I'm not sure that Barry Gibb did much for AI's slightly sagging ratings. He seemed perfectly nice, though not terribly animated. He also had a peculiar speech impediment, as if there was too much spittle building up in the sides of his mouth, and he was locking his jaw in an effort to control it. ("This" turned into "Thish"; "Sparks" turned into "Shparks") One explanation could be corroded saliva ducts. I went to college with an heiress with the same malady.
The wisdom of the judges was dispensed surprisingly equally - ie, it's usually Simon who makes most of the meaningful comments. Not this time.
Randy nailed it when he told Beat Box Blake that his "You Should Be Dancing" sounded like he was in a "discoteque in a foreign country." Brilliant - and it sums up Blake completely.
I once spent a night in a disco in Jakarta, Indonesia. (I was touring in a production of the musical "Grease.") Tanamore was the name of this fleshpot. Dark and mysterious, the room was crisscrossed with catwalks, across which tiny-footed hustlers and hookers minced - indentured sex slaves kept on short leashes by their menacing pimp. (Think Oddjob, the thug from Goldfinger.) Paunchy European ex-pats prowled, skulked around, brandishing mai tais, their pockets bulging with rupiah to pay for their fun. The Abba music blared, more cover for the unholy purchases being consummated. Even the smoke emanating from machines seemed diabolical, insidiously curling around every pole and cage grating.
The whole place pulsated with a sick energy. All you could see were the big blinking eyes of the underage Asian sex workers. All you could feel were the cold sweaty gropes of aging Europeans. The place was sheer evil ... and perfect for Blake.
I've never trusted Blake. From the beginning his beat boxing seemed like a cheap ploy, the Morrissey sound second-rate mod, the "seductive" grin on his face barely rising to the level of bad porn. Then came his interview with People magazine where he complained about being "sexually frustrated" and where he said with a sleazy wink, "A tour could be fun" - a transparent call for tweenaged groupies.
Seeing Blake last night in his Nehru jacket, I saw an aspiring Kurtz-like cult leader. He doesn't want to be an American Idol. He'd be much happier as the Idol of his own jungle kingdom (Laos?), ruling over an army of the young and defenseless, far beyond the reach of American law and values. Sound the Amber Alert now. Blake's on the loose.
(Oh, and might I add that "This is Where I Came In," his second selection, is not only a crappy song. It's got the clunkiest title ever.)
The second spot-on comment came from Paula - and it bordered on revelatory. It came after Melinda's "How Can You Mend A Broken Heart?" Paula indicated that something was missing; that we know that Melinda has great technique; that Melinda needs to show us her soul. The camera cut to Melinda, expecting a response. The moment of truth had arrived. Melinda knew what Paula was trying to say. Would she admit this - and respond? Or would she play dumb?
Of course she played dumb. Melinda has always been extremely careful - which, by the way, will be her downfall. (Idol rewards risk-takers in the end. Think Fantasia singing Gershwin for her finale.) This is a woman who only moments earlier had amended the lyrics of her song to delete the word "losers," for fear that it might rub off on her.
In any case, Simon offered her a reprieve at this suspenseful moment by dismissing Paula's comment. But Paula's question was heard.
Put another way: When Melinda performs, can you imagine her having sex? (Not actually while she's singing. That would be untenable and pretty selfish, unless, I suppose, it was a duet.) Right now Melinda sounds like she's auditioning to sing the jingle for a toothpaste. Or I could see her singing about Polident. (They never did replace Martha Raye.)
The final great comment came from Simon and it was about, I'm sorry to report, Jordin. Jordin still has not returned to her "You'll Never Walk Alone" form, though her first song last night ("To Love Somebody") was strong. She looked stunning and appealingly retro in a Western style sundress, with jeans underneath, bathed in a K-tel orange glow. (I would love to hear her sing "Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue") But "Woman In Love" fell short. Simon was right that it was too old for her and that anchored at the microphone in her gown, she looked like a pageant contestant.
And yet...
She braved a Streisand classic. (Well, maybe not a classic.) Streisand is the shadow that looms over Idol at all times. Simon Cowell has said she's his favorite vocalist. And indeed no one since Streisand has been able to match her mastery of the love song, combining a sweet-as-honey sound with a passionate unbridled rip-your-heart out belt - though every Idol contestant, along with Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston and countless others, have tried. (It seems fitting that the 65 year old Streisand was in the news this week, selling out two London concerts in fewer than 20 minutes, with top ticket prices well over $1000.)
But only Jordin has had the chutzpah to mention her name, then go for it. She did not succeed. But she went down, as Phil Stacey would say, in a Blaze of Glory. And that might be enough to win.
Mo Rocca has appeared on a bunch of shows, including 'The Daily Show,' 'I Love the 80s,'...
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Blake Lewis Must Be Stopped ... PLUS: Melinda On Trial
Posted May 9th 2007 8:50AM by Mo Rocca
Filed under: American Idol, Melinda Doolittle, Jordin Sparks, LaKisha Jones, Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, Randy Jackson, Blake Lewis
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Mo Rocca appears on a bunch of shows, including CBS News Sunday Morning (with the indescribably wonderful Charles Osgood), The Tonight Show on NBC, and NPR's Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! He's a sometime judge on Iron Chef and was featured on Telemundo's Amore Descarado. Last year he starred on Broadway in the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. His expose "All the President's Pets" was published by Crown in 2004.
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qsfgewjuwc at 10:17AM on Jan 24th 2009
2. Barry Gibb, I'm sorry to say, has an upper denture, which is the cause of his "speech impediment". He was my teenage heart-throb, but turned to "yucko" statis with that denture.
Mary at 11:55AM on May 9th 2007
3. I agree with most of what you said--But good god, KUDOS to Blake for turning those wretched songs into...well..."SOMETHING" Or else they should lay buried in the time capsule. Thank you Blake for giving us your spin even if it was a bit off at times.
dee at 12:55PM on May 9th 2007
4. In all honesty, this article is focused on everything but what is relevant. Why would you waste time talking about Barry Gibb's spittle issue? The guy is old. But you know what? He's established, he's got a career that you and I will never have, and last night he used that career to encourage and contribute to the development of the AI artists. Last night was small potatoes for Barry Gibb, he didn't have to agree to working with AI.
As far as the AI performances go, I think every artist did the best they could with the genre they were working with. Disco is an artform that happened at the time it was supposed to, and it was heavily reliant on studio production, not performance. With the resources they had, I say the AI contestants completely pulled last night off as well as they could, of course with Melinda Dolittle at the top of her game.
Mattmandu at 1:09PM on May 9th 2007
5. I only hope his denture plate doesn't fall out tonight when he is singing. It's sad to see our teenage idols get old, isn't it?
Dar at 1:32PM on May 9th 2007
6.
Barry Gibb will always be awesome! So what if he has dentures. I'm a child of the 80's but love the Bee Gees of the 70's. I could never hate on him for something so trivial. We all get old after all.
Shan at 1:38PM on May 9th 2007
7. All hail King Blake!
Kim at 1:57PM on May 9th 2007
8. I don't see the relavence of your article at all. Why would you take the time to write about Barry Gibb's spittle issue? Is it because his mountain of success is something most of us would never attain? When people criticize the personal struggles of others, it's only to gain a false sense of security. I'm sorry that Barry Gibb makes you, the author (Mo Rocca?), insecure. As for the Top 6, Melinda Dolittle has already established herself at the top of her game, there is no trial for her. Under trial: Lakisha, and Jordin. Blake, he doesn't need to be stopped - he needs to be a producer for a record label - what a talented and innovative artist. And as for Mo Rocca, how memorable are you? You'll be remembered as the sarcastic sot on MTV's I Love the (insert decade here), and for being an ill-equipped judge on Iron Chef America. A legacy of sarcasm, life's great reward.
Mattmandu at 2:15PM on May 9th 2007
9. Blake hasn't used the beat boxing much at all during the competition. Maybe at first, but not until last week's Bon Jovi song has he done much at all. He's acknowledged that the singing is more important and that's what he's been doing. He has a gift for that and he should be able to incorporate once in a while without being criticized. We need some new styles in the music world and AI should encourage tasteful (which Blake is) alternatives to the everyday mundane singing. I enjoy Blake--I think his singing voice resembles Paul McCartney or Sting. But in the right way, the beatbox sound can add more to the song. Blake, many of us can't wait until you make your first cd. Good Luck!
sc at 2:42PM on May 9th 2007
10. I don't think it was Blake's fault. I think he had a horrible choice of songs to choose from. I voted for him to stay. I think it is about time that the 17 year old girl (Jordin Shparks) goes back to school so she doesn't miss graduation. Go Blake. I hope you win the whole thing!
David at 6:17PM on May 9th 2007
11. mo-i think you can attribute that 'bad porn grin' to blake's lack of a top lip and a sneer that no one has really been able to get away with the exception of elvis and billy idol. i don't trust blake as well...i see him being in the news aft idol is over, but not for good things. i don't see his cd's ever having success (if he gets to put one out). and PLEASE not another 311 sound! they weren't good back then, and that sound isn't good now.
ciara13b at 2:57PM on May 9th 2007
12. Im a Jordin fan no matter what. These contestants are thinking im in the final four isnt that good enough. Everynight they should be singing like they will never get the opportunity to be heard again. I liked Blake's "you give love a bad name" but that has been it. He doesnt have to beatbox to every song but maybe that is what he thinks his fans find appealing.
As for the celebrity judges, they havent really been all that helpful.
MrsMoRocca at 3:15PM on May 9th 2007
13. wOah u are one weird kid
i'd like to see you beep-box
its not that easy..u hav to fit it in wit the song and its stupid how u think that its cheap.
i love everyone cuz they def. cuz sing(we all kno that)
its just the one that stands out the most and has an awesome personality and that is mostly blake!!
so if i were u
i wud shut ur big ugly mouth
payal at 3:28PM on May 9th 2007
14. Um...I enjoy your recaps/blogs, but I became a fan back in the Daily show days, so I was pretty shocked to see you mocking Barry's speech impediment. I would have figured you would have some empathy. Is your speech issue due to dentures too? Do you pass as not having one now that your words are written, not spoken?
D
D at 3:37PM on May 9th 2007
15. Blake is number 1 in my book. Melinda a very close number 2. Where do you get off calling this guy in all practicality a pedifile. Look oin the mirror! Surprise surprise! It's jealousy #1.
Frank at 3:48PM on May 9th 2007