Relax. I'm referring to the Results Show broadcast, not the beautiful and refreshingly fleshy winner, Jordin Sparks.
The jam-packed broadcast suffered from multiple-personality disorder. Was it a reality show? An awards show? A comedy show? A "Where Are They Now" show? Much of it seemed to me like a wedding - an overblown affair with complicated family dynamics.
After all the guests were seated (Jerry Springer and Jeff Foxworthy on the bride's side), the engaged couple came out to sing "I Saw Her Standing There." This portion of the show was the rehearsal dinner. Blake and Jordin were dressed stylishly but not too formally. They looked terrific, though I'd never before noticed their extreme height difference. A Sonny and Cher for the 21st century.
Soon enough, Idol's eldest daughter, the single and angry Kelly Clarkson came onstage to deliver her "toast" - a tirade entitled "Never Again." Never again, she seemed to say, will I come back - unless it's on my terms. No frilly dresses for me. No easy pop hooks. I'm not even sure I want to get married! I'm not Carrie Underwood. Hear me?!
We all love Kelly. She was the first Idol. She paved the way for her younger siblings. Clearly she didn't want to be at this event but when grandpa Clive Davis calls the family together, there's no saying no.
Next came the bachelor party with Blake and the guys - and Blake's uncle Smokey Robinson. (Just go with it.) Then of course came the bachelorette party where Jordin and the girls and their cool aunt Gladys Knight had fun! I wonder how randy it got backstage. Gladys dishing about the Pips? (Bachelorette parties are typically rowdier than stag dinners.)
While Clive Davis is the grandfather that everyone kind of fears (he's got all the money and power so you need to stay in his good graces), Tony Bennett is the grandfather you just adore. That's because there are no strings attached. Grandpa Tony gives the kids unconditional love. And we all returned the love when he sang "For Once In My LIfe."
Then Grandpa Clive came out to heap praise on his favorite grandchild, Idol's good girl Carrie Underwood. ("Carrie, Carrie, Carrie!" you could hear Kelly shouting. "I'm so f#%king sick of Carrie!!!") Grandpa Clive made it very clear that he was underwhelmed by ne'er-do-well Taylor Hicks' weak sales. He went so far as to mention how runner-up Chris Daughtry was doing far better since Chris was writing his own material. It was an emasculating moment for Taylor. The implication was that Chris had made Clive much prouder. Chris was a real man who couldn't be at the concert since he was off somewhere, writing hit songs and battling Al Qaeda mano-a-mano.
It was an odd moment when Clive handed Carrie her award. When Carrie began thanking her "team," America's favorite amateur night suddenly turned into a cold awards show, all about big deals and high stakes. Cut to Jennifer Hudson - quite appropriately, since she was by far the most glamorous person in the audience. Her Oscar has given her an aura. With her cool frames yet casual bearing, she was like Jack Nicholson at a Lakers game.
When Taylor did come on, he seemed like the drunk uncle at the wedding. (Yes, we're back to the wedding comparison.) However Taylor did redeem himself with an outstanding performance during the Sgt. Pepper's medley, aka the family photo portion of the ceremony.
Sanjaya was like the little cousin you remembered as a cute spazz. Now that he's all grown up ... not so cute anymore. His performance with Joe Perry was a total bore. Justin Guarini, on the other hand, just made everyone uncomfortable. He's the older cousin who's a little ... troubled ... and fragile. Most of the guests avoided him. The more compassionate ones took him gently by the hand, looked him in the eye and asked meaningfully, "How are you, Justin?" "I'm fine," he said unconvincingly. "That's just great, Justin," was the usual response.
Finally I was unexpectedly touched when Ruben Studdard walked Jordin down the aisle to "You're All I Need." Ruben looked so proud and Jordin was beaming!
I didn't actually see Jordin and Blake take their vows before Ryan at the end of the telecast. (Think about it: Ryan brings them together and announces a winner. Then the two of them will do press together for about a year - about as long as most American marriages last.) My DVR cut out at that point.
***
As for the parts of the show that don't fit into my wedding construct:
Blake and Doug E. Fresh were pretty spectacular.
Melinda has the most to gain from last night's show. Her performance with BeBe and CeCe Winans was a knock-out. (Along with Blake and Doug E. Fresh, the artistic highlight of the show.) And she staked her claim to the Christian music market. God bless her. That's a huge segment. I hope she ends up richer than Herod. (Was Herod rich? I've really got to brush up on my Bible.)
Overall I thought the show was entertaining but lacked something big. Last year Prince's appearance was thrilling, a total surprise - and raised the bar. The show this year did not meet expectations. (Madonna? A rehabbed Britney? The Stones?) The franchise needs a real shot in the arm. Jordin has her work cut out for her.
Okay, I need to go find a new show to fixate on!
Reader Comments ( Page 1 of 4)
1. melinda Doolittle did releases her first song on i tunes My Funny Valentine she is amazing. also she have radio show sometimes that your fans can call and talk to her live. Soon will released her first album june of 2008 you want to support her website www.melindafan.net
Louise at 12:54PM on Feb 25th 2008
2. Melinda Doolittle will released her first album at the end of the summer. New website www.mdstreetteam.com to support her
Louise at 3:51PM on Jun 22nd 2008
3. Melinda Doolittle will released her first album in fall and work on Holiday CD. New website for fans who want to support her www.mdstreetteam.com come join us to the forum
Louise at 1:05PM on Jul 23rd 2008
4. More thing are serious, Melinda Album.Melinda Album is for fall. This past week Melinda finally finished the vocals on her CD! All of that happens quickly then we will see her CD on shelves for Fall! Also, keep your eye out for her first official single that should be hitting airwaves in the coming weeks. Melinda is going to be throwing a lot of music at us in the coming months so get ready!
My Goal is to reach all the fans of Melinda to come and support her career at www.mdstreetteam.com come join us. She is a amazing singer.
Louise at 12:15PM on Aug 4th 2008
5. Thank you for letting us post about our favorite singer. Without this site, it would be really difficult to share the latest news about them.
FREE SONG FROM AMERICAN IDOL'S MELINDA DOOLITTLE! GO TO www.melindadoolittle.com and get it NOW - FREE! New album released on February 3, 2009! Don't miss it!
Keep updated about Melinda's career at http://www.melindasbackups.com which is a web site owned by Melinda Doolittle. Melinda’s Backups™ is a non-profit supportive association inspired by Melinda and authorized by her to operate this web site on behalf of her fans.
I am one of her backups (fans) and can truly say that not only is Melinda hugely talented but she is also exceptionally kind and gracious
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avfcvpvdpj at 10:20AM on Jan 24th 2009
7. Well, the crowning of snoozapalooza singer Jordin Sparks proves one thing: Americans love to vote the wrong way.
Just look what misguided votes dumped into the White House. Twice.
Mo got one thing right about Jordin. She sure is fleshy.
SlowMo at 7:01PM on May 24th 2007
8. Hey Mo - Now that I learned you are a good Democrat I like everything you write. Personally, I don't watch TV but am a HUGE fan of the highlight clips. Your AI coverage has been fun, and if you included more clips for guys like me, it would be even more fun. Sanjaya was really a flash in the pan - anytime I see his face on the computer screen (which thankfully has dropped to almost never)I quickly switch to something else. Melinda will have a great career. I'm surprised they didn't invite Clay Aikens, but I guess his 15 minutes of fame are done. You've done a well written fun coverage of the whole series! Thanks, Phil
Phil at 7:01PM on May 24th 2007
9. Mo, you didn't mention the strange performance by the usually elecytifying Bette Midler. What the hell happened there? She practically talked the song.
I thought Kelly was amazing. That sightly hoarse, gravelly sound reminds me of Janis Joplin.
There's something about Taylor Hicks I love. He's the performer Blake wishes he could be. Not the best voice, but the dude rocks the house. Carrie Underwood - poised and lovely, a great voice but a little dull - like Jordin.
The sad thing this finale pointed out was how much talent the show USED to have. This year seemed so dull, even with a great singer like Melinda, because she had the voice but lacked personality. And as soon as she was booted the fix was in in favor of Jordin, down to that last terrible ballad that was tailor made for her.
Clive Davis' speech was appalling. Simply paying homage to those who lined his pockets, making it abundantly clear what's most important to him. And could anyone fail to notice his fawning over Carrie? Even she looked embarrassed.
I really hope the show is better next year. This season was not its best.
NoMoreIdol at 7:20PM on May 24th 2007
10. This was the worst year of idol ever. I hear rumors going around, Is this really Simon's last year. Come on who can replace him? He's the judge we love to hate, but most often says what we are thinking. Anyone else brought in to do that would be just acting, Simon is genuinely that rude.... loves it.
Maybe Nigel Lythgoe, the producer/creator? could step in. OOOOOOh wait Rosie. She seems to fight with everyone.
MrsMoRocca at 7:27PM on May 24th 2007
11. Simon isn't going anywhere until 2010. He has a contract.
If the show can last that long. If this season was any indication, he may get his wish before his contract expires.
NoMoreIdol at 7:51PM on May 24th 2007
12. AI is now more about the stars that show up week after week with their own agendas, trying to sell cd's or to resurrect long dormant careers.
I enjoyed the show far more when it was just the contestants and they got a list of songs to sing from whatever the week's genre was.
The show is now so slick, unwieldly, over-produced and has become so much more about selecting someone who can line the pockets of the judges, producers and Clive Davis, that it forgot the simple joy it gave viewers to watch a person with great, great talent get discovered by America.
That's why this season was such a letdown, It was so obvious that the contest was slanted in favor of Jordin Sparks, a nice enough kid with a nice enough voice, but there was nothing about her that was electrifying. She was just someone the powers that be felt would appeal to teens because of her age, so all they saw were dollar signs.
If the contestants they pick next year are as underwhelmning, the show is toast.
Delayna at 8:52PM on May 24th 2007
13. Mo - loved your comparison to a wedding. The lawyer I work for even had to see what I was laughing about.
Clive Davis reminded me of my late mother-in-law, making it known at our wedding that she preferred her former daughter-in-law over me. (My husband was divorced for 9 years before we even met!) The old coot (Davis) needed to just sit down and shut up.
I think the reason Ms. Hudson wasn't on the stage at all was because of her bad mouthing AI previously. They didn't want to give her the opportunity to slam it on the show.
Joanie at 11:07AM on May 25th 2007
14. You are 100% Correct. I love idol, but was really aggrevated by the over-the-top self love. The highlight of the night, for me, was the African Choir. They were so thrilled to be there. Which is more than I can say about everyone else on the show! Waaaaay too much! Just stick to a little singing and dancing. Too many folks, too much "Don't we just love ourselves", etc. If something doesn't change, I am afraid #7 will be the final installment for the best show in years!
Ilene at 11:33AM on May 27th 2007
15. Why do people watch this drivel? I cannot fathom the appeal. It seems like today's "chatting classes" can't get enough of this stuff. The dumber the idea, the more they like it. And if it involves humiliating others, so much the better.
Mr2sheds at 11:27AM on May 27th 2007