It was embarrassing. A few weeks ago I was sitting poolside when the waiter came up and asked me what I wanted.
"I'll have a hamburger," I said, "And what the hell? Make me an Old Fashioned." I affected a casual air but you can bet I was proud of ordering "my" drink, the Old Fashioned. That's when I heard the snickering.
"An 'old lady' drink is more like it," said one wiseacre a few chairs over.
"Gonna go play bingo later?" sneered his friend. The two cackled - and I seethed.
"Yes," I said through gritted teeth. "Then after that I'm going to my quilting bee."
The exchange brought back painful drink memories. As a child I was ashamed of my love for Shirley Temples. Yes, I admired the actress Shirley Temple. As a child she was Hollywood's biggest box office draw for four years running in the 1930s. And she was rightly admired for her professionalism. (Even at the age of five, she always had her lines memorized and dance steps committed to memory before shooting even began!)
But I certainly wasn't trying to emulate the film star and future diplomat. Simply put, I liked the drink because of its ingredients: Ginger Ale, grenadine syrup, and a maraschino cherry. (Orange juice is optional. Also, ginger ale can be replaced with 7-Up or Sprite, though I tend to think that that's a bit ... common.) The actual person Shirley Temple Black - she married California businessman Charles Alden Black in 1950 - was irrelevant.
But of course, I was mocked. "Boys don't drink Shirley Temples! Boys are supposed to drink Roy Rogers!!" was the typical taunt.
But a Roy Rogers was a different drink: Cola, grenadine, and a maraschino cherry. Was I supposed to drink it simply because it was named after a cowboy?! Conversely was Dale Evans expected to order a Shirley Temple just because she had a vagina???!!!!
Alas I was weak. "Can I have a Roy Rogers?" I'd ask the waiter when we went out to dinner. "But instead of coke, could you put ginger ale in?" Pathetic.
When I came of drinking age, I experimented with new drinks. Gin was out of the question: After my last exam senior year of high school, two friends came over to my house and we made "Gin jello". We slurped it off my family's kitchen table, then upchucked everywhere.
The dark liquors were what drew me. They seemed so impossibly ... grown up. But I just couldn't handle them straight. Then the year before last, I went to the Kentucky Derby and drank my first Mint Julep:
- 3 oz. Bourbon whiskey
- 4 to 6 sprigs mint leaves
- sugar syrup, to taste (c. 1 oz)
I loved it. And it included Bourbon whiskey. (I'd started drinking single-malt scotch - Laphroig, Oban, Talisker - with a couple of rocks and was looking to expand my acquaintance with whiskey.) I downed a few Mint Juleps, then decided it was a wee bit sweet for me. That's when the bartender suggested the Old Fashioned:
- 4.0 cl. bourbon , Scotch or rye whiskey
- 1 sugar cube
- 2 dashes Angostura bitters
- 1 splash Soda Water
And that's when everything changed! I'd found my drink. It was sweet (but not too sweet) and potent: a Shirley Temple in disguise as a Man's drink!
But now the taunts have returned.
Please share your drink stories (as opposed to drinking stories - those are too long) and anxieties with me in the comments section. And if you have any suggestion for a drink that will spare me ridicule, please let me know!
Reader Comments ( Page 1 of 6)
1. Here in Wisconsin everybody loves Old Fashioneds. Most people I know, though, make it with brandy.
Jeremy at 10:52PM on May 23rd 2008
2. IMHO, an Old Fashioned is a very distinguished aldult beverage. The next time you're in Wisconsin (Madison) stop into a local watering hole, belly up to the bar and order with pride (along with the rest of the locals). No barkeep muttles fruit like a native Cheese Head! (I am neither a native of WI nor a fan of the Old Fashioned - these are merely my opinion from my travels) Hoping to se Mo in Norfolk 6/5 for W,WDTM!
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5. Try a Jack and ginger. It's best to go very light on the ginger ale, but even just a small amount really adds something. I'm an Irish whiskey guy but I was pleasantly surprised the first time I tried this.
Jimmy at 12:53AM on Jul 6th 2007
6. I enjoy strawberry daquri, but I like sweet drinks so that one is probably not in Mo's taste. Also I've been chided alot about them in the past being an effeminate drink. So I tried a white russian because I was told it was more masculine and found that it was great too. Sorry if I don't have any ideas about a better drink to boost your testosterone Mo. (but really just forget those idiots at the bar) Not much of a drinker myself (maybe 2 or 3 times a year) so I'm not sure what's in a white russian but they are a tasty drink in my oppinion. Give one a try, If it's too sweet just add more liqour...wooo hooo! Just make sure you have someone to drive. I enjoy driving for my buddies because they're mostly happy when they tie one on. They like to laugh and I like to make them laugh, it's like a symbiotic relationship... A little hooch, some driving skills and some jokes have made me several good friends over the years. It also shows I care about them, which has attracted ladies who are into big hearted guys as well.
have hooch will travel: Jack Faxx
Jack Faxx at 1:30AM on Jul 6th 2007
7. My drink of preference, besides the daily 2-6 bottles of Porter (dark beer, coffee and chocolate overtones....mmmmm) is a Greyhound--100 proof vodka,preferably Russian, and enough grapefruit juice to make it palatable. The vodka should be kept in the freezer and the glass should be half full of ice before pouring.
SKOAL
Jack at 1:36AM on Jul 6th 2007
8. I wish I could share something interesting or at least sophisticated. But my drink is ridiculously "girly": Fuzzy Navel (Peach Schnapps and orange juice or ginger ale.)
The name even sounds juvenile. Kind of embarrassing to order when your friends are ordering Cosmopolitans and Apple Martinis. But what can I say? I like what I like.
giftedgirl at 1:39AM on Jul 6th 2007
9. one time i was in vegas with my 20 year old daughter she was playing black jack and asked me to order her a drink . i was not with it when it came to popular drinks and the next thing i heard coming out of my mouth was "can i have sex on the beach" i could not believe i said that. it freaked me out. very funny !
marsha beckerman at 2:03AM on Jul 6th 2007
10. FYI an Old Fashioned actually contains muddled fruit mostly whatever is in the fruit tray i.e. a cherry and some citrus(lemon, orange,lime).
Muddle the fruit with the sugar, rye or bourbon and the bitters. Then you add the ice and shake put in a little soda water and you are done.
There is nothing girly about this beverage it is actually just old school.
Enjoy!
Nathan at 2:45AM on Jul 6th 2007
11. Amen, Mo. Part of the reason I don't do bars is I hate the stupid people there. The drinks I order are labeled "bitch drinks" because they're not beer. Just because I'm a man I'm supposed to drink something that looks and tastes like urine? Am I really to be faulted for the fact that women may have better taste in their beverages of choice? My "bitch" drinks usually have a higher alcoholic content than their "manly real drinkers' drinks".. so why do they really drink that piss? I have a nagging suspicion it's because it's cheap. So keep your cheapskate alcoholic beverages and your unfunny judgmental comments to yourself, thanks.
Ryan at 3:14AM on Jul 6th 2007
12. If i'm going for something sweet I enjoy Mai Tai's... there's a ton of variations but one of my favs is...
4 oz orange juice
4 oz pineapple juice
1 oz Rose's lime juice
1 oz dark rum
1 oz light rum
1 oz triple sec
1/2 oz grenadine
Mix it up with crushed ice and garnish with pineapple slice, lime zest, and cherry.
Aynsley Jackson at 3:16AM on Jul 6th 2007
13. Ooooh now this is really up my alley! Growing up with musicians obviously taught me a lot of different things. But I'm always considered one of the boys when it comes to drinking...well that and a few other things...haha. Rockstars taught me the worst habits.
My taste in alcohol is pretty hardcore, I'd say my favorite drink to start the night off with is red bull and skyy vodka. Then I get long island ice teas to tequila and coke (screw rum and coke), oh whiskey sours are the bomb. Let's not even get into the shots... But hey there's always gin and tonics...or coronas, the drink of choice for all 3 of my brothers.
Mahlia at 3:37AM on Jul 6th 2007
14. I agree with Jack, that you can't go wrong with a white russian! If someone thinks it's girly - it's what The Dude drank! Nothing girly about that!
I am a girl, and I drink girly drinks. But I was also a bartender, so I can tell you your most manly choices are: beer, or straight shots.
Here is my favorite drink, though, and some of you might like it:
Royal Flush
1.5 oz Crown Royal
.5 oz Peach Schnapps
4 oz cranberry juice
Enjoy!
Jess'ca at 3:44AM on Jul 6th 2007
15.
I find tha the sweet run-off you get from raw chicken passing through urine is perfect for those nights of compulsive upper-cutting. It cures cold sores as well.
charlespmcgehee at 4:57AM on Jul 6th 2007