Is Pushing Your Kid into Showbiz ALWAYS a Bad Thing?

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Is Pushing Your Kid into Showbiz ALWAYS a Bad Thing?

Posted Jul 22nd 2007 9:00AM by Mo Rocca
Filed under: Celebrity, Mo Wants To Know, Broadway, Paris Hilton, Mo Rocca, Children, Gypsy, Patti Lupone, Parenting

Probably yes. But it's worth thinking over.

On Friday I went to the revival of the great American musical Gypsy, starring Patti Lupone, at New York's City Center Theater. As every critic (with the mysterious exception of the New York Times' Ben Brantley) will attest, it is astonishing. When Patti Lupone strides on to stage, she's greeted like a Liberator come to unshackle audiences from the tyranny of crappy musicals. (I realize that many readers took exception to my rave for Knocked Up. But please, believe me this time.)

Gypsy is based on the true story of "Mama Rose" Hovick, the prototype of the pushy stage mother - a thrice-married bulldozer of a woman who carts her two daughters, June and Louise, all over the dying vaudeville circuit during the 1920s and 30s, in the hopes of making June a star. (In this production June is portrayed brilliantly and eerily as a Jon-Benet Ramsay type.) Significantly Rose's own mother had abandoned her as a child. This may help explain why Rose pushes and smothers June ... until June runs away, leaving the blander Louise the object of her mother's monomania. Louise, second fiddle up till, takes whatever attention she can get from her mother; that's how hungry she is for anything approaching affection.

In the musical Rose is courted by the act's kindly, if weak, manager Herbie. All he wants is to marry Rose and make her happy. But Rose is obsessed; she must make a star out of one of her daughters. Even after June runs off, Rose pushes Herbie (her only shot at domestic stability) away, and eventually the otherwise talentless Louise becomes a stripper, the real-life Gypsy Rose Lee - horrifically enough, with the mother's acquiescence!
It's not exactly what her mother planned at the outset. But it seemed inevitable that things would turn out less-than-perfect for a daughter with a mother so clearly driven by selfish motives: Mama Rose constantly refers to her own "dream," with no regard for what might be her daughter's dream.

A mother driving her kids hard for a life of fame is a story that's more relevant than ever, it seems, considering the public's fascination with mother-daughter meltdowns like those of Britney and Lynne Spears (their shocking slapfest came to light last week) and Lindsay and Dina Lohan. Let's hope we never have to see these real-life duos star in a production of Gypsy. (Actually, scratch that: I'd pay top dollar to see Kathy Hilton as Mama Rose, with Nicky Hilton as June and Paris as Louise. Picture Paris singing "Let Me Entertain You," bathed in green light!)

These mothers and daughters are grotesque versions of parents and kids (fathers and sons, too!) everywhere - parents who usually struggle with the question of how far to push their kids with piano lessons, little league, or spelling bee prep.

Why is the parent pushing? Surely it's in part the selfish quest for reflected glory.

But here's my question: Is pushing your kid for selfish reasons necessarily a bad thing?

Fans of Gypsy like to describe Mama Rose's last number as a "mad scene": Alone on an empty stage she imagines herself a star and cries out:

"Everything's Coming Up Roses
This time for me!
For Me-
For Me-
For Me-
For Me-
FOR ME!"

She's a monster, right? Yes, but...

There's one more quiet moment at the very end. Louise spies her mother ranting alone on stage:

Louise (Quietly): You'd really have been something, Mother.
Rose: Think so?
Louise: If you had someone to push you like I had...

There are a few more lines after that in which Mama Rose admits she pushed her daughters for herself, but that doesn't nullify what Louise said: "If you had someone to push you like I had..."

So what do you think? If a parent is a little (or a lot) selfish in pushing his or her kid to achieve, is that always bad?

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Reader Comments ( Page 1 of 1)

1. Yay! My Mo was FINALLY on Sunday Morning today! CBS is off my ---- list!

Okay, now I have to read this post. I'll be back.

giftedgirl at 10:26AM on Jul 22nd 2007

2. It depends on what the parent is pushing his or her child to achieve. (The child's dream or the parent's?)

No one should have to sacrifice his or her own life for someone else's dream.

giftedgirl at 10:48AM on Jul 22nd 2007

3. If it's illegal to employee children under child labor laws, then how can it be legal to employee them as an actor or actress? This makes absolutely no sense, but American's are too dense to realize it. Also, why is it not ok to put children on unhealthy food ads, but it's ok to put them in telephone and computer commercials? American's are stupid.

Leslie at 11:21AM on Jul 22nd 2007

4. I wish my parents had made some effort to push. Instead I learned to accept the first "No." whenever I tried something new.
(Not to say I never got a "Yes." but that was always all on my own.)

Carol at 11:40AM on Jul 22nd 2007

5. Well, I think a certain amount of pushing is fine, as long as it’s the kid’s dream and not the parents (i.e. mommy always wanted to be a ballerina so the daughter is forced to take dance lessons while she really just wants to be a vet). But, the good “pushing” is when parents stress the importance of education and to help their child be successful at THEIR pace (instead of saying they HAS to be smart, get straight A’s, go to an ivy league college, be a successful attorney, etc.). There’s nothing wrong with that dream, but not everyone can achieve it. Parents have to know reason. Sorry….I sound like a teacher again! But seriously, I give this type of speech at least 2-3 times during parent/teacher conferences every year.

On a side note, I’m sure Gypsy was wonderful. Patti LuPone is great in everything she does.

KC at 12:03PM on Jul 22nd 2007

6. Sure, it is wrong to push your kids into show business. They just want to be kids.
The only thing parents should "push" their kids into is studying and getting a good education.

David S. at 12:38PM on Jul 22nd 2007

7. When it comes to human behavior, there is no ALWAYS. THE ANSWER IS IT DEPENDS on several factors. Do the parents protect their kids from unethical practices? do they just want to become famous and rich at their child's expense? do they keep the child grounded? i have heard Dakota Fanning say that when she is not woking she has a normal life and she gets an allowance. Also you never see her parents in the limelight . the issue with brittney and lindsey is that their parents stopped being parents. They just want to be in the limelight and not provide boundries for their kids they just want to be their friends. So in the end it all depends on the kind of child you have raised from the beginning. The key to me is to encourage what the kids want and to provide supervision and a safety net. finally don't steal your kids money HATE THAT.

marsha beckerman at 2:27PM on Jul 22nd 2007

8. Encouragement from a parent is wonderful. Where you start having problems is when the parent becomes a tyrant and the child's wants and needs are tossed overboard. When the child becomes the main breadwinner you've got an explosive recipe for disaster. There's no doubt that children occasionally, or often, need to be pushed to achieve great things. This can be a good thing if done gently, lovingly and for the right reasons. When it becomes about the parent's needs and not the child's a line has been crossed.

Janelle at 3:46PM on Jul 22nd 2007

9. "Mama Rose constantly refers to her own "dream," with no regard for what might be her daughter's dream"...

THAT is the issue here. She is pushing for her own selfish wants and needs. SO, no, it's not cool.

I agree with David S. I will only push my children for a good education. (well, and anything drug related and against the law- but I digress...)

Past that - the world is their oyster!

Rebecca

Rebecca at 3:48PM on Jul 22nd 2007

10. Mo, I'm thrilled you love Gypsy! If you want to hear AWESOME renditions of "You'll Never Get Away from Me" (such a fun yet tragic song and "Everything's Coming Up Roses," go out and buy the Gypsy Broadway soundtrack with the one and only Ethel Merman as Mama Rose. My heart is full everytime I hear those songs.

I'd comment on the greater issue in your article, but my heart is still full from thinking about Ethel's voice...

Her vocals on the Annie Get Your Gun Broadway soundtrack kick ass, too.

Marta R. at 10:37PM on Jul 22nd 2007

11. Let us stroll down Memory Lane Mo. Remember the character Logainne Schwartzandgrubenierre from the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee? Obviously her two male parental guardians were so enthralled with her winning the Spelling Bee, they concocted a makeshift plan to cheat her way to victory. But in the end, Logainne knew that winning wasn't everything and respected her fellow spellers over her crazy parent's want to win.

Doing anything that your child doesn't want as much as you do is, in my opinion, is outright hurtful to the kid. My nutjob aunt and uncle pushed their son quite a lot in his youth. Be it in sports or giving him ‘time out’ for nearly everything, it just seemed way too burdensome for the average kid. When he got the chance to go to college, he picked some place very far away, in this case Virginia Tech. Despite the tragic events there, he says he loves it and enjoys the freedom of being away from overbearing parents.

It’s weird that the baby boomer generation has and still pushes their kids to the point of breakdown. What happened to good old fun? If you look at Europe, kids don’t play sports like American kids play sports. They have loosely organized teams playing for sheer fun. Americans are fixed to routine and schedule that any fun is usually sucked out of it. It becomes more of a profession than a love of the game. But I’d rather not ramble back into my ‘suburbia is evil’ argument.

Returning back to Showbiz side of things, kids who are usually pushed in that direction may have a somewhat unusual parent supporting them in that endeavor. If we look at child stars of the past, we can see a train wreck of financial, emotional, and physical damage with a parent not doing much to alleviate the pain. Be it Michael Jackson’s abusive dad or Lindsay Lohan’s partying mother, once a parent has some amount of fame on their hands, it brings them all and in the darkness binds them.

So remember parents, don’t push your kids too hard. Doesn’t matter if it’s getting a perfect SAT score, being the quarterback on the high school team, or finding a role on Broadway. We’re all human. Love your kids and beat them accordingly.

Trust me, I have a fake PhD in Child Psychology,
Your friend, Dr. Blayze “Shaggy” O’Brien from the Bee.

bobrien at 4:01PM on Jul 22nd 2007

12. TRUST ME -- IT IS ALWAYS A BAD THING.

Beth at 10:43PM on Aug 7th 2007

13. Pushing limits and forcing are two different things. If the child dreads doing the activities then the parent should think about helping the child choose something else. Forcing will make the child resentful and cause serious issues later. I will make my children at least try something for a season and then decide if they like it or not. They will eventually fond the thing that clicks FOR THEM! Young children don't always have it figured out what they want. Putting them into show business is selfish on the parent end. Many of these children get overworked and it takes away from a 100% focus on school which is where the mind should be!

E at 6:31PM on Jul 22nd 2007

14. Leslie you are one of the most hateful commentors l have ever had the displeasure of reading.... and l hope you never come to MY country

Dr K at 10:20PM on Jul 23rd 2007

15. Even worse, Dr K is she has a child and is likely teaching her ignorance and stereotypes to her child as well. Indeed, some Americans are not that bright.

Jo at 1:08AM on Apr 15th 2008

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Mo Rocca appears on a bunch of shows, including CBS News Sunday Morning (with the indescribably wonderful Charles Osgood), The Tonight Show on NBC, and NPR's Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! He's a sometime judge on Iron Chef and was featured on Telemundo's Amore Descarado. Last year he starred on Broadway in the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. His expose "All the President's Pets" was published by Crown in 2004.