At first it must be noted that I am not a very good "live blogger." My understanding is that live blogs are supposed to be quick, short and abundant. I, on the other hand, can't stop writing once I start. And I don't do it nearly frequently enough. A blackberry (or whatever they call that thing) might help, but who can type and listen to a boring panel at the same time.

Okay, what the hell is YearlyKos anyway and what am I talking about? YearlyKos (to this day I am not sure if that is supposed to be one word or two -- I hate one word titles that should be two words in the English language, it makes me uncomfortable and they are totally unnecessary -- what are we rappers?) is the largest blogging convention in the world (I'm making that up, but I would be surprised if it weren't true). It is sponsored by Daily Kos, the largest political blog in the world (that is true, but that's because the Chinese aren't allowed political blogs (otherwise the FalunGongblog.com would be dominating right now)).

When we first got here, the internet wasn't working. Did I mention we're at a bloggers conference? Panic! Panic! Panic! Okay, they got it fixed by the time we ate dinner. Speaking of which, we're in Chicago, so I can't wait to have Pizzeria Uno's, my favorite restaurant. But alas the hotel is miles away from everything else, and I am too lazy and cheap to take a $14 cab ride to get pizza. So, triple ironically, I wind up eating a thin crust pizza at the hotel (in case you're scoring at home, Chicago is the home of deep dish pizza and that's really only one layer of irony, not three).

Here's the first big piece of news from the convention:
IT EXISTS! Bill O'Reilly had threatened to destroy Yearly Kos (and I believe Daily Kos). Yet it's right here. And last I checked Daily Kos was still on line and was still larger than the top eight conservative blogs COMBINED. So, it turns out O'Reilly's mission is about as accomplished as Bush's mission in Iraq. I hear he's reassuring his listeners that they're making progress. I can't wait for O'Reilly's surge. Didn't he get sued for that once?

Bulletin #2: No one here is hot enough for me to cheat on my girlfriend. You know it takes an extra layer of hotness for you to break through moral quandaries. And extra layer of booze. The best place for that combo is at conventions -- especially, blogger conventions! Although I have heard rumors to the contrary, I don't believe anyone has ever gotten laid at a bloggers convention, or at any type of liberal convention.

What happened to the good old days when liberals were sexual revolutionaries? Bring back the fucking hippies, I'm dying out here. Free love, my ass. Well, I'm having drinks with Young Turks listeners tonight, so there's always hope. If you can't get laid by your own listeners, then you should stop trying (one could argue that I should stop trying because I have a girlfriend, but then one would be a pussy (obviously the fact that she can read this is evidence that I am mostly kidding)).

Oh yeah, politics. I went to a couple of panels and the information was fascinating and I have to confess I was still bored. I was wondering if God would punish me for spending two hours of my life listening to a panel like this. I was picturing me at Heaven's pearly gates (now, that's a funny thought) and God says to me, "Cenk, I gave you a precious life with limited time and what did you do with it? What the fuck were you doing at a bloggers convention? And what was with going to all the panels? Did you not appreciate my gift of life at all?!" I have no answer. I think about running away and wondering around Chicago aimlessly.

See, already this is way too long. And I haven't told you a thing about the convention. Okay, here's the funniest part (for me at least), people are treating me like a rock star here. "Hey, I can't believe I'm standing next to a celebrity on my first day here." Dude, I'm a blogger, I love you but you have to have higher standards. Okay, I'm also a radio and internet talk show host. No, that doesn't help at all, it's still unacceptable to get excited about meeting me (don't get me wrong, I love it and can't get enough of it).

Then more praise by random strangers. "Aren't you the one giving hell to O'Reilly?" "I saw you on Olbermann the other night. Great job!" "Didn't you drive the Powerline guys off Newsbloggers because they couldn't match your intellect?" Okay, I made that last one up, but you knew that. You know, I was considering writing a farewell post to those guys saying how I understood that they had to run away because they couldn't match wits with us, but it would have been annoying because they would have taken it seriously and complained to the authorities. I am going to rate the Powerline guys among the ten least likely guys to get a joke on the planet. When's the last time Mirengoff made a joke that didn't involve black people?

See, there's no way he got that. Right now, he's fuming that I implied he's a racist. Just calm down, Mirengoof (a childish play on his name that I was dying to use when we "blogged" together -- oh, those halcyon days). What happened to me? When I was a kid I used to rebel at authority all the time. Now, I am so deferential to management. I didn't mess with the Powerline guys more because I didn't want to cause trouble for the really nice people at AOL. What happened to the bad ass Cenk Uygur who had that devil may care attitude? Okay, I'll give you a second to stop laughing. How often do you see those collection of words together -- bad ass Cenk Uygur?

Okay, I have to stop, though I have a sinking feeling that you've learned nothing about the convention so far. Luckily, this is a "live blog" so you'll get another update soon.

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