Worse still, it was a gateway drug. Remember "Love Boat"? PCP mixed with pot. It turned you into a rapist and child-killer of superhuman strength.
Actually smoking pot was more than bad. It seemed positively evil. My father would return from his after-work jog around the field of Western Junior High School (right behind our house) and shake his head that some of the kids hanging out there in the evening were smoking marijuana. I shuddered. That he'd seen the face of evil and come back alive seemed almost miraculous.
So there, I've said it. I have never smoked pot.
In fact I've said it a lot, but my feelings on my pot-smoking virginity have begun to change...When I first announced to my college friends that I'd never smoked pot, I was kind of moralistic: I was disciplined enough to have never given in to temptation – not that I was judging anyone. (I rank "Moralistic" as the number #3 Most Unattractive Trait in People – right ahead of "Tax-cheating" and right behind "Dog-torturing.")
Indeed for the longest time I could only see the upside to being a member of the Never Been Baked Club: I was an obedient son. I was "high on life." I could one day be director of the DEA.
And It wasn't like a freak: I soon discovered that my friends Shannon and Jeanne were both NBBCers.
But now I've started to wonder...
The first doubt came when I met actor Cheech Marin at the Smithsonian Latino Center's "¡Smithsonian con Sabor!" event. It was a grand affair. Talk-show hostess Cristina was there, as was Governor Jeb Bush. But I was most excited to meet Cheech.
"I'm a huge fan," I gushed. "I've loved everything you've done."
Before those words had left my mouth, though, it struck me: I do love Cheech Marin. He's funny and supremely likable. I thought he was great in Tin Cup. But while I liked the Cheech and Chong movies, I didn't really get them. I didn't appreciate them like other people did. In fact I'd spent my life fake-laughing along friends to classic pothead comedy.
And here I was lying to Cheech Marin. I felt crummy. I had a few Caipirinhas, though, and forgot about it. (Photo at right: I met the new Juan Valdez at the same event.)Then came my "Aha!" (as Oprah would say) moment: One recent Tuesday morning, soon after I moved into my apartment, my bedroom was filled with a pungency that can only be described as herbal skunk. (I actually looked on my terrace for a skunk. I would have hated for a lost animal to fall from 12 stories up onto the Manhattan pavement.) I soon realized, "Wow. My neighbors are smoking marijuana ... on a weekday morning." How brash. How unconventional.
Then about a week later, I smelled it again. But it wasn't just coming from that side. Someone from the down the hallway on the other side was also getting stoned. Meanwhile I was my usual stressed-out self, biting my nails, shuttling between CNN, MSNBC, FoxNews, and E! (all the major news channels), trying to come up with a blog topic.
I'm kind of Type-A. I'm kind of a tight-ass. Maybe, I began thinking, I wouldn't be if I did a joint every now and then. Maybe blog topics would flow more freely. Maybe I could be as free as my pothead neighbors. (Yikes, I hope they're too stoned to read this.)
These days when I tell people I've never smoked pot, I say so with less conviction: "Isn't it funny?" I ask with a nervous laugh. "I mean, my mother is from Colombia and I've never been high!" Most don't think it's funny. They look at me with suspicion.
Others just don't get the "joke" about Colombia: "I don't get it. So you've just done blow?"
Jeanne and Shannon say nothing. (I think they ended up getting stoned without me.)
So what do you think? Are you a member of the Never Been Baked Club? Are you proud? Ashamed?
Finally, is there any reason – ethical, health-related, or otherwise – to my remaining an NBBCer?
Reader Comments ( Page 38 of 38)
556. Mo, go for it. I find it helps me to notice the funny and strange things that occur. For instance, the new Juan Valdez in the photo has hands larger than his head!
Jeff C at 5:13PM on Aug 31st 2007
557. Smoke pot its not bad then go to get some good fast food and eat it up.. Or go get drunk cause its legal go get some fast food and kill someone on the way cause you are driving drunk.. If alchol and tobacco are legal so should pot...
Dave at 7:14PM on Aug 30th 2007
558. I don't recommend getting stoned as a way of life. After many years of smoking and drinking, I find it best not to do anything anymore.
But never to have gotten stoned? You are quite nicely formed at this point and needn't fall into addiction just for having had an experience or two.
Of course, if you're in line for a job that requires a tinkle test, you must factor that requirement in. Somehow, though, I don't see peeing in a cup as a requirement for someone in your line of work.
Lulu Maude at 11:40AM on Sep 2nd 2007
559. This dosen't exactly address the prompt but maybe someone can help me out.
All of my freinds smoke pot and to really be "in" with them I feel like I should smoke pot, because when everyone knows that I'm straight edged I get excluded because there might be a possibility that everyone else wants to light up.
My problem really is that me and my dad are really close and he knows everything, to add to that I can't lie, seriously I'm the readable person in the world. I'm worried that he would eventually find out or I would tell him and his respect for me will never be the same.
Plus I take medication that shoots up my bld pressure so I could actually have a heart atack if I smoked.
Any suggestions?
Senior08 at 8:45PM on Sep 7th 2007
560. Never been stoned and proud! I live a clean life, and get my highs on the joys of life!
Heather at 9:22AM on Sep 10th 2007
561. Mo, I think your post illustrates an interesting point: If you take away the legal and moral issues regarding smoking weed, you are still left with a LOT of people who have and may still do it. What does that say about our culture -- that we have such an outward policy against it, yet a significant number of regular citizens partake in a puff once in a while. And if you do or not? I don't care much, except to be able to say we are a member of an underground counter-culture that somehow manages to remain in the hazy shadows of American life.
Regardless whether you do or not, I am not convinced that it would help you hash out some good material. Often what is produced is funny under the influence, but lacking later. For you, you are naturally creative and funny. It might have the opposite effect on you!
Dave at 4:40PM on Sep 10th 2007
562. Mo: I also entered and left Fair Harvard as a member of the NBBC, and then I became a geologist (it's entirely unacceptable to not be a pothead drunk in some geological circles). I was nervous. I was worried I'd stop fretting about the texture and poundage of the paper on which I took notes, or that I'd stop caring about putting the books back on my shelves in alphabetical order by author and then chronologically by publication date. I feared I'd turn into a giggling blob on the couch. Or worse...that my impeccable scrabble skills would somehow be permanently damaged. But I only smoked occasionally, and it was fun, relaxing, and I could even play Scrabble while high! Since landing in Medical School at the ripe old age of 30-something, I have stopped for the most part with a similar lack of negative effects. Being a fellow NYC-er, if you decide to give it a go, I'd gladly provide my now renowned (amongst other fellow late pot bloomer nerd friends of mine) “first time pot smoking counseling service…”
noonday at 11:36PM on Sep 11th 2007
563. BIG soapbox!!! Mo, what a ridiculous comment it was for the person to say that smoking pot better benefits high schoolers than adults. Only someone too uptight and judgmental to have ever enjoyed the natural relaxing effects of a WEED would make that comment. I'll bet people who post those types of comments are drunks and benzo addicts. But those very ADDICTIVE drugs are legal, right? High school kids who use drugs do so in order to change who they are because they are not comfortable and confident in their own skin. They want to fit in. They should definitely have no access to drugs of any kind. They should, however, have their parents, friends, and extended families involved in their lives. In total contrast, productive, hard working adults who use marijuana dont use it to make friends or fit in---they do so to relax; to be able to appreciate their home and family after a hard day at work---minus the chip on the shoulder. Mo, if you can go to your most favorite relaxing place with someone you are comfortable with and fire one up you will see exactly why alcohol is the drug that should be illegal. Period. Dont waste your time recalling all the ridiculous comments people have made regarding this subject--you be the judge. I am very curious to find out what you choose to do. If you choose to "Just Say NO" then I would say you're a good guy with a strong moral conscious. You make wise decisions based on what is right and wrong in the eyes of others, although not yourself. I hope it will be in our lifetime that this issue is put to rest and marijuana is legalized. I have confidence in the upcoming generation, those "high schoolers" who had to say "no" because they are required to be drug tested randomly at school (which I think is wonderful) and because their uptight parents thought pot was evil! I cant believe there are synthetic drugs---meth, coke, crack, ice, pills of ALL kinds--being cooked and cut with God only knows what, then abused until the user is worthless, hospitals are being filled with the addicts, they are taking police, EMS, and fire department time and money, not to mention the losses these addicts suffer; their homes, jobs, families, and health! The cost to our government must be enormous! While those who take an occasional puff of a weed--A PLANT! in order to relax (just as thouse who have their evening glass of wine do) are persecuted and condemned. Well, luckily we pot users are pretty laid back! We just sit back calmly in our private spot--dont trip out and hurt anyone, dont go to jail because we have smoked a joint and out of the blue decided to abuse our spouse, dont go out in the middle of the night and steal from anyone to get our fix, nor do we cry for hours and want to fight anyone nearby......you know, we just laugh with our own kind and feel confident that the day is coming where marijuana use is required by all the assholes in the world. What a nice world this would be. Til then.......enjoy Mo.
KB at 9:51PM on Sep 11th 2007
564. I myself, along with my husband, my two sisters, my mother (very rarely- say maybe for a concert), numerous aunts and uncles and many, many cousins all smoke the ganja. Of course, my family is the exception- I would imagine there aren't many like mine.
The Golden Rule of Marijuana smoking is simple... smoke only when you're happy. Don’t smoke when you’re mad, sad, upset, whatever. *Smoke when your happy, have fun with it*. If you smoke to feel better all the time, you’ll feel like you need it to feel better. That my friends is drug abuse. And that is why many believe that marijuana is a "gateway" drug. So yes, it can lead to more harmful drugs if it is abused, just as alcohol can lead to more dangerous drugs, just as Tylenol PM can lead to more dangerous drugs. I'm not going to get into statistics about more deaths from alcohol blah blah blah. Marijuana smokers are by far more mellow and less aggressive than any other mind altering substance users whether natural from the Earth or man made. I can tell you from experience, my husband and I have had some knock down dirty, nasty, name calling fights, things thrown at each other when we both have been drinking. We will have a beverage now in then, but since I introduced weed to him 4 years ago, we are perfect. Its been years since we have had a fight, disagreement or anything. I have been smoking marijuana for almost 10 years. I get tremendous relief from migraines from using and my neurologist is fully aware of my usage. My only complaint is having to smoke it. I would much rather prefer a pill. Or to be able to eat it in a cookie or brownie, but seeing as though its not legal in my state or across the country, my only options are to smoke from a bowl or my favorite strawberry flavored rolling papers. A water bong isn't as harsh on your throat and lungs.
Give it a try. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised with the experience. To each their own. Some prefer to hit the bottle. There were too many times I have forgotten what had happen from a night of drinking, never has that ever happened when I smoke marijuana- I AM IN CONTROL. I prefer to hit my bowl. I don't wake up feeling like a horse kicked me in my head with a hoof. And believe it or not- I am an exceptionally intelligent person and everyone I know that smokes marijuana is white collar, middle to upper class, also very intelligent, productive human being to our society. And I haven't gotten and less intelligent from my many years of use. So stop listening to the horror stories the people that have NEVER smoked are spewing. Listen to the "potheads".
Proud to Be a Pothead at 11:20PM on Sep 25th 2007
565. Getting high isn't all about relieving stress, it's also about really finding yourself and seeing a lot deeper into things. It's very fun,
very relaxing, and personally, I think a lot more people in the world today need to try marijuana. You probably wont get high your first time, so if you end up trying it, don't lose hope! :> Weed is definitely THE most misunderstood plant on earth. Personally, I don't think you should take a poll to see how many people want you to smoke weed, because that's almost peer pressure. Do what you want, man. It's an awesome experience, though, and I highly recommend it.
I was super depressed before I tried it, and now I'm handling things a hell of a lot better. It's great that you've opened up your mind to see differently about marijuana. It also stimulates your mind in a way that you are more creativity bound. That's the main reason I smoke marijuana- My dream is to go to Cornish College Of The Arts,
and I'm really working for that.
A lot of people are really misinformed when it comes to weed. I see some comments on here saying that it's mind altering and that it makes you go crazy and some other whacko crud like that. Don't listen to these people, Mo. Please. They only say this because they have never tried it. If your father got arrested for having pot, then that's his deal. This is why we have to work for legalization. So that innocent people DO NOT get put in jail for something that truly is not even a crime at all. I really cannot understand how people can be so close minded about things. Marijuana addiction? That's honestly a riot! If you are so psychologically weak to get ADDICTED to marijuana, then you need help in the first place. It is truly, honest to cake, not addicting. If you use it every day for some years then yeah, it's going to be weird not smoking weed, and you'll probably crave some, but it goes away. I REALLY don't recommend to anyone smoking everyday over that long of a period of time. Every weekend or every 3 days is very healthy and a good little routine. (I myself am a weekend person) All in all, I say try it.
Wishing you luck! :D
Nata at 7:43PM on Sep 27th 2007
566. okayyy so listen mo... i used to critcize people that smoked.. i thought it was the dumbest thing in the world.. why smoke its just fucks your body up.. thought like every single other none smoker... but then i tryed it.. the first time i didnt even get high thought it was still stupid then got pressured to do it again... once i actually got high it was amazing.. seriously its a completely different feeling from being drunk.. all ur senses change and u feel great... i made it a everyday habit at a point and turn into one of ur so called "potheads" noww i quit smoking and havent done it for months when i used to smoke cigarettes and weed but me being a non smoker defiently is telling u u should try it.. look at it this way.. notice that every person that done it.. says u should try it.. the onli people that say not to do it.. are people that havent done it because they dont know what it does to you.. i dont even smoke pot but i have and im telling you its something everybody should experience the feeling is really awesome you will laughh for hours and never forget the first time you were high... go for it man.. at first inhaling might b a lil hard but once u get used to it nd get a nice buzz im telling you you'll love the feeling.. and the onli ppll that say smoking weed is bad and not to do it is people hu havent done it b4 and there just scared... imm telling u try it.. if u dont like it dont do it again.. but its defiently a part of life u should not miss out on
Kyle Chico at 12:41AM on Sep 28th 2007