Miss Teen South Carolina Lauren Caitlin Upton has riveted the nation since her spectacular syntactical trainwreck last week. She may have lost the crown. (She ended up the third runner-up. You should have heard the fourth runner-up's answer!) But make no mistake, there were winners:
Aimee Teegarden, the devious questioner who deliberately threw Miss South Carolina a curve ball and came off looking like a super genius in comparison.
Mario Lopez, the host who all but licked his chops after coming face to face with the evening's easiest conquest.
ABC's Merry Miller, the "What's The Buzz" host who can finally escape the media glare after her interview of Holly Hunter. (Of course I'll be tuning in when Merry Miller interviews Miss South Carolina.)
And now you can be a winner!
It seems obvious that there was some sort of malfunction, short-circuiting. Did a jealous Aimee Teegarden mess with Miss South Carolina's fuse box? In retrospect it seems miraculous that Miss South Carolina's head didn't explode. (Some theorists hold that Miss South Carolina is a foreign terrorist plant, speaking code to signal sleeper cells. Nonsense. She's clearly a product of the American education system.)
But whether it was a hardware or software issue, one thing is clear: Miss South Carolina's answer included all the important pageant words. Among them: believe ... Americans ... education ... help ... future ("South Africa" seemed oddly dated. Was she running on a faulty version of Pageant '95?)
YOUR CHALLENGE: Reorder Miss South Carolina's words into a coherent answer. You cannot use any words that don't appear in the text below and you can only use a word as many times as it appeared in her answer. (e.g., "believe" appears three times, so you cannot use it more than three times.) You may use any punctuation you'd like, since after all, Miss South Carolina didn't use any at all. You don't have to use every word, though if you do, it's a slam dunk.
Submit your new answers in the comments section. I will put the five best answers to a vote.
THE PRIZE: I will send the winner my Kung Fu t-shirt. (It's pretty new. You can see the lines from where it was folded.)
HERE IS THE TEXT OF WHAT SHE SAID:
I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because uh some people out there in our nation don't have maps and uh I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for.
Now it's your turn to make it make sense! Good luck!!!
***
UPDATE:
The entries are fantastic so far. Thanks. I'll post the finalists this evening.
Also, I just saw Miss South Carolina on the Today Show. She said watching the clip of herself was like watching someone else take over her body - implying that she was possessed. I can see it now: a remake of The Exorcist with Miss South Carolina as Regan and Mario Lopez as Father Damian!
Reader Comments ( Page 1 of 55)
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yvzposhndo at 10:40AM on Jan 24th 2009
2. I personally believe that Americans are unable to do so because we will be able to build up our future in our nation such as in Iraq. Some people out there don’t have education over here in the U.S. I believe that countries like South Africa should help Iraq and the Asian maps education. Should the South Africa help everywhere such as our U.S., I believe that they should help for the U.S. and our like. And the... and... and... Or should so?
But I want the emergency blackout kit too.
Andrew at 9:49PM on Aug 27th 2007
3. “For uh… I believe… uh… we Americans don't have education, like over here in the South… and that our education, like, are unable to do so because some people out there in the South, such as I personally, believe that our nation, the U.S., should help up the U.S. And I believe that… our U.S. should help the Iraq and Asian countries, such as in Africa and Iraq, so… Africa and everywhere should…will be… able to build maps. Or… they should help our future.”
I used every word.
rivercelt at 10:49PM on Aug 27th 2007
4. I believe that Americans, because they should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries, are unable to do so because some people don't have maps personally. Uh, uh, I believe that our education will be able to build up our future. Out there in our nation, the U.S., and like such as in everywhere out there should help the U.S. for we so...
Alexander at 10:53PM on Aug 27th 2007
5. So, uh, I like personally believe that countries like South Africa should help in Iraq. And over here in the U.S, Americans should help our nation. And the......... And the..........And our people everywhere out in the U.S. don't, or are unable to, have education and as such I believe that we, the U.S, should build up for our future. Because I uh believe... such as our Asian maps.... that South Africa should help Iraq so they will be able to do some education there.
Alan at 12:39PM on Aug 28th 2007
6. I decided to take the more grammatically sound route and add punctuation for our dear Miss Teen South Carolina. You're the Harvard literature major Mo, you tell me if it's good.
Here is my entry into the Word Scramble.
I personally believe that some Americans out there in our nation are unable to do so because they don’t have maps. I believe that people in South Africa, Asian countries, and Iraq believe that over here in the U.S. we should help South Africa and Iraq so the U.S. will be able to build up our future education everywhere.
Your friend, Blayze “Shaggy” O’Brien from the Bee
Blayze at 10:58PM on Aug 27th 2007
7. Blayze...where are the two "uh"s??? aaaaaah! (buzzer)
Alexander at 11:11PM on Aug 27th 2007
8. Sorry Alexander, I kind of wanted to rid the entire thing of, what do you call it? Stupidness. Thus I left out the 'uh's to give it a bit more dignity, at least for the proud state of South Carolina.
Blayze at 11:30PM on Aug 27th 2007
9. I believe that Americans don’t have education like in Asian countries. They are unable to do so because I help. I personally help everywhere. Like such, education in our future should help us. South Africa and Iraq believe…uh…that in the U.S., our people build maps. Believe, U.S.
...okay, that's the best that I can come up with, and it has nowhere near the complete amount of words. I'm interested to see what everyone else comes up with.
Jazzy spazzy at 11:57PM on Aug 27th 2007
10. Sorry Alexander, I kind of wanted to rid the entire thing of, what do you call it? Stupidness. Thus I left out the 'uh's to give it a bit more dignity, at least for the proud state of South Carolina which is really a beautiful part of our nation. Visit it if you can.
Also, here is the hilarious Holly Hunter ABC 'What's the Buzz?' Interview.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbpUwx_YLGc
Notice at the end how Merry Miller says 'NBC' instead of 'ABC'. If you listen close enough, you can hear one of the producers scream a profanity.
Blayze at 11:47PM on Aug 27th 2007
11. I like mine because it still makes no sense.
Andrew at 11:47PM on Aug 27th 2007
12. I believe that Americans are so unable to do as they should, such as help Iraq, South Africa, the Asian people and such, everywhere. Uh, South Africa and Iraq SO don't have our help! I personally believe we should build up our education over here (maps and the like). The U.S. should help the U.S., because the U.S. WILL be able to help --out there. Our nation should believe in education, for our countries, for the future.
Nici at 11:53PM on Aug 27th 2007
13. Now that I think about it...it was a trick question. In a recent poll, 1/5th of Americans couldn't pick out the US on a world map. Why do you think that is? The answer is obvious, but I doubt it would have earned her any points with Mario.
Answer: It was a telephone pole. Get it...they couldn't see the map...yeah. Well, I still think she was robbed!
rivercelt at 12:07AM on Aug 28th 2007
14. It was a trick question.
Question: In a recent poll, 1/5th of Americans couldn't pick out the US on a world map. Why do you think that is?
Answer: It was a telephone poll.
That’s all she had to say.
rivercelt at 12:14AM on Aug 28th 2007
15. I personally believe that uh there is nothing wrong with response that uh Miss South Carolina from our country U.S. America our nation had a bad answer, but uh Asia countries I mean help the Iraq I mean, but what do I know.
But seriously, this is the best word scrabble I can do, and I used all of the words, too:
I personally believe that the Americans in the U.S. are unable to do so because, uh, some people don't have such maps as like in South Africa and Iraq. I believe that they, the U.S., should...should help the U.S. education here and, uh, I believe that our...our education should help out our nation so we will be able to help and/or build up our future and should for everywhere such as like over there in South Africa Iraq and the Asian countries.
Whiew!!!
Jessica at 3:35PM on Aug 28th 2007