Miss Teen South Carolina Lauren Caitlin Upton has riveted the nation since her spectacular syntactical trainwreck last week. She may have lost the crown. (She ended up the third runner-up. You should have heard the fourth runner-up's answer!) But make no mistake, there were winners:
Aimee Teegarden, the devious questioner who deliberately threw Miss South Carolina a curve ball and came off looking like a super genius in comparison.
Mario Lopez, the host who all but licked his chops after coming face to face with the evening's easiest conquest.
ABC's Merry Miller, the "What's The Buzz" host who can finally escape the media glare after her interview of Holly Hunter. (Of course I'll be tuning in when Merry Miller interviews Miss South Carolina.)
And now you can be a winner!
It seems obvious that there was some sort of malfunction, short-circuiting. Did a jealous Aimee Teegarden mess with Miss South Carolina's fuse box? In retrospect it seems miraculous that Miss South Carolina's head didn't explode. (Some theorists hold that Miss South Carolina is a foreign terrorist plant, speaking code to signal sleeper cells. Nonsense. She's clearly a product of the American education system.)
But whether it was a hardware or software issue, one thing is clear: Miss South Carolina's answer included all the important pageant words. Among them: believe ... Americans ... education ... help ... future ("South Africa" seemed oddly dated. Was she running on a faulty version of Pageant '95?)
YOUR CHALLENGE: Reorder Miss South Carolina's words into a coherent answer. You cannot use any words that don't appear in the text below and you can only use a word as many times as it appeared in her answer. (e.g., "believe" appears three times, so you cannot use it more than three times.) You may use any punctuation you'd like, since after all, Miss South Carolina didn't use any at all. You don't have to use every word, though if you do, it's a slam dunk.
Submit your new answers in the comments section. I will put the five best answers to a vote.
THE PRIZE: I will send the winner my Kung Fu t-shirt. (It's pretty new. You can see the lines from where it was folded.)
HERE IS THE TEXT OF WHAT SHE SAID:
I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because uh some people out there in our nation don't have maps and uh I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for.
Now it's your turn to make it make sense! Good luck!!!
***
UPDATE:
The entries are fantastic so far. Thanks. I'll post the finalists this evening.
Also, I just saw Miss South Carolina on the Today Show. She said watching the clip of herself was like watching someone else take over her body - implying that she was possessed. I can see it now: a remake of The Exorcist with Miss South Carolina as Regan and Mario Lopez as Father Damian!
Reader Comments ( Page 2 of 55)
16. I believe that Americans are unable to do so, because, like in our nation, the South, our education don't have maps. Some people out there in, uh, Iraq, the U.S. and Africa believe that they should build up for the future. We will build up like Asian countries to help the U.S. I believe that the South should help Africa and uh, personally, the U.S. should help everywhere, like Iraq.
Jason A Lester at 12:20AM on Aug 28th 2007
17. Holy crap, these are genius!
I have to say, those of you using all the words have set the bar very high. The use of punctuation (including parentheses and ellipses) is brilliant.
Mo Rocca at 12:20AM on Aug 28th 2007
18. Sorry...didn't mean to post my inane comment twice...I thought once was enough but I spelled "pole" wrong the first time. I'm a victim of the southern education system.
rivercelt at 12:21AM on Aug 28th 2007
19. I personally believe that our Americans don't and should have such education for maps as in the Asian countries. I believe some people are unable to do so because uh, the U.S. help the education everywhere like in...such as South Africa and Iraq, and uh, I believe that our, our nation, the U.S. should help out here so we will be able to and/or that they should...should build up our future like the U.S. help over there in South Africa and Iraq.
Phony Artist at 1:00AM on Aug 28th 2007
20. Our education maps the future for the U.S.
Personally, I believe such that Americans should help build our education over here in the U.S., like the Asian countries do (and as our nation should) so that they will be able to help people everywhere out there in Africa, or Iraq.
Africa and Iraq don't have that help.
And Some are unable to because our South should ...
believe...
And we as in the South U.S., and I...
I believe!
Sam at 1:19AM on Aug 28th 2007
21. Can you repeat the question.
Des at 1:49AM on Aug 28th 2007
22. Can you repeat the question.
Des at 1:50AM on Aug 28th 2007
23. Ok, so here it goes!
Like, I personally believe the Asian Americans are unable to do so because uh in our nation out there, some people have the maps. And uh I believe that I don’t like the education ,such as that in South Africa and the U.S. Everywhere such as Iraq should believe they help the U.S., and our education over here in South Africa. Should Iraq help, or should the U.S.? And that should help our countries, so we to will be able for our future build up.
Game Theory for Applied Economics Nerd at 1:32AM on Aug 28th 2007
24. I swear I used every word. I have to say, this was a tricky one.
Game Theory for Applied Economics Nerd at 1:34AM on Aug 28th 2007
25. I personally believe that EVERYWHERE should be in the U.S. We build the future, the education, and the maps, and as such, they should believe in our able nation. Over there, such as in South Africa, Iraq, and some Asian countries, the U.S. will help people (have to) believe that, like our Americans. South Africa and Iraq are unable to do so, or don't, because uh... uh... so, our education should help that. I help out up here, like I should, for our U.S.!
Sarah at 1:37AM on Aug 28th 2007
26. Ok, mine makes no sense whatsoever.....lol
I seriously need to work on my reordering skills.
Game Theory for Applied Economics Nerd at 1:40AM on Aug 28th 2007
27. I wish I was still on sick leave and could singlemindedly work on this project- or just snipe at Mo and Shaggy!
If she is actually a "girl robot", where can I get one!? I've got something for her to talk to...
Mike at 1:47AM on Aug 28th 2007
28. West Coast version:
Unable to do maps???! Some in our nation, such as I believe, and such as everywhere, should help and should so help the U.S. build our future for our education. Up here in the U.S., I should be able to have that education, and, uh…uh, we will because they should believe. Like, don't help the Iraq and the Asian countries, or that South Africa. I personally believe that our U.S. Americans are so over people out there, like, in South Africa and the Iraq.
rivercelt at 2:17AM on Aug 28th 2007
29. Let me try.
Uh,...I personally don't like education and maps out there. I believe in South Africa and such overhere and that they should do as the countries in our nation like Asia believe.... that, uh.....some people in Africa, south to Iraq, should help everywhere build up the education future that U.S. Americans are unable to. (pause) So we should help the U.S.S. Iraq be able and believe our help......because our will should believe..
David Gilchrist at 2:34AM on Aug 28th 2007
30. I uh some people out there in our nation don't believe the Asian countries or South Africa should have maps and uh such as I believe that should help our education in the U.S. everywhere and I like believe that they (maps) will be able to build up our education personally over here in the U.S. and should help the U.S. and should help Iraq and so because like such as our future we the South Africa Americans that are so unable to do for Iraq the.........what was the question?
Don at 2:32AM on Aug 28th 2007