Miss Teen South Carolina Lauren Caitlin Upton has riveted the nation since her spectacular syntactical trainwreck last week. She may have lost the crown. (She ended up the third runner-up. You should have heard the fourth runner-up's answer!) But make no mistake, there were winners:
Aimee Teegarden, the devious questioner who deliberately threw Miss South Carolina a curve ball and came off looking like a super genius in comparison.
Mario Lopez, the host who all but licked his chops after coming face to face with the evening's easiest conquest.
ABC's Merry Miller, the "What's The Buzz" host who can finally escape the media glare after her interview of Holly Hunter. (Of course I'll be tuning in when Merry Miller interviews Miss South Carolina.)
And now you can be a winner!
It seems obvious that there was some sort of malfunction, short-circuiting. Did a jealous Aimee Teegarden mess with Miss South Carolina's fuse box? In retrospect it seems miraculous that Miss South Carolina's head didn't explode. (Some theorists hold that Miss South Carolina is a foreign terrorist plant, speaking code to signal sleeper cells. Nonsense. She's clearly a product of the American education system.)
But whether it was a hardware or software issue, one thing is clear: Miss South Carolina's answer included all the important pageant words. Among them: believe ... Americans ... education ... help ... future ("South Africa" seemed oddly dated. Was she running on a faulty version of Pageant '95?)
YOUR CHALLENGE: Reorder Miss South Carolina's words into a coherent answer. You cannot use any words that don't appear in the text below and you can only use a word as many times as it appeared in her answer. (e.g., "believe" appears three times, so you cannot use it more than three times.) You may use any punctuation you'd like, since after all, Miss South Carolina didn't use any at all. You don't have to use every word, though if you do, it's a slam dunk.
Submit your new answers in the comments section. I will put the five best answers to a vote.
THE PRIZE: I will send the winner my Kung Fu t-shirt. (It's pretty new. You can see the lines from where it was folded.)
HERE IS THE TEXT OF WHAT SHE SAID:
I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because uh some people out there in our nation don't have maps and uh I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for.
Now it's your turn to make it make sense! Good luck!!!
***
UPDATE:
The entries are fantastic so far. Thanks. I'll post the finalists this evening.
Also, I just saw Miss South Carolina on the Today Show. She said watching the clip of herself was like watching someone else take over her body - implying that she was possessed. I can see it now: a remake of The Exorcist with Miss South Carolina as Regan and Mario Lopez as Father Damian!
Reader Comments ( Page 3 of 55)
31. I, like, uh, believe our U.S. people are unable to do so because they don’t have the education Americans should. Such as in the South, and here in the U.S. Some out there, and I personally, believe South Africa and Iraq to be Asian countries that our nation should help. Over in Iraq, and Africa, and the able U.S.; such as everywhere that our maps should, like, help. So that we should, or uh, will, I believe, help build up our education for the future.
LJ at 2:34AM on Aug 28th 2007
32. I believe that the U.S. should personally build maps everywhere because some here in our nation, the U.S. Americans, don't believe in Iraq, South America-uh, or the Asian countries! So we should have people over there help in our (U.S.) education, such as South Africa-uh and Iraq. They should help our education and future, for I believe, I will help to be over the able and up that, such as that to our unable should do for the like, so, and out.
Amy at 3:28AM on Aug 28th 2007
33. I like Americans. We don't have maps. I personally believe that able nations, such as Iraq, South Africa and Asian countries should help out. They should build some education over here, in the U.S. they should do so because that should help u(.)s(.), the U.S. believe in our will.
OUR FUTURE SHOULD HELP UNABLE PEOPLE EVERYWHERE, SUCH AS I.
Uh...
No Child Left Behind seemed to have left one behind.
Elizabeth Y. at 3:37AM on Aug 28th 2007
34. So...I changed one "U.S." into "us." But we weren't supposed to worry about punctuation...right? Right??
I believe that Americans such as us should help our education. Over here in the--our--South, some people are unable to do so because they, uh, don't have the maps. And the U.S. should help our nation up that education. And personally, I believe the U.S. should help everywhere out there--such as for the Asian countries (uh, like Iraq) and/or in Africa (like South Africa). I believe that we, and Iraq, should be able to build our future. And we will.
Poopus at 3:44AM on Aug 28th 2007
35. "As to that--so people out there in South Africa, and Iraq, and the Asian countries do such? I personally believe Americans are unable because some in our nation believe that the U.S. should be …uh …everywhere. Should we up our education, or build maps? The U.S. should help South Africa, and Iraq, and the like, so they will help the U.S.
I like our able education over here! Uh … don't believe such as I, IN--and FOR--our future?
Have to.
That should help."
I left out one word, according to my MSWord word count, but I've crossed words out and can't figure out what it is.
Great challenge, Mo. I'm a regular reader, but this is the first time I've felt inclined to participate.
Leah at 4:25AM on Aug 28th 2007
36. Here's the South African Version
uh, I personally believe that Americans are unable to do so because some people in our U.S. nation don't like have education and maps and such and I believe that our education over here in the U.S. should be like such as in South Africa and Iraq and the Asian countries everywhere and I believe that the South Africa and Iraq should like uh help the U.S. so we will be able to build up our future as for our children out there.
madmountainza at 6:24AM on Aug 28th 2007
37. Blondie's whoo whoo was yanking at her tampon string and was causing a disruption of her brain waves. This is normal among blonds, particularly so among blonds who occasionally drop their finger nail files when having an orgasm.
Braindead at 1:55PM on Aug 28th 2007
38. "you only have to look at my vocabulary and syntax to realise the question asked is a reflection of the general populace and its all down hill from here baby!"
Andrew at 7:07AM on Aug 28th 2007
39. South Africa, Iraq, Asian countries and, uh, everywhere should help U.S. education. Personally, I believe that Americans are unable to do so because they don’t have maps. Like, over here, in the U.S., some people believe that we will be able to build up our future in Iraq. (Soooo out there!) I believe that education should help our nation…
Lee at 7:10AM on Aug 28th 2007
40. It's really quite simple to figure out what she was trying to say, if you just simply repeat her response in reverse. Obviously you have to add an occasional comma, period and exclamation mark along the way, but hey.........she wasn't asked to do that!
Mark Boxshus at 7:21AM on Aug 28th 2007
41. Uh, Personally, I believe that the U.S Americans and our like in our U.S are unable to do so because, such as, Iraq, South Africa and the Asian countries have our maps and that some people don’t. I, uh, believe Iraq and South Africa should help build up our future and our education over here in the U.S. . The education, such as, out there in our nation should help. Like everywhere, that the will to be able, should. And so, should we, or they?
Jon at 7:49AM on Aug 28th 2007
42. I am from South Africa and all I can say is please don't help us, especially if you're from South Carolina.
I think even the Iraqis will agree with me on this one.
Here's a request: Please go back to judging contestants on their looks alone. When I see a model in a magazine, I really don't care if she's an astrophysicist or a metermaid. As long as she makes for an attractive image. Your feminists have already proven they can be men as well, haven't they!?
Why try to prove the same theory over and over?
Jacques at 7:45AM on Aug 28th 2007
43. Here is what I personally believe the...like...uh...poor girl was...like...uh...trying to say.
I personally believe that Americans are unable to do so because they don't have education. I believe that countries like South Africa and Iraq should help the U.S. to build up our education, everywhere, for our nation, and our future.
Sledge at 8:02AM on Aug 28th 2007
44. Like UH who wrote here speech, you know Uh!
Brenda at 8:13AM on Aug 28th 2007
45. I just saw her on the Today Show! She was great. She claimed that it wasn't "her" talking, implying she was possessed.
I can see it: a remake of The Exorcist, with Miss South Carolina as Regan and Mario Lopez as Father Damian!
Mo Rocca at 8:28AM on Aug 28th 2007