Miss Teen South Carolina Lauren Caitlin Upton has riveted the nation since her spectacular syntactical trainwreck last week. She may have lost the crown. (She ended up the third runner-up. You should have heard the fourth runner-up's answer!) But make no mistake, there were winners:
Aimee Teegarden, the devious questioner who deliberately threw Miss South Carolina a curve ball and came off looking like a super genius in comparison.
Mario Lopez, the host who all but licked his chops after coming face to face with the evening's easiest conquest.
ABC's Merry Miller, the "What's The Buzz" host who can finally escape the media glare after her interview of Holly Hunter. (Of course I'll be tuning in when Merry Miller interviews Miss South Carolina.)
And now you can be a winner!
It seems obvious that there was some sort of malfunction, short-circuiting. Did a jealous Aimee Teegarden mess with Miss South Carolina's fuse box? In retrospect it seems miraculous that Miss South Carolina's head didn't explode. (Some theorists hold that Miss South Carolina is a foreign terrorist plant, speaking code to signal sleeper cells. Nonsense. She's clearly a product of the American education system.)
But whether it was a hardware or software issue, one thing is clear: Miss South Carolina's answer included all the important pageant words. Among them: believe ... Americans ... education ... help ... future ("South Africa" seemed oddly dated. Was she running on a faulty version of Pageant '95?)
YOUR CHALLENGE: Reorder Miss South Carolina's words into a coherent answer. You cannot use any words that don't appear in the text below and you can only use a word as many times as it appeared in her answer. (e.g., "believe" appears three times, so you cannot use it more than three times.) You may use any punctuation you'd like, since after all, Miss South Carolina didn't use any at all. You don't have to use every word, though if you do, it's a slam dunk.
Submit your new answers in the comments section. I will put the five best answers to a vote.
THE PRIZE: I will send the winner my Kung Fu t-shirt. (It's pretty new. You can see the lines from where it was folded.)
HERE IS THE TEXT OF WHAT SHE SAID:
I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because uh some people out there in our nation don't have maps and uh I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for.
Now it's your turn to make it make sense! Good luck!!!
***
UPDATE:
The entries are fantastic so far. Thanks. I'll post the finalists this evening.
Also, I just saw Miss South Carolina on the Today Show. She said watching the clip of herself was like watching someone else take over her body - implying that she was possessed. I can see it now: a remake of The Exorcist with Miss South Carolina as Regan and Mario Lopez as Father Damian!
Reader Comments ( Page 4 of 55)
46. See what happens when YANKEES run the school system? This is NOT funny, It's bloody sad. In fact, given the amount of money we have sunk into the American school system, it's a CRIME. No more money for publik edumacation.
She's dumber than a box of rocks, but hey, she's pretty so who cares? I'm going to go BARF now. Be back later.
The Constitutionalist at 8:30AM on Aug 28th 2007
47. I personally don't have education. Or maps. South Africa should help I.
Jo at 8:40AM on Aug 28th 2007
48. Please tell me it's not too late. I really need that shirt!
Like any good editor I have done a little cutting and mending that Ms. SC would surely approve (if she can read):
"I personally don't believe in education, maps, the US, and our future and I believe Iraq, South Africa, and the Asian countries should help Americans everywhere." uhuh
Meme at 8:54AM on Aug 28th 2007
49. Oh, I hope it's not too late to get mine in! I used every (stupid) word. I just wish she hadn't said "and" so many times. That second "uh" was a bear to fit in too. Ugh! But here it is... Her answer in English this time:
I, uh,... Personally, I believe that our nation should be able to have our education, and the Americans everywhere are unable to do so because some people don't like the U.S.. They believe that the U.S. should build up such South Asian countries as Iraq or help Africa.
I believe that we should help in our education, such as in maps, for our future over here in the U.S., and so South Africa, and Iraq, and the like, should, and will,... uh... help out there.
Emily Hopper at 9:42AM on Aug 28th 2007
50. Here my version of her answer. It wouldn't have made her very popular with the politically correct, but it would have been fun to hear:
I, uh,... Personally, I believe that our nation should be able to have our education. And the Americans everywhere are unable to do so because some people don't like the U.S.. They believe that the U.S. should build up such South Asian countries as Iraq or help Africa.
I believe that we should help in our education, such as in maps, for our future over here in the U.S., and so South Africa, and Iraq, and the like, should, and will,...uh... help out there.
Emily Hopper at 9:39AM on Aug 28th 2007
51. Sorry to post twice, but I like this one better. I just moved the word "over" to a better spot. Thanks!
I, uh,... Personally, I believe that our nation should be able to have our education. And the Americans everywhere are unable to do so because some people don't like the U.S.. They believe that the U.S. should build up such South Asian countries as Iraq or help Africa.
I believe that we should help in our education, such as in maps, for our future here in the U.S., and so South Africa, and Iraq, and the like, should, and will,...uh... help out over there.
Emily Hopper at 9:49AM on Aug 28th 2007
52. [some rubrics are in brackets... it's all in the presentation]
Have maps? That should help. [laugh knowingly]
In the future, the people out there (such as Africa, the Asian countries… everywhere) and here should help our able Americans to build up our U.S. education. For I—and we—should be the help.
Some are unable to do so personally, such as over in south Iraq or in South Africa, because they don't like our nation. And so will Iraq like that? Uh-uh. [shake head]
I believe in the U.S. and our education; and I believe that the U.S should believe. [smile. wave.]
Kay in Cal at 9:52AM on Aug 28th 2007
53. Americans personally believe that the Asian countries should help the U.S. South build up maps because some people are unable to do so. Should Africa like Iraq? I belive that they should. And as our education over here should help, I don't believe that. I like the U.S., so out there in our nation, we should help our future so we will be able to help everywhere, such as in Africa and South Iraq? Help, uh and uh...
jimbo at 12:58PM on Aug 28th 2007
54. Okay, like, uh, er, Mr. Rocco, um, what was the question? Oh, okay. I think I, like, got it now?! Okay. Breathe. Okay I'm ready. I think. Okay. So, like, I gotta use only her words, like right? Okay. Okay, I think I can do this now. I think that, like, the American U.S., South Africa, and the Iraq should, should all have the same maps, so like, we could all be, like one country, and like, um, we'd all have education, you know, and WORLD PEACE! See, I did it, I did it! Didn't I? Can I, like, get my prize now, okay? PS: Like, I once saw Rocky on my parents' pay per view, and like, are you related? It's, like, so kewl that you and him have like, the same last name. I also think it's so kewl your mommy named you Mo. If I ever have a baby like you, I'd want Mo, too. And, of course, WORLD PEACE! PPS: Will you write me at college next year? I'm going to Jones U. Not Bob Jones, silly! VELVET Jones! See, they told me that since I got a 3.5 grade point average and honor roll in high school, they would put me on their special roll that also begins with an ho...
Hammond Hank at 1:04AM on Sep 8th 2007
55. Personally, I believe so: that maps for our U.S.South should help build up our education. And in our nation...uh...our U.S. ...Americans in the South believe they should like such education in the future, and that should help. Should the U.S. help some people everywhere , uh, such as Africa and Iraq and/or the Asian countries? I like to be able. I believe that Africa and Iraq are unable to do so because out there we don't have the will, as over here.
Ann at 10:11AM on Aug 28th 2007
56. In our nation us Americans are unable to do education and uh South Africa and Asian countries and Irag believe that they should build the future up for their nation and not our education in the U.S and we need help in the South.
VB at 10:23AM on Aug 28th 2007
57. I personally believe that U.S. Americans have maps and I believe that they should be able to build up our education. Because some people out there in South Africa and the Iraq and the Asian countries, don't help or are unable to do so- the U.S. should help for our future. And should the U.S. help, South Africa and Iraq will like our nation as we should.
Chris at 10:33AM on Aug 28th 2007
58. Didn't use all the words, but I think I conveyed her point more effectively...
U.S. Americans are unable to believe that our education should help the Asian countries such as U.S. South Africa and the U.S. Iraq. I personally believe that our education should help the South Africa and should help the Iraq because some people out there don't have maps, such as I believe. They should be able to build up our future over here for the nation. I like everywhere.
cowgirl20160 at 10:35AM on Aug 28th 2007
59. I personally believe that U.S. Americans have maps and I believe that they should be able to build up our education. Because some people out there in South Africa and the Iraq and the Asian countries, don't help or are unable to do so- the U.S. should help for our future. And should the U.S. help, South Africa and Iraq will like our nation as we should.
Chris at 10:32AM on Aug 28th 2007
60. Miss South Carolina just proves the qoute "DUMB BLONDE" what the hell does education in South Africa and Iraq have to with Americans Finding North America on a map. ( I wonder if she's George Bushes Youngest daughter we dont Know about Because only he can give a dumb ass answer like that LOL)
shaniqua at 10:48AM on Aug 28th 2007