Miss Teen South Carolina Lauren Caitlin Upton has riveted the nation since her spectacular syntactical trainwreck last week. She may have lost the crown. (She ended up the third runner-up. You should have heard the fourth runner-up's answer!) But make no mistake, there were winners:
Aimee Teegarden, the devious questioner who deliberately threw Miss South Carolina a curve ball and came off looking like a super genius in comparison.
Mario Lopez, the host who all but licked his chops after coming face to face with the evening's easiest conquest.
ABC's Merry Miller, the "What's The Buzz" host who can finally escape the media glare after her interview of Holly Hunter. (Of course I'll be tuning in when Merry Miller interviews Miss South Carolina.)
And now you can be a winner!
It seems obvious that there was some sort of malfunction, short-circuiting. Did a jealous Aimee Teegarden mess with Miss South Carolina's fuse box? In retrospect it seems miraculous that Miss South Carolina's head didn't explode. (Some theorists hold that Miss South Carolina is a foreign terrorist plant, speaking code to signal sleeper cells. Nonsense. She's clearly a product of the American education system.)
But whether it was a hardware or software issue, one thing is clear: Miss South Carolina's answer included all the important pageant words. Among them: believe ... Americans ... education ... help ... future ("South Africa" seemed oddly dated. Was she running on a faulty version of Pageant '95?)
YOUR CHALLENGE: Reorder Miss South Carolina's words into a coherent answer. You cannot use any words that don't appear in the text below and you can only use a word as many times as it appeared in her answer. (e.g., "believe" appears three times, so you cannot use it more than three times.) You may use any punctuation you'd like, since after all, Miss South Carolina didn't use any at all. You don't have to use every word, though if you do, it's a slam dunk.
Submit your new answers in the comments section. I will put the five best answers to a vote.
THE PRIZE: I will send the winner my Kung Fu t-shirt. (It's pretty new. You can see the lines from where it was folded.)
HERE IS THE TEXT OF WHAT SHE SAID:
I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because uh some people out there in our nation don't have maps and uh I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for.
Now it's your turn to make it make sense! Good luck!!!
***
UPDATE:
The entries are fantastic so far. Thanks. I'll post the finalists this evening.
Also, I just saw Miss South Carolina on the Today Show. She said watching the clip of herself was like watching someone else take over her body - implying that she was possessed. I can see it now: a remake of The Exorcist with Miss South Carolina as Regan and Mario Lopez as Father Damian!
Reader Comments ( Page 5 of 55)
61. Miss South Carolina just proves the qoute "DUMB BLONDE" what the hell does education in South Africa and Iraq have to with Americans Finding North America on a map. ( I wonder if she's George Bushes Youngest daughter we dont Know about Because only he can give a dumb ass answer like that LOL)
shaniqua at 10:47AM on Aug 28th 2007
62. I am now dumber for having read that. Seriously though, that poor girl must have been incredibly nervous. We're all prone to blonde moments, she just had hers very publicly.
Ashlee at 11:00AM on Aug 28th 2007
63. We will be able to build up our future for the Iraq
and I believe that they South Africa should help the U.S. uh and I believe personally that Iraq Americans education over here should help the Asian countries so in everywhere U.S. Americans are unable to do so everywhere like such as the U.S. I believe should help and the like everywhere because uh some people out there in our South Africa education nation don't have maps.
Heather at 10:52AM on Aug 28th 2007
64. I think she should run for political office. She answered that question like a politician. She just forgot to say ....Oh, yes and WORLD PEACE.
EK at 10:55AM on Aug 28th 2007
65. Is "Uh" a new preposition that was not previously in grammar texts? I don't recall learning that one.
David at 10:56AM on Aug 28th 2007
66. I saw this babbling idiot yesterday on Good Morning America and the entire staff was in shock! Did this bimbo get this far because she looks like Paris Hilton? Actually, condsidering most of the South I believe she is the best spokesperson South Carolina could come up with!!! Sad, sad, sad...
J. Arthur Lanteigne at 10:57AM on Aug 28th 2007
67. So, I personally believe that as US Americans, uh, as some people out there in our nation, are unable to do so because, like, they don't have the maps and, uh, I believe that the US should be able to help our education everywhere like in that South Africa and Iraq and such. I believe our education over here in the US should, will help South Africa or should help Iraq and we should build up our future for the Asian countries and such.
tracey at 11:01AM on Aug 28th 2007
68. If this girl, after listening to her, won anything in this pagent. then the judges are just as dumb as she is. God! help this nation.
gisela at 11:00AM on Aug 28th 2007
69. Um a gee: She's just a 'Vally Girl' Carolina style. The CalVal girls understand what she said,and like wow it hit a chord. So this is just East Coast vs. West Coast with zero syntax style. Just Gag me Karolina, you are making Kalifornia look so UnCool!
lynn at 9:02AM on Aug 29th 2007
70. (I don't like the…uh…the...that so and so!)
Our U.S. education will help, or should help, such able people everywhere...in South Africa, Iraq, in Asian countries, and the like. Because some out there are unable, as such, to have our U.S education, I personally believe, and believe and believe they should be over here in our...uh...our nation. To do that, we, as the U.S. Americans, should build up Iraq and South Africa. I should help. For that maps the future.
Whimster at 11:07AM on Aug 28th 2007
71. Hey, there's nothing nicer than a real good looking and real dumb girl with big ta-tas.
Anthony at 12:50AM on Sep 10th 2007
72. Personally, I like maps and I believe the education in the U.S. help our nation.
So like Americans everywhere, I believe, uh, some south Asian countries or people out in Africa and uh…such as Iraq, don't have our education over here. So that they are unable to build up for the future such as our.
And that in the south, we believe that U.S. should…should be able to help Iraq and…and should help Africa because the U.S. help there should do our will.
Donald at 11:08AM on Aug 28th 2007
73. Some people over in Iraq and South Africa and the Asian countries should help the U.S. build up our education future. I personally believe that the U.S. Americans should help Iraq and South Africa because our education in our nation, like everywhere such as uh, out there or here, don't have maps and uh, I believe they are unable to believe that I and the U.S. should help like that in to for. So we will be able as our such do the so.
Melissa at 11:09AM on Aug 28th 2007
74. This is what she was trying to say, unfortunately:
I personally believe that, Uh, as Americans build our nation, they believe the future maps don't have, like, Uh, like Iraq, South Africa and in the Asian countries and in our U.S. will be able, as such, that education everywhere should, and the U.S. to help, because our education should, so I believe, should do up there, for our people here should, some such help that the South Africa and/or the U.S. so unable to help in Iraq. We, I, are
over and out.
Janice at 11:16AM on Aug 28th 2007
75.
I personally believe that Africa, and the Asian countries, and the U.S. should help Iraq build up education for everywhere, uh – such as in our South. I like our education, and so Iraq should have as like our South. Uh, some people out in our nation don't believe that they should, and are unable to do so, and that here the U.S. maps our help in Africa or such. I believe the U.S. should help, because we Americans will be able to build up the future over there.
James at 11:19AM on Aug 28th 2007