Miss Teen South Carolina Lauren Caitlin Upton has riveted the nation since her spectacular syntactical trainwreck last week. She may have lost the crown. (She ended up the third runner-up. You should have heard the fourth runner-up's answer!) But make no mistake, there were winners:
Aimee Teegarden, the devious questioner who deliberately threw Miss South Carolina a curve ball and came off looking like a super genius in comparison.
Mario Lopez, the host who all but licked his chops after coming face to face with the evening's easiest conquest.
ABC's Merry Miller, the "What's The Buzz" host who can finally escape the media glare after her interview of Holly Hunter. (Of course I'll be tuning in when Merry Miller interviews Miss South Carolina.)
And now you can be a winner!
It seems obvious that there was some sort of malfunction, short-circuiting. Did a jealous Aimee Teegarden mess with Miss South Carolina's fuse box? In retrospect it seems miraculous that Miss South Carolina's head didn't explode. (Some theorists hold that Miss South Carolina is a foreign terrorist plant, speaking code to signal sleeper cells. Nonsense. She's clearly a product of the American education system.)
But whether it was a hardware or software issue, one thing is clear: Miss South Carolina's answer included all the important pageant words. Among them: believe ... Americans ... education ... help ... future ("South Africa" seemed oddly dated. Was she running on a faulty version of Pageant '95?)
YOUR CHALLENGE: Reorder Miss South Carolina's words into a coherent answer. You cannot use any words that don't appear in the text below and you can only use a word as many times as it appeared in her answer. (e.g., "believe" appears three times, so you cannot use it more than three times.) You may use any punctuation you'd like, since after all, Miss South Carolina didn't use any at all. You don't have to use every word, though if you do, it's a slam dunk.
Submit your new answers in the comments section. I will put the five best answers to a vote.
THE PRIZE: I will send the winner my Kung Fu t-shirt. (It's pretty new. You can see the lines from where it was folded.)
HERE IS THE TEXT OF WHAT SHE SAID:
I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because uh some people out there in our nation don't have maps and uh I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for.
Now it's your turn to make it make sense! Good luck!!!
***
UPDATE:
The entries are fantastic so far. Thanks. I'll post the finalists this evening.
Also, I just saw Miss South Carolina on the Today Show. She said watching the clip of herself was like watching someone else take over her body - implying that she was possessed. I can see it now: a remake of The Exorcist with Miss South Carolina as Regan and Mario Lopez as Father Damian!
Reader Comments ( Page 54 of 55)
796. For future, our up-build (to able be) will we so? Countries Asian, the Andiraq-- the HELP?? Should Andafrica South help? Should Orusthe help? Should Usthe inhere over education? Our should they that believe (I and as such) like EVERYWHERE?? Iraq, the Andafrica South? Inassuch, like educationour that believe, I, uh (and maps) have. Don't nationour in there out people? Some, uh, because Sodoto unable. Are Americans us that believe personally? I?
(It reads just as well backward as forward)
Jo at 10:30PM on Aug 29th 2007
797. I personally believe that they are unable to do so because some U.S. people don't like maps.
I believe that Iraq, Africa, the Asian countries, the South Americans, and such and such should help out in the U.S., so we will be able to build up our future and education our nation.
I believe that Africa should help over here in the, uh, South, or Iraq should help our U.S. as and have there education in the U.S.
And everywhere should like our, uh, as.
wortgames at 11:16PM on Aug 29th 2007
798. Being an American who lives overseas, this has sort of blended with other news, speeches, and press releases that I've been hearing from back home. Maybe that was my inspiration...
"So, should some Americans believe the U.S. able to, for our nation and our future, build up maps in Africa, Iraq, and in such...uh...countries that should so help the U.S to be everywhere and such? Do I believe that we will or should help out in education over there? Should I? I personally believe that our Iraq and our Africa, like the South, don't need to have education because as such they are unable to help the U.S. like...uh...as the South and the Asian people here."
Mr. Rik at 7:17AM on Sep 10th 2007
799. Awesome contest! Here goes...
"Like, uh, personally? I _like_ that our U.S. Americans are unable to do so. And, uh, some people out there should help the U.S--such as Africa and Iraq or over in the Asian countries. I believe that they should--should and will--help our nation. Because here in the South--and everywhere in the U.S., I believe--we don't have that education. And as such, maps for the South should be able to help our education. So, build up our future, Iraq. Believe, Africa."
ps--you're my absolute favorite on "wait, wait, don't tell me." i was so sad that i missed you on broadway. wish i could see a clip of it...
babytuckoo at 7:57AM on Aug 30th 2007
800. I uh personally believe that U.S. and or the Asian Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and uh I believe that our education should help like, such as, in South Africa and the Iraq that they should, should help the U.S. and our education over here in the U.S. South Africa and the Iraq like such as everywhere, I believe should help countries so we will be able to build up our future for.
Maddy at 1:46PM on Aug 30th 2007
801. Maps, like people, are everywhere. In South Africa they don't have education. And in countries such as Iraq, the U.S. will be able to build up the Iraq education so that South Africa and the U.S. should help the Asian future. I personally believe that we should help, because in our nation I believe the U.S. should do such as some out there believe and like. And over here, that should help. Or for our Americans. Our, uh, our… so, and, uh. I.
Ellen at 2:16PM on Aug 30th 2007
802. hi i just whant to know if you recive my e-mail Rafy
ilovemysaltonsea at 7:38PM on Aug 30th 2007
803. Blayze,
The "what's the buzz interview" was priceless...the disembodied screams at 'NBC' made me spit my coffee...
Rowan at 7:13PM on Aug 30th 2007
804. hi she said after in the good mornings America that she only heard half of the qyuestion please call me back 760 899-4113
ilovemysaltonsea at 7:41PM on Aug 30th 2007
805. These are all great, but Jazzy you made me laugh so hard I almost fell out of my chair!
Jodi at 10:48PM on Aug 30th 2007
806. she can sit on my face any time and babble, she be cute dont cha no! i can picture her pooping at all, or having the vapors! man and that hot for teacher chick vid man da 2 of them together in a crazy lez porn mmmmmm baby!!
mike odonnell at 1:39AM on Aug 31st 2007
807. I personally believe uh that U.S. education can only do so much.
barbie at 8:23AM on Aug 31st 2007
808. Americans don't like people that have education. In the South, here, we believe that maps are unable to help our nation. Asian countries should build up Iraq and South Africa for our education and our future, because out there, personally, I believe, education will be over.
bsbigboy at 9:21AM on Aug 31st 2007
809. Entry:
I personally help in the South of our nation - in maps education. I believe in people. To build our future we should believe in our people, in our nation and in our education.
Vax at 11:22AM on Aug 31st 2007
810. Language Log's 'what she should have said':
http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/archives/004865.html
Vax at 11:24AM on Aug 31st 2007