Miss Teen South Carolina Lauren Caitlin Upton has riveted the nation since her spectacular syntactical trainwreck last week. She may have lost the crown. (She ended up the third runner-up. You should have heard the fourth runner-up's answer!) But make no mistake, there were winners:
Aimee Teegarden, the devious questioner who deliberately threw Miss South Carolina a curve ball and came off looking like a super genius in comparison.
Mario Lopez, the host who all but licked his chops after coming face to face with the evening's easiest conquest.
ABC's Merry Miller, the "What's The Buzz" host who can finally escape the media glare after her interview of Holly Hunter. (Of course I'll be tuning in when Merry Miller interviews Miss South Carolina.)
And now you can be a winner!
It seems obvious that there was some sort of malfunction, short-circuiting. Did a jealous Aimee Teegarden mess with Miss South Carolina's fuse box? In retrospect it seems miraculous that Miss South Carolina's head didn't explode. (Some theorists hold that Miss South Carolina is a foreign terrorist plant, speaking code to signal sleeper cells. Nonsense. She's clearly a product of the American education system.)
But whether it was a hardware or software issue, one thing is clear: Miss South Carolina's answer included all the important pageant words. Among them: believe ... Americans ... education ... help ... future ("South Africa" seemed oddly dated. Was she running on a faulty version of Pageant '95?)
YOUR CHALLENGE: Reorder Miss South Carolina's words into a coherent answer. You cannot use any words that don't appear in the text below and you can only use a word as many times as it appeared in her answer. (e.g., "believe" appears three times, so you cannot use it more than three times.) You may use any punctuation you'd like, since after all, Miss South Carolina didn't use any at all. You don't have to use every word, though if you do, it's a slam dunk.
Submit your new answers in the comments section. I will put the five best answers to a vote.
THE PRIZE: I will send the winner my Kung Fu t-shirt. (It's pretty new. You can see the lines from where it was folded.)
HERE IS THE TEXT OF WHAT SHE SAID:
I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because uh some people out there in our nation don't have maps and uh I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for.
Now it's your turn to make it make sense! Good luck!!!
***
UPDATE:
The entries are fantastic so far. Thanks. I'll post the finalists this evening.
Also, I just saw Miss South Carolina on the Today Show. She said watching the clip of herself was like watching someone else take over her body - implying that she was possessed. I can see it now: a remake of The Exorcist with Miss South Carolina as Regan and Mario Lopez as Father Damian!
Reader Comments ( Page 6 of 55)
76. Miss South Carolina, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
garrett baldwin at 11:31AM on Aug 28th 2007
77. Condi, your fired!!!! Your replacement more clearly reprenst thie views of the republican party achievements towrd global ignorrence...
George W. Buffoon at 11:28AM on Aug 28th 2007
78. Miss South Carolina, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
garrett baldwin at 11:28AM on Aug 28th 2007
79. Nice Billy Madison Reference Garrett
Ashlee at 11:33AM on Aug 28th 2007
80. Uh....uh......I personally believe that Americans are unable to build education here in the US, and people in South Africa and Iraq will be able to help our nation in the future, as the Asian Countries have maps, education and the like.
HELP.
Edna at 12:12PM on Aug 28th 2007
81. I personally believe that our nation in the South believe Asian countries such as Africa and Iraq have so-so people…and I like education over in Africa because they will be able to build future Americans unable to believe such U.S. maps…and Iraq should help the U.S. do our education everywhere or uh should help some out there that don’t uh help here...and I like the South. We are for the U.S.
Cade at 11:48AM on Aug 28th 2007
82. THis is so sad, she probably got nervous. She's definitely in the 1/5th category. She probably memorized some sort of general all-encompassing speech and then decided to let it rip.
I feel really bad for her...she's probably gonna become a porn star. What the hell was she on?
soon2beMD at 11:52AM on Aug 28th 2007
83. In my previous submission, the South African version of what was intended to be said, I added the words "For our children" - this is as per the video on YouTube which had all the words. On a more serious note and not intended as an entry to the competition, I think this is what she was actually trying to say:
"I personally believe that Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and our education system, in much the same way as education systems in countries like South Africa, Iraq and some Asian Countries, is failing them and needs to be improved. We, the U.S., as well as South Africa, Iraq and other Asian countries should help each other to enhance our education systems and learn from each other so that we can build a better future for our children."
I guess somewhere she just like, uh, got stage-fright, froze-up and ended up botching up her words - sh_t happens.
madmountainza at 11:49AM on Aug 28th 2007
84. In my previous submission, the South African version of what was intended to be said, I added the words "For our children" - this is as per the video on YouTube which had all the words. On a more serious note and not intended as an entry to the competition, I think this is what she was actually trying to say:
"I personally believe that Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and our education system, in much the same way as education systems in countries like South Africa, Iraq and some Asian Countries, is failing them and needs to be improved. We, the U.S., as well as South Africa, Iraq and other Asian countries should help each other to enhance our education systems and learn from each other so that we can build a better future for our children."
I guess somewhere she just like, uh, got stage-fright, froze-up and ended up botching up her words - sh_t happens.
madmountainza at 11:48AM on Aug 28th 2007
85. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN............OUR NEW PRESIDENTAL ADVISER!!
BC at 11:53AM on Aug 28th 2007
86. I personally believe all maps are in South Africa and Iraq. We don’t have them in the U.S. Should Iraq and Asian countries help the U.S. in that? Or should the South? As for that, everywhere I believe our countries build up education. That should help our nation and our unable Americans. Some people out there like the U.S. and uh, and Africa. I believe they should, like, do education over here in the future because, our uh, such and such will be able to do so and so, to and to… as …
Greg at 12:40PM on Aug 28th 2007
87. I think it's perfect the way it is. I submit:
I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because uh some people out there in our nation don't have maps and uh I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for.
leeny at 11:56AM on Aug 28th 2007
88. The Americans have such education that I personally believe that we will be unable to build our future for the U.S.
South Africa, our Iraq, and our Asian countries, should help,
Because some people out there up in our nation believe I should help the U.S.
Everywhere as like South Africa and as the Iraq should help education over here in the U.S and uh, do so to our maps.
They don't believe in such, uh and so are able and or such.
And That I like.
Dick Solomon at 11:57AM on Aug 28th 2007
89. This girl has a great career waiting for her in the porno industry.
Apathy at 11:57AM on Aug 28th 2007
90. For our future, I personally believe that the education in our nation will be able to build up, like the Asian countries, because some people out there in our nation don’t have maps. Such Americans, I believe, are unable to do so, so we, like as in South Africa and Iraq, should help our education over here in the U.S. South Africa and Iraq should help the U.S. I believe that they should help everywhere.
Nikki W at 12:00PM on Aug 28th 2007