Miss Teen South Carolina Lauren Caitlin Upton has riveted the nation since her spectacular syntactical trainwreck last week. She may have lost the crown. (She ended up the third runner-up. You should have heard the fourth runner-up's answer!) But make no mistake, there were winners:
Aimee Teegarden, the devious questioner who deliberately threw Miss South Carolina a curve ball and came off looking like a super genius in comparison.
Mario Lopez, the host who all but licked his chops after coming face to face with the evening's easiest conquest.
ABC's Merry Miller, the "What's The Buzz" host who can finally escape the media glare after her interview of Holly Hunter. (Of course I'll be tuning in when Merry Miller interviews Miss South Carolina.)
And now you can be a winner!
It seems obvious that there was some sort of malfunction, short-circuiting. Did a jealous Aimee Teegarden mess with Miss South Carolina's fuse box? In retrospect it seems miraculous that Miss South Carolina's head didn't explode. (Some theorists hold that Miss South Carolina is a foreign terrorist plant, speaking code to signal sleeper cells. Nonsense. She's clearly a product of the American education system.)
But whether it was a hardware or software issue, one thing is clear: Miss South Carolina's answer included all the important pageant words. Among them: believe ... Americans ... education ... help ... future ("South Africa" seemed oddly dated. Was she running on a faulty version of Pageant '95?)
YOUR CHALLENGE: Reorder Miss South Carolina's words into a coherent answer. You cannot use any words that don't appear in the text below and you can only use a word as many times as it appeared in her answer. (e.g., "believe" appears three times, so you cannot use it more than three times.) You may use any punctuation you'd like, since after all, Miss South Carolina didn't use any at all. You don't have to use every word, though if you do, it's a slam dunk.
Submit your new answers in the comments section. I will put the five best answers to a vote.
THE PRIZE: I will send the winner my Kung Fu t-shirt. (It's pretty new. You can see the lines from where it was folded.)
HERE IS THE TEXT OF WHAT SHE SAID:
I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because uh some people out there in our nation don't have maps and uh I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for.
Now it's your turn to make it make sense! Good luck!!!
***
UPDATE:
The entries are fantastic so far. Thanks. I'll post the finalists this evening.
Also, I just saw Miss South Carolina on the Today Show. She said watching the clip of herself was like watching someone else take over her body - implying that she was possessed. I can see it now: a remake of The Exorcist with Miss South Carolina as Regan and Mario Lopez as Father Damian!
Reader Comments ( Page 7 of 55)
91. The U.S. should educate and help people over here in our nation who don't have maps. I believe that our Americans education should help the U.S.or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries.
I personally believe that U.S. Americans should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries who are unable to do so because we will be able to build for our future.
Mike Hill at 12:05PM on Aug 28th 2007
92.
I personally believe that the U.S. and countries like South Africa or Iraq should have maps because we will be able to build up Iraq. Uh, over here I don't believe that our U.S. education should help Asian people everywhere. The Americans believe that the U.S. and South Africa are our future. Our education should help our nation such as, uh, like some out there such as… they should… unable to do so… so for in… in the… in the… and… and… and… I… HELP!
garrett baldwin at 12:05PM on Aug 28th 2007
93. HERE IS THE TEXT OF WHAT SHE SAID:
I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do as well as people in South Africa or Iraq ; because most people in our nation don't have maps . I believe that our level of education , compared to that of South Africa and Iraq , such as, that I believe that they should provide our education over here in the U.S.and should help the U.S.as an emerging protector. This goes for the Asian countries as well for us to be able to build up our future and manufacture safer toys for our kids.
It is the least they can do in return for the Missionary work we have done for them.Just count the number of Chinese, Japanese restaurants we have in Appalachia
gregory at 1:25PM on Aug 28th 2007
94. I personally believe that the U.S. and countries like South Africa or Iraq should have maps because we will be able to build up Iraq. Uh, over here I don't believe that our U.S. education should help Asian people. Americans everywhere believe that the U.S. and South Africa are our future. Our education should help our nation such as, uh, like some out there such as… they should… unable to do so… so for in… in the… in the… and… and the … and I... HELP!
garrett baldwin at 12:08PM on Aug 28th 2007
95. I believe, personally, that most Americans cannot find America on a map, because, like our President, Mr... uh... that... like... you fool an American once... like he said, "You fool me once and that's really bad..."... and because of what is going on in Vietnam these days that the children of the world, unable to get educations, like those our President enjoyed in Texas, need 120 boxes of Crayolas but only color in the lines of our great Country. Thank you and God bless our great country of... of... South Carolina."
BillLaVee@aol.com at 12:22PM on Aug 28th 2007
96. We are unable to do so because I believe Asian Americans everywhere such as in South Africa and Iraq should help education in our nation. I personally don't have maps like some people in Iraq and South Africa. They should be able to build our future over here.
Mangesh Sangapu at 12:21PM on Aug 28th 2007
97. Here is my attempt. I carefully used every word and feel it actually makes some form of sense. Bruce Lee rules, I love the shirt.
Iraq and South Africa and the Asian countries are so like everywhere. I, uh, personally believe that our maps out there should help the U.S. over here or in the U.S. Education in our nation don’t help build up our future for U.S. Americans such as in Iraq and South Africa. Should I believe that our education should help? To do so, they, I and we, uh, and the like should believe because some people, such as the unable, will be able to have that.
Thanks for the fun,
Bob M.
Bob E. M. at 10:16PM on Aug 28th 2007
98. Asian Countries such as South Africa and . . . like uh . . . Iraq and everywhere in the U.S., our people out there don’t have the education that they should, such as I. So, I believe our nation, the U.S. . . . uh Americans should help . . . should help Iraq . . . and should help in South Africa and/or in the U.S.
Because, I personally believe . . . believe that . . . that our education over here are like the able maps . . . and we will be so unable to do . . . to build up our future, for some.
All words used
shibbs at 12:34PM on Aug 28th 2007
99. People everywhere in our nation are unable to help Americans. I personally believe that they should - and will - be able to help build South Africa and Iraq. Some out there believe that our education maps our future. I like the U.S.; we don't have the education like South Africa, Iraq or Asian countries do. The U.S. should help such and such here? Uh uh.
Danny Groner at 12:39PM on Aug 28th 2007
100. I personally don't like South Americans. Our nation should have maps and I believe our education over here should build up Iraq and help unable people in Africa. The U.S. will help everywhere such as in South Africa and, like, Iraq. Uh, the U.S. should be able to do so because I believe in our U.S. education and such. As for the Asian countries? They are our future so we believe that should help out some and uh that or that there the to the (Random Gargling Sound)
garrett baldwin at 12:39PM on Aug 28th 2007
101. Asian Countries such as South Africa and . . . like uh . . . Iraq and everywhere in the U.S., our people out there don’t have the education that they should, such as I. So, I believe our nation, the U.S. . . . uh Americans should help . . . should help Iraq . . . and should help in South Africa and/or in the U.S.
Because, I personally believe . . . believe that . . . that our education over here are like the able maps . . . and, for some, we will be so unable to do . . . to build up our future.
All words used. O.k. so it's jibberish, but it's sort of funny.
shibbs at 12:40PM on Aug 28th 2007
102. Like, I personally believe that, uh, the Americans maps don't have Asian countries such as South Africa and Iraq because, uh, some are out there in our nation, and I believe in that for our future education - like everywhere - should help our able people over here in the U.S.
And I believe to do that the U.S. should help South Africa or should help the Iraq. And so the U.S. - we - will be unable to build up our education as such and so should they.
USED 'EM ALL! It's grammatically correct, makes more sense than her answer, but yet doesn’t commit additionally foreign aid to any country.
Miss the Mark at 12:42PM on Aug 28th 2007
103. that doesnt mean shes stupid..some people freeze in front of large crowd, myself included
Ernest at 12:46PM on Aug 28th 2007
104. Americans believe that education should help the U.S., for they like our nation. I personally don't have maps and I believe that our education over here should so help South Africa, or should help Iraq, and the Asian countries and the like. I so believe in the U.S., Africa and Iraq — and, uh, everywhere — because we will be able to build up our future, such as in our South. People in the U.S. should do such as, uh, that. Some out there are unable to.
melissa at 12:50PM on Aug 28th 2007
105. GUESS IT'S NOT ONLY BUSH THAT MAKES US THE LAUGHING STOCK OF THE PLANET.
Daniel Mullane at 12:51PM on Aug 28th 2007