When my son was a few months old and my dear, dear friend Anastasia was at the end of her pregnancy, she turned to me one day and said, "I have a request."
"Anything," I said. After all, she had come over two or three times a week since my baby was born to help me as I finished a book. She'd done everything from returning phone calls to burping the baby to vacuuming. When she tipped over in the course of trying to rock my son, Skuli, she bonked her head rather than drop him, prompting me to wonder if it was fair to relegate administrative tasks and baby-care to a woman who was nine months pregnant.
"I want us to nurse each other's babies," Anastasia said.
"Okay," I said, immediately.
"They'll be milk-siblings," she said excitedly.
"Yeah," I said. "Wow."
What I didn't do was yell, "OMIGOD! THAT IS SO BIZARRE THAT YOU WANT TO DO THAT!" But that was my first internal reaction. Second internal reaction: how am I going to get out of this when I already said okay?
Read the rest of the story here.Jennifer winds up researching the practice and then giving it a shot. She finds it to be not so weird after all.
The New York Daily News picked up the story and many bloggers freaked out about it and said all kinds of awful things about her. (You won't do that, right?)
Now, we're hearing more and more anecdotal mentions of the practice. For example, just this week author Arthur Bradford blogged that his wife had nursed her sister's baby.
And as taboo as it is, it really makes sense that it would be emerging as a trend right now: there's so much pressure on new mothers today to exclusively breast-feed that a whole industry for out-sourcing the job has emerged.
When we were talking to our pediatrician about milk supply, he joked that some women made just enough milk, while others made enough milk to "bottle it and sell it at Whole Foods." Turns out, now some women are doing almost that. The Washington Post reports on several new milk-sharing trends, including "milk banks."
So, what do you think about wet-nursing or "cross-nursing" or purchased milk? Do you know anyone who's done it? Is a good way for babies to get breast milk even when their mothers can't provide it? Or should a baby only drink his own mother's milk?
Every Friday, we'll post about a new parenting controversy. Last week: Should you tell a stranger her child has autism? Next week: Why are so many parents choosing not to vaccinate their kids?
Reader Comments ( Page 1 of 10)
1. Well, during the slavery era in the US, slave women were employed to nurse the babies of their owners...babies that they themselves did not give birth to, that is.
My question is this....if women have been feeding their babies cow's milk since time immemorial, why should it seem so odd to feed them milk that is biologically even more compatible with their systems?
Ventrue at 10:51AM on Sep 21st 2007
2. My grandmother breast fed my cousin for my aunt when she got sick. My aunt and cousin are the same age.
Sue at 10:52AM on Sep 21st 2007
3. OOPS I meant to say in my last blog that this was my Aunt Mary's son Tom that my grandmother breast fed for Aunt Mary, and the aunt that was the same age as Tom was Rose. Sorry for the confusion in my last post.
Sue at 10:55AM on Sep 21st 2007
4. I don't really see the big deal. There used to be a PROFESSION founded entirely upon breastfeeding other people's babies, and those who did so were referred to as 'wet nurses.' I'm not quite sure as to what the impact of this would be on an infant (i.e., I would first do some research on how this effects the child healthwise), but it will undoubtedly cause a stir even though it used to be a social norm.
Seth at 10:56AM on Sep 21st 2007
5. i think it is o.k. as long as both mothers have been certified to be healthy. there are some diseases that can be passed through breast milk.
jeannine finlay at 11:01AM on Sep 21st 2007
6. All throughout history, it has been an accepted practice to do this. Wetnursing used to be a respected profession among women.
I have a feeling that this is one of those "Only in America" phobias. We've traditionally been so squeamish about our own bodies and each others' that this wierdness about not showing our nipples to an infant not biologically related to us nor allowing our child to drink "alien" milk would just make sense.
La Leche League has been around for a long time. It's time people gave them their due.
Glassyrinx at 11:08AM on Sep 21st 2007
7. Sounds like a good idea. Can anyone participate or s there a cutoff age for the child being nursed?
malebubba at 11:15AM on Sep 21st 2007
8. I don't think it's just okay, I think it's amazing and wonderful. I wish I could have been that close to a girlfriend.
Jennifer at 11:21AM on Sep 21st 2007
9. A midwife told me once that a friend of her had adopted a child and they all sat around and passed this child around to breast feed him. I thought it was the most disgusting thing I have ever heard. Breast feeding is supposed to not only give your child a healthy feeding but it is also a time when the mother and child bond together. I wouldn't want anybody bonding with my child but me.
Danisha at 11:26AM on Sep 21st 2007
10. I think it's more than okay. I think it's amazing and wonderful. I am currenly breastfeeding, and I wish I were that close with a girlfriend. It would allow for so much more freedom.
Jennifer at 12:12PM on Sep 21st 2007
11. Hey, I'm a man and I want to nurse a baby...
Anyone think it would be ok for this to occur???
Get a grip people the milk is full of the MOTHERS antigens. Has it been medically proven that it is possible/not possible for another woman to pass pass harmful or beneficial bodily fluids to another baby.
In other words, how do we know what the ramifications to the baby's health will be???
Use some common sense here.
Ravenloft at 11:54AM on Sep 21st 2007
12. When my first child was breastfeeding, I would leave work at lunch and run to the caregivers house to nurse. There was another baby there that was also breastfed, however, his mother didn't nurse at lunch. He would sit there watching me nurse my baby with such wanting eyes, I often fleetingly thought of sharing with him. Of course, I never acted on those impulses, but do not feel that it would have been harmful and may have even provided additional emotional support and nutrition to a another child.
Karen Roeder at 11:57AM on Sep 21st 2007
13. It was done in the past all over the world. I do believe that the US is one of hte countries that it is no longer done in. I guess it is a matter of custom anymore. I guess as long as all are healthy it is ok.........
Frieda at 12:27PM on Sep 21st 2007
14. Almost forgot...also ok as long as the mothers baby does not suffer and that all mothers take a turn at it, not just one doing all the work. I think that in that case the health of all would suffer. But then, what do I know.......
Frieda at 12:29PM on Sep 21st 2007
15. I'm not sure but can't AIDS and both Hepatitis B and C be spread from wet nurse to baby through breast-feeding. I would want to be sure the wet-nurse was screened for all fluid-borne illnesses.
Janet at 12:33PM on Sep 21st 2007