When my son was a few months old and my dear, dear friend Anastasia was at the end of her pregnancy, she turned to me one day and said, "I have a request."
"Anything," I said. After all, she had come over two or three times a week since my baby was born to help me as I finished a book. She'd done everything from returning phone calls to burping the baby to vacuuming. When she tipped over in the course of trying to rock my son, Skuli, she bonked her head rather than drop him, prompting me to wonder if it was fair to relegate administrative tasks and baby-care to a woman who was nine months pregnant.
"I want us to nurse each other's babies," Anastasia said.
"Okay," I said, immediately.
"They'll be milk-siblings," she said excitedly.
"Yeah," I said. "Wow."
What I didn't do was yell, "OMIGOD! THAT IS SO BIZARRE THAT YOU WANT TO DO THAT!" But that was my first internal reaction. Second internal reaction: how am I going to get out of this when I already said okay?
Read the rest of the story here.Jennifer winds up researching the practice and then giving it a shot. She finds it to be not so weird after all.
The New York Daily News picked up the story and many bloggers freaked out about it and said all kinds of awful things about her. (You won't do that, right?)
Now, we're hearing more and more anecdotal mentions of the practice. For example, just this week author Arthur Bradford blogged that his wife had nursed her sister's baby.
And as taboo as it is, it really makes sense that it would be emerging as a trend right now: there's so much pressure on new mothers today to exclusively breast-feed that a whole industry for out-sourcing the job has emerged.
When we were talking to our pediatrician about milk supply, he joked that some women made just enough milk, while others made enough milk to "bottle it and sell it at Whole Foods." Turns out, now some women are doing almost that. The Washington Post reports on several new milk-sharing trends, including "milk banks."
So, what do you think about wet-nursing or "cross-nursing" or purchased milk? Do you know anyone who's done it? Is a good way for babies to get breast milk even when their mothers can't provide it? Or should a baby only drink his own mother's milk?
Every Friday, we'll post about a new parenting controversy. Last week: Should you tell a stranger her child has autism? Next week: Why are so many parents choosing not to vaccinate their kids?
Reader Comments ( Page 3 of 10)
31. This was done frequently in the past. Two young mothers would help each other with childcare and housework.
Mary at 2:10PM on Sep 21st 2007
32. there is absolutely nothing wrong with other women sharing their breast milk this was done with the Leche Clubs all over america for pre-mature babies. It is this country that has the Purtian hang ups on something so old as Wet Nursing. Native Americans did this all the time and in bible times as well. Get over it girls and America babies need breast milk to help build their antibodies.
TonieMan56 at 10:01PM on Sep 24th 2007
33. My daughter was six months old when we moved to South Carolina. My husband was going to school with a couple who just had a baby. The first thing they asked when I met them was if I would watch their child. I was already feeling a bit overwhelmed with the move and was nursing my daughter, so I said "No." the baby ended up having horrific health problems on formula and looked like she fit the failure to thrive category.
I always felt a little guilty. But, I wrestled with whether I could care for her and knew that I would feel conflicted over formula feeding her and might be tempted to nurse her and how weird that would be.
Wasn'tquitecomfortable at 2:14PM on Sep 21st 2007
34. I HAD A BABY WHEN I WAS IN GERMANY IN 1978. I WAS ONE OF THOSE MOMS THAT MADE ENOUGH MILK TO STOCK A STORE. THEY KEPT ME IN THE HOSPITAL FOR 8 DAYS SO THAT I COULD NURSE SEVERAL BABIES THAT WERE NOT DOING WELL ON FORMULA. I CONTINUED TO RETURN TO THE HOSPITAL SEVERAL TIMES DAILY TO PUMP MILK & NURSE THE CHILDREN OF WOMEN I NEVER EVEN MET. ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS AND I BOTH HAD A BABY WITHIN WEEKS OF EACH OTHER AND BOTH NURSED. WE FOUND THAT WE COULD LEAVE OUR NEWBORNS WITHOUT WORRY. OUR BABIES NEVER TOOK A BOTTLE AND NEVER DID WITHOUT A FEEDING. I THINK THIS IS GREAT!
DELLA WILLIAMSQ at 2:21PM on Sep 21st 2007
35. I can not believe what a repressed society we happen to live in. Something as natural as a woman breast feeding her child is still cringed upon and considered such a taboo subject. Something looked upon as if the act itself is shameful and as if that part of motherhood is forbidden in the public eye. We are living in the 21st century aren't we? We really do need to take notice how other societies in our world consider such acts as being in the natural progression of our life cycle. Yet, we readily hand our children video games that depict violence with such graphic depictions. But when a woman is viewed nursing - "Oh my God, a breast!" As a society, we are the ones who should be ashamed of ourselves for our narrow mindedness.
Hank Nowicki at 2:23PM on Sep 21st 2007
36. A great many of us had parents and grandparents that were nursed my black women in the south. It was common practice during the 1800s and when the plantations were everywhere in the south. My grandmother use to talk about her Nanny that she loved dearly.
As for me I didn't want to nurse my own kids let alone someone else's.
Barb at 2:28PM on Sep 21st 2007
37. No real reason not to. It has been done since Biblical times. Way better for baby than cow's milk.
Lora Lea at 8:37PM on Sep 21st 2007
38. I personally don't see anything wrong with it. I think it can alleviate some of the stress and pressure for some moms; Particularly, the working mothers. I believe it is only responsible to make sure that everyone involved is free of any disease(s) which can be passed during this practice. Yes, it is not a social norm now, but there is much evidence that many of the practices we've gotten away from are detrimental to our health and well being. With that said, one should always use common sense, caution, etc. when allowing anybody to come into close contact with your children, but with all the health issues, cost, etc, associated with rearing children these days, anything that you can do to offset or reduce them is probably at least worth looking into.
Tina at 2:50PM on Sep 21st 2007
39. People who think this is wierd have no problem guzzling down a glass of cows' "breast" milk. Get over it!
Sarah at 2:45PM on Sep 21st 2007
40. I think it is a wonderful idea. I during my second child had enough when my daughter would not feed, I had to pump. With all the extra, I donated it to the hospital for the premies. I too had to be healthy.
tiff at 2:46PM on Sep 21st 2007
41. Maybe the lady who is on tv rite now for suing the medical board test examiners should check into this, this could be a solution for her
maura at 2:47PM on Sep 21st 2007
42. [[People already sleep with eachother's husbands, why not breastfeed eachothers children. This world is insane.]]
Hardly the same thing! When you married you took vows to be sexually exclusive with each other. I don't remember taking any vows when my baby was born that nobody else would ever be allowed to feed him! Just because something seems odd to us doesn't make it "insane", particularly when you learn it is very commonplace all over the world. But the other mom needs to be somebody very close to you, not a stranger.
OomYaaqub at 2:46PM on Sep 21st 2007
43. Knowing that breastmilk is the healthiest option for my son I have constantly breastfeed with a supplimental nursing system since we were unable to solve my milk supply issues. He is now 8 months. Sometimes we get donated milk (she offered and we did full testing) to put in the SNS feeder. Sometimes, when we are lucky enough to be around good friends who are lactating he breastfeeds with them as well...another great chance for him to get bm exclusively. Otherwise my production is supplimented with formula through the feeder. He is a lucky boy and none of this interferes with our bond.
Paige (a midwife in MA) at 2:52PM on Sep 21st 2007
44. Euuwww...... absolutely not. I don't care how good of a friend they are, I would not trust their milk for my baby. You don't know what they have ingested over the last few days. That's disgusting. Fifty percent of nursing is the bonding, the love between mother and infant, looking in each other's eyes. Imagine how confusing it would be for an infant who is just learning to bond, and learning to associate nursing and comfort, to see and SMELL someone else. Smell is a big part of nursing. There have been tests that newborns can pick out their moms by smell. Sorry, I breastfed 4 kids, and the fact that someone else was breastfeeding my child and taking those special times away makes me sick. We are not in the olden days when we needed someone else to feed our babies when moms were sick or died. This is 2007!
Judy at 2:58PM on Sep 21st 2007
45. also would say if there were a shot I could get to make me produce milk , I would volunteer for it.
I miss that period in my life.
maurae7 at 2:57PM on Sep 21st 2007