When my son was a few months old and my dear, dear friend Anastasia was at the end of her pregnancy, she turned to me one day and said, "I have a request."
"Anything," I said. After all, she had come over two or three times a week since my baby was born to help me as I finished a book. She'd done everything from returning phone calls to burping the baby to vacuuming. When she tipped over in the course of trying to rock my son, Skuli, she bonked her head rather than drop him, prompting me to wonder if it was fair to relegate administrative tasks and baby-care to a woman who was nine months pregnant.
"I want us to nurse each other's babies," Anastasia said.
"Okay," I said, immediately.
"They'll be milk-siblings," she said excitedly.
"Yeah," I said. "Wow."
What I didn't do was yell, "OMIGOD! THAT IS SO BIZARRE THAT YOU WANT TO DO THAT!" But that was my first internal reaction. Second internal reaction: how am I going to get out of this when I already said okay?
Read the rest of the story here.Jennifer winds up researching the practice and then giving it a shot. She finds it to be not so weird after all.
The New York Daily News picked up the story and many bloggers freaked out about it and said all kinds of awful things about her. (You won't do that, right?)
Now, we're hearing more and more anecdotal mentions of the practice. For example, just this week author Arthur Bradford blogged that his wife had nursed her sister's baby.
And as taboo as it is, it really makes sense that it would be emerging as a trend right now: there's so much pressure on new mothers today to exclusively breast-feed that a whole industry for out-sourcing the job has emerged.
When we were talking to our pediatrician about milk supply, he joked that some women made just enough milk, while others made enough milk to "bottle it and sell it at Whole Foods." Turns out, now some women are doing almost that. The Washington Post reports on several new milk-sharing trends, including "milk banks."
So, what do you think about wet-nursing or "cross-nursing" or purchased milk? Do you know anyone who's done it? Is a good way for babies to get breast milk even when their mothers can't provide it? Or should a baby only drink his own mother's milk?
Every Friday, we'll post about a new parenting controversy. Last week: Should you tell a stranger her child has autism? Next week: Why are so many parents choosing not to vaccinate their kids?
Reader Comments ( Page 4 of 10)
46. That is SO totally disgusting! These BREAST MILK OBSESSIVES have got to be stopped! Imagine what kind of exceptions they'll want to make for themselves now. "But I have to to have paid time off in the middle of the sales rush, I'm feeding Tonya's babies at 2, and 4 and then Barb and I are share suckling Marys twins every other four hours". These people need to get a NEW focus.
IMO the feeling you get in your vagina when you nurse is sexual. It's the same place where you feel it when you have sex with your pardner. Maybe these women are not getting it in the "right" arena and have discovered an acceptable subsitute place, their babies. Now they want to have it with OTHER people's babies. It doesn't seem right AT ALL.
It used to be the social norm to sacrifice virgins too but we finally realized the err of our ways! lol
Yes Karen, I'm sure that baby was salivating at the smell of your breast milk! She's a perfect example.
Angelpie at 3:09PM on Sep 21st 2007
47. I would not want someone else nursing my child. For one, AIDS, HIV, probably Hepatitis, and possibly more diseases or afflictions can be passed through breastmilk. Also all because the person is not currently infected when the nursing starts does not mean they wont become infected over the course of nursing.
Personally, I think that all because it can be done does not necessarily mean that it should be done. It is a source of nutrition but it is bonding between mother and child too. It is special to breastfeed your child so why would you want to give that priviledge to someone else?
Dont get me wrong, I understand that back in the day there were certain situations that may have happened where is was necessary. But just to do it to get out of feeding your own baby or just to be doing it, does not make much sense to me. Also even though breast milk is best, formula is not horrible either, it is nutritious, so that is an option as well.
TC at 3:29PM on Sep 21st 2007
48. I don't believe in shared nursing unless there is a good reason.
Several years ago I nursed a friends baby, because her mom was hospitalized for a few days with an asthma attack. I didn't mind doing it but didn't know how my friend would feel about it. "H" was three months old and my baby was six months. "H" refused a bottle and I certainly wasn't going to allow her to got hungry so I nursed her. I never told my friend directly but "H's" father knew.
Cat at 3:12PM on Sep 21st 2007
49. While it is strange in our society, if the mothers have been certified as healthy, I think it is fine. As a current breastfeeding mom, I would do it if a friend needed me to help, or a baby needed me.
Chris at 3:12PM on Sep 21st 2007
50. This seems like a very bad idea. I don't say that because I think it's disgusting, it's not. I say this because just as good nutrients can be passed to baby through mother's milk, so can harmful diseases, infections, and medications. What reassurance do you have that your friend, relative, or hired caregiver won't pass on something harmful to your baby? These are not risks you will want to take.
heather at 6:45PM on Sep 21st 2007
51. That is SICK AND TWISTED AND GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How would their babies feel about that when they were older. "Oh my mother couldn't even nourish me herslef or spend time to create that bond that ONLY a mother and baby (biological) can create.
Those women are nothing but stupid PIGS
Carla at 3:22PM on Sep 21st 2007
52. Oh yes, I breastfed both my boys until they were one. I would NEVER let someone else take away that beautiful bond. Also, how could you ENSURE that she is eating healthy and taking the pre-natal vitamins?
Those women are sick pigs.
Carla at 3:24PM on Sep 21st 2007
53. Heck fire , why not, the more the merrier.
They can have milking contest and such , and right on TV . It'll open the doors for all kinds of new reality shows.You all just watch and see . People simply have no class any more.
JChili at 3:34PM on Sep 21st 2007
54. I couldn't agree with you more Angiepie. I did not breastfeed my son, he was on formula..oh my God, yes formula and is healthy as can be. All these obsessive breastfeeding women make women who formula feed their children feel like bad mothers, but they will let someone else nurse their children??
Domenica at 3:36PM on Sep 21st 2007
55. Domenica, I would never allow another women to breastfeed my baby, but the fact that I do breastfeed doesn't make me some kind of insane radical. If me choosing to breastfeed my baby makes you feel like a bady mommy for being to self consumed to do so, I could really care less.
Paige at 3:42PM on Sep 21st 2007
56. In response to "Carla" those are pretty harsh words to call women Pigs.. lighten up girlfriend... lets cheer each other on instead of tearing each other down. After all we are women!!! We carry much power and breastfeeding is one of them!!!!
mominamistad at 3:44PM on Sep 21st 2007
57. although breastfeeding is good for all babies... I would say yes you may breastfeed other babies only for emergency... but if there milk formula I would say just give them formula than other mother's milk for safety reason...
Mira at 3:43PM on Sep 21st 2007
58. Terrible idea. You don't know what the baby could get from someone else. Go with bottles.
patti at 3:47PM on Sep 21st 2007
59. No my dear YOU do not make me feel like a bad mother, but for the most part women who breastfeed CONSTANTLY throw it in non breastfeeding women how sick our children will be..and that is so not the case. And I never directed my comment towards you or called you an "insane radical.." so relax
Dee at 3:45PM on Sep 21st 2007
60. I nursed anothers baby for about six months. The child had originally been put on formula when mom's nurse turned out to be not good for baby and he didn't adjust to formula just got smaller and smaller and sickly. My nurse was good in three months he had doubled his birth weight which was 2 pounds less when I began to feed him. I was also nursing my own son at the time and yes I had plenty of milk for both babies. And the biggest breasts I had ever possessed.
Vida Lowe at 3:54PM on Sep 21st 2007