When my son was a few months old and my dear, dear friend Anastasia was at the end of her pregnancy, she turned to me one day and said, "I have a request."
"Anything," I said. After all, she had come over two or three times a week since my baby was born to help me as I finished a book. She'd done everything from returning phone calls to burping the baby to vacuuming. When she tipped over in the course of trying to rock my son, Skuli, she bonked her head rather than drop him, prompting me to wonder if it was fair to relegate administrative tasks and baby-care to a woman who was nine months pregnant.
"I want us to nurse each other's babies," Anastasia said.
"Okay," I said, immediately.
"They'll be milk-siblings," she said excitedly.
"Yeah," I said. "Wow."
What I didn't do was yell, "OMIGOD! THAT IS SO BIZARRE THAT YOU WANT TO DO THAT!" But that was my first internal reaction. Second internal reaction: how am I going to get out of this when I already said okay?
Read the rest of the story here.Jennifer winds up researching the practice and then giving it a shot. She finds it to be not so weird after all.
The New York Daily News picked up the story and many bloggers freaked out about it and said all kinds of awful things about her. (You won't do that, right?)
Now, we're hearing more and more anecdotal mentions of the practice. For example, just this week author Arthur Bradford blogged that his wife had nursed her sister's baby.
And as taboo as it is, it really makes sense that it would be emerging as a trend right now: there's so much pressure on new mothers today to exclusively breast-feed that a whole industry for out-sourcing the job has emerged.
When we were talking to our pediatrician about milk supply, he joked that some women made just enough milk, while others made enough milk to "bottle it and sell it at Whole Foods." Turns out, now some women are doing almost that. The Washington Post reports on several new milk-sharing trends, including "milk banks."
So, what do you think about wet-nursing or "cross-nursing" or purchased milk? Do you know anyone who's done it? Is a good way for babies to get breast milk even when their mothers can't provide it? Or should a baby only drink his own mother's milk?
Every Friday, we'll post about a new parenting controversy. Last week: Should you tell a stranger her child has autism? Next week: Why are so many parents choosing not to vaccinate their kids?
Reader Comments ( Page 5 of 10)
61. Dee, I never said you called me an insane radical, but just how you feel like breastfeeding moms throw it in the face of non breastfeeding moms, the opposite is also true. I cannot even count how many times a women has been like oh....you breast fee, like I was the cause of their agony. My sister was unable to breastfee and formula fed and her baby is perfectly healthy, all a baby needs is a loving and nurturing parent, formula or breastfed doesn't matter. On the flip side I know many girls I work with who are eager to put their babies on formula so that they can drink or have lunch with the girls rather than pump milk or go back to smoking or other stupid things. Thats what I am referring to when I say self consumed.
Paige at 3:50PM on Sep 21st 2007
62. Ravenloft, when wet nursing was common, the wet nurses were selected not only for their ability to lactate, but also by signs of good health: clear skin, etc. (For example, young women who worked with cows were often selected because, even before the cause of smallpox was discovered, their immunity to the disease was well known.) Letting someone else nurse one's infant for the mere seake of it is, of course, a bit silly; but wet nursing is a good alternative for those who cannot provide sufficient milk. (Perhaps this is an issue best left to the ladies?)
normanoel at 3:52PM on Sep 21st 2007
63. My mother, who is now 72 and grew up in rural Alabama, said that it was a VERY common practice for women to nurse each others babies when she was growing up. Mind you, even then, nursing someone else's baby was just for convenience and was not a constant thing - no real concern about losing the bonding experience with your child.
DM92
dm92 at 3:54PM on Sep 21st 2007
64. This gives the old statement "Its takes a villiage to raise a child" new meaning.
As long as the nursing mother is healthy, I think its a wonderful idea!
Afterall, for decades we raised kids on cows milk (albeit, they didnt suck it from the cows tit). Mothers milk has got to be nutritionally better in comparison.
Donna at 3:57PM on Sep 21st 2007
65. Paige, honestly the reason why I did not breastfeed was because I was formula fed and I was NEVER sick. My husband and one of his sisters was breastfed and had very bad asthma as children. My sister in law's children have asthma and are allergic to just about everything. My other niece WILL NOT EAT..at all.So, I felt formula was best for my child. And I am sorry that people make you feel bad for breastfeeding. I am not one of those people. But I'm sure you feel bad when people look at you strange for breastfeeding, I got the same look. I just cannot agree with women letting other women breastfeed their children when there are so many other options, pumping for example.
Dee at 3:58PM on Sep 21st 2007
66. I was nursed from another women in Europe whithout
it I would have NOT survived, so my Mother told me.
I am NOT against this in an emergency, I don't know if on a regular basis it is necessary.
If you know the women and her background, it is between those two and NOT for the media and OUR opinion.
are you running out of topic's lately, this one is stupid.
J.B at 4:00PM on Sep 21st 2007
67. As long as someone does not go around breastfeeding someone elses infant with out there permission then who cares. They have a right to make that choice.
Cheryl at 4:12PM on Sep 21st 2007
68. That's completely and "udderly" disgusting!!! EWWWW!!!
Babs at 4:09PM on Sep 21st 2007
69. Even though I feel that breastfeeding other peoples children or a child being breastfed by someone else is NOT a good idea. Lets not turn this into a fight about formula feeding or breast feeding your OWN baby. Lets not be blind, women can be critical of one another. But that is foolish. We should be sticking together and supporting each other instead of putting each other down.
We should not speculate the reason why someone breast feeds or formula feeds. You do what you do because you are comfortable with it and either way your child is getting great nutrition.
If someone is looking at you funny or looking down on you for your decision you have made then that person seems to have the need to belittle others to try to lift themselves up. But you do not lift yourself up that way you actually bring yourself down and cause arguments instead of understanding. We can formula feed, we can breastfeed, we can do both. It is great to have options and be free to choose what you want to do and still provide your child with great nutrition.
TC at 4:10PM on Sep 21st 2007
70. I took care of a friend's baby so she and her husband could get away for a much needed weekend of togetherness. I nursed both my son and hers that weekend since they were both totally breatsfed till they were more than 6 months old. There was nothing disgusting or odd about it. I was just feeding her child the same as if I put him in the high chair and fed him baby food (which btw neither of us purchased...our sons went directly from breast milk to table food thanks to the Happy Baby Food Grinder).
The boys are now men, both over 30 years old, hale and healthy, with children of their own.
chris at 4:13PM on Sep 21st 2007
71. Breast milk banking and donor milk use in ill infants has been shown to be safe, effective and beneficial for babies. If nursing mothers have no diseases that would affect the infant, the use of a single "donor' milk woman(or multiple for that matter)probably offer significant benefit to the infant. It's also comforting for skin to skin contact rather than being fed from a bottle with a latex or plastic nipple.
The "taboo" mentioned earlier in the discussion is of our own making. Why do we think providing nutrition and comfort to an infant is wrong. As a species, we would not have done very well without assistance from others.
It's your choice, not mine, or anybody else's. My sons were all nursed by their mother but I wouldn't have objected to another mother's milk or another woman nursing my son's. My grandmother was a wet nurse during the depression, likely saving at least a few infants lives with antibodies and nutrition.
A male pediatrician.
CT, MD at 5:10PM on Oct 19th 2007
72. Its making me nervous how people are just handing their infants over to other people and assuming they are healthy enough to be nursing their child. This is a human being. You dont want to make a mistake that could hurt or even kill your child. Dont be so hasty.
TC at 4:57PM on Sep 21st 2007
73. No, sorry folks, I think it's weird. We've come a long way and this whole thing just creeps me out. I'm one of five kids, none of which were breast fed, and we have all been extremely healthy our entire lives. Not that I'm against breast feeding, but if I can't do it myself, then it's formula all the way!
Candice at 4:30PM on Sep 21st 2007
74. TC that would only happen in a perfect world. You're right we should stick together as women. But, when you take so many women who feel what they do for their children is correct there will always be criticism. Whether breastfeeding, formula feeding or even nursing another baby. You and I don't agree or find nursing another baby a great idea, but if we told that to someone who does they would take offense to it. I wish women would have the mentality "what works for you works for you, that's terrific.." but we don't. We all want to be the greatest mother.
Domenica at 4:30PM on Sep 21st 2007
75. Enslaved African-American women did this all the time..they were made too even if they did not want too.
joann at 4:38PM on Sep 21st 2007