When my son was a few months old and my dear, dear friend Anastasia was at the end of her pregnancy, she turned to me one day and said, "I have a request."
"Anything," I said. After all, she had come over two or three times a week since my baby was born to help me as I finished a book. She'd done everything from returning phone calls to burping the baby to vacuuming. When she tipped over in the course of trying to rock my son, Skuli, she bonked her head rather than drop him, prompting me to wonder if it was fair to relegate administrative tasks and baby-care to a woman who was nine months pregnant.
"I want us to nurse each other's babies," Anastasia said.
"Okay," I said, immediately.
"They'll be milk-siblings," she said excitedly.
"Yeah," I said. "Wow."
What I didn't do was yell, "OMIGOD! THAT IS SO BIZARRE THAT YOU WANT TO DO THAT!" But that was my first internal reaction. Second internal reaction: how am I going to get out of this when I already said okay?
Read the rest of the story here.Jennifer winds up researching the practice and then giving it a shot. She finds it to be not so weird after all.
The New York Daily News picked up the story and many bloggers freaked out about it and said all kinds of awful things about her. (You won't do that, right?)
Now, we're hearing more and more anecdotal mentions of the practice. For example, just this week author Arthur Bradford blogged that his wife had nursed her sister's baby.
And as taboo as it is, it really makes sense that it would be emerging as a trend right now: there's so much pressure on new mothers today to exclusively breast-feed that a whole industry for out-sourcing the job has emerged.
When we were talking to our pediatrician about milk supply, he joked that some women made just enough milk, while others made enough milk to "bottle it and sell it at Whole Foods." Turns out, now some women are doing almost that. The Washington Post reports on several new milk-sharing trends, including "milk banks."
So, what do you think about wet-nursing or "cross-nursing" or purchased milk? Do you know anyone who's done it? Is a good way for babies to get breast milk even when their mothers can't provide it? Or should a baby only drink his own mother's milk?
Every Friday, we'll post about a new parenting controversy. Last week: Should you tell a stranger her child has autism? Next week: Why are so many parents choosing not to vaccinate their kids?
Reader Comments ( Page 6 of 10)
76. Careful -- VD and other diseases can be spread this way. As with any other aspect of your child's life, you have to be absolutely certain of the who you are allowing to impact the baby's health and security.
dacstevenson at 4:44PM on Sep 21st 2007
77. In the late 60's, Women in holland actually gave their extra milk that they pumped to a central milk bank that was run by the government. It was to provide milk for those mother's that could not breast-feed.
You could also think that we don't find it strange to consume an animal's breastmilk on a daily basis but that we would find it strange to provide human breastmilk to a needy child. There's just something wrong where we are so narrow minded in that way.
gntlgrl at 4:40PM on Sep 21st 2007
78. When I adopted my youngest daughter, formula seemed to be the only option for her. By the time she was six weeks old she was literally dying from severe formula intolerance. A local Mother's Club heard about our situation and fourteen mothers donated breast milk for my daughter for a year. She is now 6 years old and is extremely healthy. I contribute that to the wonderful immune system that she obtained from all her special "mommies."
Sharon at 9:41PM on Sep 21st 2007
79. Wow, that is so true Ventrue. I had an allergy doctor tell me once that cow's milk is made for calves, PERIOD!! Kind of awful when you think of it that way, That we give babies calves' milk. No wonder they say human mom's milk is better for their brains! Surprised we didn't all grow up with the IQ of a cow! My mother fed me Evaporated milk and I always joke that it's a good think I didn't grow up with the IQ of a pumpkin pie! (no comments please)
m.a. at 4:45PM on Sep 21st 2007
80. As a biology minor,
Breast feeding another womans child is biologically a win win situation.
the child gains the benifit of two immune systems. the "wet nurse" and the natural mothers.
The natural antibodies that are passed from mother to child via breast feeding bolster the childs developing immune system during the age when children are susceptable to the panapoly of contagions.
Medically speaking children who are breastfed have a greater resistance to illness. When given a wider range of autoimmune antibodies the child is able to resist a great variation of ailments.
Rarius at 9:45AM on Sep 27th 2007
81. I think it is just fine to share milk...moms helping moms...it's really no big deal. You just want to make very sure that the other mom is someone you trust injests only healthy stuff!!! That is THE only worry in my book. You never have a real guarantee. And what would the legal ramifications be if your baby injested some drug that the mom did not admit to and the baby got sick.
m.a. at 4:45PM on Sep 21st 2007
82. This is utterly the most disgusting & unsanitary practice I ever heard of. As a Healthcare professional, I am appalled people are exposing their children to possible disease, drugs and unhealthy germs that their so-called "friends" may harbor without their knowledge!!
kim r at 7:22PM on Sep 21st 2007
83. Hey I saved a litter of AKC pups when my son didn't use all my milk. I might not nurse another baby but if I had extra milk I would share. It's better than the formula and cow milk.
Judy at 4:47PM on Sep 21st 2007
84. That is nasty. Why would i want another women feeding my newborn child her breast milk? Did she go through the labor and experience pertaining to my specific child.I don't know if that women is exactly "in good health".Breastfeeding is a bond between mother and her child.Not a women another child. That is nasty and wrong.
Savion at 4:53PM on Sep 21st 2007
85. Besides it's nothing new it's called a WETNURSE. Been goin on since the beginning of humanity. bottles are much newer in humanity's life than boobs!!! lol
m.a. at 4:54PM on Sep 21st 2007
86. When I was breast feeding my children I had so much mulk that I would have to place a mason jar under one side while my child was nursing. I then gave that milk to my midwife who had a woman whose milk was inadequate for her baby. I don't see a problem. My children all doubled their birth weights within the first few weeks after birth, and we all know breast milk is made for human babies.
My youngest child actually resisted chicken pox infection while he was still on the breast and to this day has never gotten it.
Dawn at 4:55PM on Sep 21st 2007
87. My mother and my aunt seemed to time their children so that if one was pregnant, the other was nursing. If one was busy, the other would take whichever of us was nursing at that time, and feed them. As the middle child of 5, and the cousin to 7, I grew up with communal nursing. There was no modest attempts at hiding the breast, or squemishness from my father or uncle. It was natural and it bonded those of us cousins who were nursing at the same time. My Dad has a picture of me and my cousin Bobbi both nursing with my mom. I treasure the feelings that evoked when I think of it. I didn't have a friend like that when I was a mom (x4), but would not have been averse to the idea if I knew the person well.
chartreusevan at 4:59PM on Sep 21st 2007
88. Yes, yes and yes! My grandmother was a "wet-nurse" for babies whose mother's milk dried up in the early 1900s. When my 30 year old son was born the hospital called and asked me to pump, freeze, and donate my milk for a premature baby who could only tolerate human milk and his mother was too ill to nurse him. Many other mothers participated to nourish him until his mother was on her feet. And my best friend nursed my baby once when I was sick.
Whatever could be wrong with putting a breastfed baby to another mother's breast? Breastfed babies turn automatically to try to nurse from me even though I'm a grandmother now with no milk to offer. They feel the softness of a woman's holding them and turn their little faces searching for the breast.
I think it is beautiful and natural and full of wonder.
Just my two cents worth.
Realist at 5:07PM on Sep 21st 2007
89. I provided milk for my niece when she was an infant because she did so poorly on formula. Now, I didn't nurse her, but instead expressed milk for her, but I would have nursed her, had I thought her parents would even begin to go with that.
thriceshy at 5:30PM on Sep 21st 2007
90. I was a childbirth instructor/doula 30 years ago and often nursed my students' babies when the moms had problems with sore nipples. One of the local hospitals had a mother's milk bank too, so that's not a new trend.
Angie at 5:26PM on Sep 21st 2007