When my son was a few months old and my dear, dear friend Anastasia was at the end of her pregnancy, she turned to me one day and said, "I have a request."
"Anything," I said. After all, she had come over two or three times a week since my baby was born to help me as I finished a book. She'd done everything from returning phone calls to burping the baby to vacuuming. When she tipped over in the course of trying to rock my son, Skuli, she bonked her head rather than drop him, prompting me to wonder if it was fair to relegate administrative tasks and baby-care to a woman who was nine months pregnant.
"I want us to nurse each other's babies," Anastasia said.
"Okay," I said, immediately.
"They'll be milk-siblings," she said excitedly.
"Yeah," I said. "Wow."
What I didn't do was yell, "OMIGOD! THAT IS SO BIZARRE THAT YOU WANT TO DO THAT!" But that was my first internal reaction. Second internal reaction: how am I going to get out of this when I already said okay?
Read the rest of the story here.Jennifer winds up researching the practice and then giving it a shot. She finds it to be not so weird after all.
The New York Daily News picked up the story and many bloggers freaked out about it and said all kinds of awful things about her. (You won't do that, right?)
Now, we're hearing more and more anecdotal mentions of the practice. For example, just this week author Arthur Bradford blogged that his wife had nursed her sister's baby.
And as taboo as it is, it really makes sense that it would be emerging as a trend right now: there's so much pressure on new mothers today to exclusively breast-feed that a whole industry for out-sourcing the job has emerged.
When we were talking to our pediatrician about milk supply, he joked that some women made just enough milk, while others made enough milk to "bottle it and sell it at Whole Foods." Turns out, now some women are doing almost that. The Washington Post reports on several new milk-sharing trends, including "milk banks."
So, what do you think about wet-nursing or "cross-nursing" or purchased milk? Do you know anyone who's done it? Is a good way for babies to get breast milk even when their mothers can't provide it? Or should a baby only drink his own mother's milk?
Every Friday, we'll post about a new parenting controversy. Last week: Should you tell a stranger her child has autism? Next week: Why are so many parents choosing not to vaccinate their kids?
Reader Comments ( Page 7 of 10)
91. I know of a guy in his 50s who claimed his mother passed him around the OB ward because he was a big infant - supposedly macrosomic - with a big appetite and she couldn't feed him enough.
Breast is best, but whose breast?? This day in age though, women should be careful about whom they allow to breast feed their babies. Not only diseases should be considered, but also a number of DRUGS (like antidepressants) can pass through the breast milk. Just because this was done during the 1800s, doesn't mean physical conditions today promote it.
Caitlin at 5:26PM on Sep 21st 2007
92. I think this is a great idea...Not so much the swapping, but if a mom isn't willing or can't breastfeed her child, and another mom offers to do it, or to give her pumped milk. Then that's great! That will give the child all those terriffic things in breastmilk. I think it's awesome these two women were able to and willing to do this. I would certainly be willing to bf someone elses child for them or supply them milk, if they didn't want to. It'd be a WHOLE lot better then them feeding their kid formula, which is like 4th on the list of what's best for an infant.
Great Idea at 5:27PM on Sep 21st 2007
93. My sister breast fed my son for me becauase I had my son when I was 17, 2 months before I graduated high school (im 20 now) and with the demands of school, I couldnt breast feed him. She had her daughter 8 months before I had my son, so she was still breast feeding her daughter. There is nothing wrong with it. By law, doctors and stuff tell you that you cant, but there is nothing wrong with it. As long as the other one doesnt have a disease or something.
Sandra at 6:23PM on Sep 21st 2007
94. I think that one of the purposes of breastfeeding is to encourage the bond between mother and child. From that standpoint I would not encourage this practice. I am not a psychologist or licensed practionser, but a mother. and as such, I know that that is one thing that keeps mother and child connected. Busy lifestyles disconnect mother and her children enough which as resulted in allot of societys' ills. I wouldn't risk this happening and hope this does not become a trend.
Kimberley at 5:31PM on Sep 21st 2007
95. These people need to get a NEW focus.
IMO the feeling you get in your vagina when you nurse is sexual. It's the same place where you feel it when you have sex with your pardner. Maybe these women are not getting it in the "right" arena and have discovered an acceptable subsitute place, their babies. Now they want to have it with OTHER people's babies. It doesn't seem right AT ALL.
- Angelpie at 3:09PM on Sep 21st 2007
V -LOL, I do believe that the average woman can find enough adults, male or female, willing to suckle her breasts that she wouldn't have to resort to nursing babies for a thrill.
Ventrue at 5:34PM on Sep 21st 2007
96. Breast milk is great for all babies but breast feeding is more than giving milk. An emotional attachment or bonding occurs, therefor the mother should try to get breast milk and put it in a bottle so that she can feed her own baby. That way she will ensure a bonding with her and not split this important psychological milestone.
Laraine at 5:53PM on Sep 21st 2007
97. I think your question would be more appropriately titled " Should human beings be nursed by cows?" We are the only mammal on earth that drinks another mammal's milk. Milk is the #1 allegen in America but of course the doctors are in bed with the American Dairy Association. My Grandma nursed nine of her children and then nursed the neighbor's sick baby, who, by the way, got well. We are so obsessed with breasts in America we forget that our Creator made them to feed our babies. Who cares if two women agree to nurse each other's babies? Do you care which hormone-riddden cow YOUR milk came from? Your question is assenine and is a testament to how brainwashed we Americans really are when it comes to our health.... and women's breasts!
kay at 5:59PM on Sep 21st 2007
98. i think it is a wonderful idea. mother's milk is the best. it builds up an immmune system in the baby that keeps them healthy for at least the first year of life. i have also heard of non-pregnant woman who can secrete milk through their nipples. actually a man can secrete something (although i do not think it is milk) if arroused in that area. the whole idea gives me a lot to think about. i am 63 and not a candidate but what fun instead of a atupperward party have a breast feeding party.
barbara dorsett at 6:14PM on Sep 21st 2007
99. As long as the women involved agree to the arrangement, it shouldn't be anyone elses business.
Rebecca at 6:01PM on Sep 21st 2007
100. Although I see nothing wrong with it assuming everyone is healthy, for some reason it gives me the heebee jeebies. But if you can do it, I say go ahead.
Hope at 6:12PM on Sep 21st 2007
101. I breastfed a formerly breast-fed baby (now on bottles) that was left for me to babysit. It comforted the child.
I donated about 10-12 ounces of milk each morning for many months when I was breastfeeding my own child - this milk was frozen and went to a local hospital where it was fed to preemie infants - this was back in 1974.
Even though I am in my late fifties, I would dearly love to wetnurse another infant. It would take oxytocin nasal spray, and a lot of stimulation, perhaps the use of a nursing/milk collection device, but it is well known that even post-menopausal women can lactate and successfully nurse babies.
Oh yes... I'm also a once-active La Leche League Leader from back in the 1970's. It horrifies me at the nurses who virtually force new mothers to give bottles of sugar water "so the baby won't get dehydrated" and send them home with forumula, fail to teach them about baby eating patterns, how they are baby-led, not mother-led. Then the doctor weighs in (usually by 4 weeks, telling the now depressed and demoralized frightened mother, "You can't make enough milk and you're starving your baby" -- then sending them off with formula samples, coupons, etc.
40 years later and still, such terrible ignorance.
MamaBear
MamaBear at 6:21PM on Sep 21st 2007
102. Barbara ... You mentioned something I failed to include. You are correct - men CAN lactate. It takes a while for their milk duct glands to begin secreting, but just as for post-menopausal women, they can indeed breastfeed an infant successfully.
MamaBear
MamaBear at 6:28PM on Sep 21st 2007
103. Nurse: to suckle or care for. That's all it is. Only a loving and compassionate mother could do this.
MICHELLE at 6:33PM on Sep 21st 2007
104. No because you don;t know the person well enough Unless its a blood relative I wouldn't
Sharon at 6:39PM on Sep 21st 2007
105. When my last child was still nursing I had 4 children at home,a full time job and was diagnosed with cancer. If I could turn back time I surely would have rather had my friend continue to nurse her instead of having to cut her off cold turkey.I think this is a great idea and would encourage having an alternate in case of emergency.
b_sheehan at 6:42PM on Sep 21st 2007