Adoption expert Jane Aronson has treated thousands of orphans (including the most famous orphans in the world) in her saint-like career as a pediatrician in private practice and as head of the important, donation-worthy Worldwide Orphans Foundation. We recently spoke with her by phone about the state of adoption today. The good doctor is incredibly frank. She told us what adopting countries are hot right now, why attachment parenting's 0-3 emphasis is bunk, and why celebrities have it hard. Here's what she said about celebrity adoption:A lot of people believe that celebrities have a much easier time adopting.
They do not have an easier time adopting; they have a worse time adopting. And they would all agree with me.
Why is that?
They have to do all the things that are regulated in any country. They follow the rules. It might be easier for them because they have a personal assistant to file the papers. But they still have to be fingerprinted, and they still have to meet the requirements of the home study. And they still have to appear in the country to pick up their child. And on top of it, the worst part is that then they have to be stalked by newspapers, magazines, radio and TV stations. And they are stalked by the people of the country where they go, as well. And they are expected to fork over a lot of money, to donate money, because they're looked at as Mr. and Mrs. Moneybags. So I think they have a harder time and they can't really enjoy their experience, because it's not allowed to be private. And I feel bad for them.
She also said something we found really fascinating about the popular idea you have to bond with your baby between the ages of 0-3 or else they're done for, emotionally speaking:
Attachment disorder is likely more based on brain chemistry and brain damage. And a lot of these magazines that you read aren't tapping into research done by people who are at lofty universities who really study attachment from the basis of the physiology and anatomy of the brain. And attachment likely has more to do with brain damage that occurs during the pregnancy, due to malnourishment, exposure to toxins in the environment, infections during the pregnancy, exposure to alcohol and drugs and smoking. All of that conspires to cause damage to brain structures that are involved in the actual chemistry and physiology of attachment. So when people use this sort of artificial convention of saying, you know, "You gotta get 'em by three, or else they're ruined," I think that's also not taking into consideration that attachment likely has to do with brain chemistry during pregnancy.
She says lots of smart, interesting stuff like that. You can read the whole interview here.
Reader Comments ( Page 1 of 2)
1. This lady is full of bullshit. It IS much easier for celebrities to adopt children, because they have more money to finance the children (which countries take into account) and their names can be used to help expedite the paperwork (don't you dare try to tell me that 'doesn't happen', I know better!).
Secondly, most adoptions in any country are not 'private'. You think they are? Think again, most countries have people in the dozens looking at you to make sure that you and the child are 'bonding', you have enough money to support them, etc.
IT IS NOT PRIVATE AND NEVER WILL BE!
Lastly, attachment has nothing to do with 'brain chemistry'. I have seen many children who just never 'bond' to their parents, myself being one of them (pretty sure that is because my parents are NOT my parents, according to the DNA test I had done that proved they couldn't be my parents. What I am wondering is, why are they still lying to me about it?).
Christopher Kidwell at 7:44AM on Oct 1st 2007
2. Obviously, the good doctor isn't f*!@#ng adopted, now, is she???
The tragic irony of adoption is that it screws you up so badly, you don't necessarily pursue higher education- the people who speak for us are not us, they do not have the point of view of adopted people, and they insist on fulfilling their own fantasies about adopted kids being these amazing mythical blank slates just waiting for good and deserving parents to fill in the spaces. It's absolute crap, honestly. I am adopted, I know a lot of adopted people, and every last one of them is messed up. It doesn't take a |"doctor" to figure out that if you take a baby from it's family of origin, there is going to be damage. Period. How very little compassion there is for adoptees, and how very much ignorance- it's astonishing...I have never before commented on a news story of blog- guess this one hit a nerve. The so called "doctor" should read |"The Primal Wound."
Ria Valdez at 10:12AM on Oct 1st 2007
3. I am sorry to hear that all adoptees are so miserable. We were considering adoption, but wound up having our own child. While we were considering it, I remember thinking that maybe there would be a child out there who would love us as much as we would love him (or her). I guess all I thought about was that a void could be filled on both sides. My husband's brother adopted 3 children from Korea about 20 years ago and I thought that they were pretty happy and had very good lives. But lately, from what I have read coming from THEIR website (a website for adoptees) and other internet sites, once kids get into their teens and later, all they can do is think about how horrible their lives have been as adopted kids and to paraphrase one of the bloggers above, how "every adopted kids is screwed up." So, I have come to the conclusion that adoption is NOT a good thing under any circumstances and should probably be banned, as it does more harm than good. I am not quite sure what would happen to those kids, but surely it could not be as bad as being adopted, from what I hear.
This is really a sad conclusion for me because I thought that being part of a loving home for 15 or more years would make up for the "bad" start. I can see now that I was wrong.
MJ Saddington at 11:07AM on Oct 1st 2007
4. Every adopted child is NOT screwed up! I know many who are just fine and don't even care who their biological parents might have been...they are just happy and grateful to have a loving family, instead of being passed around through the foster care system. Is it possible that those who ARE messed up might have been messed up no matter who raised them? It seems like this doctors theory that the damage is done to the child's brain during pregnancy makes sense. Wouldn't it be mostly the children of poor, drug addicted or very young girls who are given up for adoption and wouldn't there be a higher chance of those children having damge done during pregnancy?
Melinda at 4:35PM on Oct 1st 2007
5. Some kids are adopted from countries where they are not wanted. The alternative might be death, sexual slavery, or starvation.
I think it's fair to assume that an adopted child MIGHT be at risk for some more problems.
But ADOPTION is the ultimate and BEST "recycling" or "save the planet" move we can make...
My second child is adopted from the foster care system (most likely he and some of the other adoptees of my extended family were the "biological consequences" of a "rented" young female - sometimes underage- in the multi billion PORNOGRAPHY industry).
His Cub Scout leader is similarly an adoptee. She is making a difference with her life on several levels.
I am working to develop him with a "mission" to protect those weaker than him. I also (as age appropriate) will have frank discussions with him on WHY he should not "rent women" or otherwise deal with the pornographic industry as it causes damage to kids like him...and their moms.
ADOPT a foster kid...help our country too!
vikingmother at 12:21PM on Oct 1st 2007
6. This pediatrician's remarks about attachment research are at best misleading, and at worst just plain wrong. I've actually done attachment research, and although brain chemistry certainly plays a role, it is well documented that attachment is also closely related to the parent-child relationship. Not surprisingly, a significantly greater incidence of insecure attachment has been found in adoptees than in nonadoptees.
Kyle Arnold, PhD at 12:41PM on Oct 1st 2007
7. Yo Angelina, there are thousands of unwanted children, of all races, right here in the good ole US of A. Ya don't have to go to Mars to adopt,
charles almon at 12:49PM on Oct 1st 2007
8. I'm adopted, at 8 months, and have never viewed my family as anything but my family. I have gone on to higher education (B.S. Physics Penn State) and currently work for a major defense contractor.
To say all adopted children end up with problems or screwed up someway is a gross exaggeration. If any kid ends up with a serious problem, it is either an inante problem with the child or with the parents that raised the child. Adoption has little to do with.
I can say that, if you adopting a child, let them know they are adopted as soon as possible. This is not something that you should find out when you're 18.
Jamie Skibicki at 12:50PM on Oct 1st 2007
9. Responding to Ria (#2)
We can not ignore the fact that there are orphans and other children without their living biological parents. (parent(s) unable or unwilling to take care of the children)
So what are the options? Orphanage, adoption, or what?
I do know adoptees who are not "screwed up".
Are there issues? Yes. But, I know people who were raised by their biological parents who are even more "screwed up".
As one adoptee put it: "Biological parents do not have a choice. They get what they get. My adopted parents actually picked me."
ray at 12:57PM on Oct 1st 2007
10. I really hate when people say "EVERY person who was adopted are now horrible messed up. They should only be with their "REAL" family." That's such crap, and so untrue. Just because some people have issues adjusting doesn't mean ALL adopted people will. Some people have large issues who stayed with their birth parents. You can't just use that as an excuse. Yes, in an ideal world, each child would stay with his or her family. Also in an ideal world, every child were be perfect, be in a perfect family, and be wanted. But it's just not the case. It makes a huge difference in how the child views adoption depending on how their parents handle referring to their birth parents. If they pretend that the adoption never happened, it does tend to mess up the children, and cause emotional harm. But according to some of the people who commented, we are supposed to just leave the children where they are, regardless of if their parent's have died, are trying to sell their children for drugs, or don't want them. Sounds like a plan.
Katie at 1:04PM on Oct 1st 2007
11. Well, there are two sides. I have 3 adopted cousins and only 1 is normal and this goes back MANY years before the extremely high use of drugs and alcohol. Only 1 of them had any desire to meet her "real" parents, did and it was a disaster.
Rich people do get priority of adopting because ALL countries especially China require BIG BUCKS for getting rid of girl children that they don't want anyway. Due to the fact that most Russian babies were left to languish in cribs and not stimulated and now these kids have problems, the big yank to adopt from there(and get a white child) is over with as adopting parents had to start dealing with these development issues.
But even biological children can have issues, hence the autism and other behavior problems. Add that to the equation that most marriages end in divorce, a woman would have to either be insane or independently wealthy to have kids because she'll end up raising them on her own.
michelle at 4:29PM on Oct 1st 2007
12. I am adopted and have brothers and sisters who are not. Guess who is the least screwed-up? Me. I have had issues regarding my adoption, but to say that because I am adopted I'm miserable or can't funtion in life is crap. In a perfect world every kid would be wanted by both perfect birthparents, but thats not the case. Many adopted chidren have turned out fine and many children who live with their birthparents are miserable messes.
Penne at 7:35PM on Oct 1st 2007
13. Those of you who have issue with people adopting from other countries, take a look at why it is: because they make it hard to do in the US! Not only celebs adopt in other countries, every day people do. My mother was adopted and although she met her biological family and stayed close to them, my grandparents were her parents. It varies on how the adoptive family handles the adoption as well as the biological family how the child will grow up. And the base of what he said about the 3 year bonding period is true. Always has been. Children need that time with their parents int he first 3 years. I have it with my son, it wasn't important for me to have. We are one unit. If I had adopted him we would be the same way. My grandfather and I had a bond not even my parents and I had. My ADOPTED grandfather.
Leah at 11:15AM on Oct 2nd 2007
14. I mean to say it WAS important for me to have. Sorry...
Leah at 11:44AM on Oct 2nd 2007
15. I too have studied the neuroscience of attachment intensively for a book I just wrote. If she is quoted correctly, Aronson is just wrong about attachment disorder. While it is -- like all behavior -- based on brain chemistry, it doesn't just happen in the womb as a result of malnutrition, etc.
On the other hand, I think it's important to note that not ALL adoptees have emotional problems. Reactions to stress or trauma are as individual as anything else. It is definitely traumatic for a baby to be removed from its mother, but it doesn't necessarily lead to PTSD or attachment disorder.
It's better to give a kid a chance with a new adoptive family; adoptive parents should be prepared with education and information on how to successfully parent kids with RAD. It certainly can be done.
Susan Kuchinskas at 11:26AM on Oct 3rd 2007