Adoption expert Jane Aronson has treated thousands of orphans (including the most famous orphans in the world) in her saint-like career as a pediatrician in private practice and as head of the important, donation-worthy Worldwide Orphans Foundation. We recently spoke with her by phone about the state of adoption today. The good doctor is incredibly frank. She told us what adopting countries are hot right now, why attachment parenting's 0-3 emphasis is bunk, and why celebrities have it hard. Here's what she said about celebrity adoption:A lot of people believe that celebrities have a much easier time adopting.
They do not have an easier time adopting; they have a worse time adopting. And they would all agree with me.
Why is that?
They have to do all the things that are regulated in any country. They follow the rules. It might be easier for them because they have a personal assistant to file the papers. But they still have to be fingerprinted, and they still have to meet the requirements of the home study. And they still have to appear in the country to pick up their child. And on top of it, the worst part is that then they have to be stalked by newspapers, magazines, radio and TV stations. And they are stalked by the people of the country where they go, as well. And they are expected to fork over a lot of money, to donate money, because they're looked at as Mr. and Mrs. Moneybags. So I think they have a harder time and they can't really enjoy their experience, because it's not allowed to be private. And I feel bad for them.
She also said something we found really fascinating about the popular idea you have to bond with your baby between the ages of 0-3 or else they're done for, emotionally speaking:
Attachment disorder is likely more based on brain chemistry and brain damage. And a lot of these magazines that you read aren't tapping into research done by people who are at lofty universities who really study attachment from the basis of the physiology and anatomy of the brain. And attachment likely has more to do with brain damage that occurs during the pregnancy, due to malnourishment, exposure to toxins in the environment, infections during the pregnancy, exposure to alcohol and drugs and smoking. All of that conspires to cause damage to brain structures that are involved in the actual chemistry and physiology of attachment. So when people use this sort of artificial convention of saying, you know, "You gotta get 'em by three, or else they're ruined," I think that's also not taking into consideration that attachment likely has to do with brain chemistry during pregnancy.
She says lots of smart, interesting stuff like that. You can read the whole interview here.
Reader Comments ( Page 2 of 2)
16. It's always sad when people choose the comfort of their own irrational and fear based ignorance, rather than to face uncomfortable truths. I did not claim, as so many have accused me of stating, that ALL adoptees are screwed up and disfunctional. I said that the many adoptees I know personally are- and because these are authentic people who embrace emotional honesty as a way of life, we have been able to have very frank discussions about the merits and drawbacks of adoption. Adoption is a bit like being in an accident- depending on many, many factors, the outcome will be quick and relatively painless for some, a lifetime of suffering for others. The point I was trying to make is the following- even under the best of circumstances, adoption, specifically the seperation of the child from his/her birthmother causes psychological wounds. We can continue to hotly deny this- or recognize this inevitability as an aspect of adoption that we as a society, and as families and communities MUST TAKE MORE RESPONSIBILITY FOR IN REGARD TO EDUCATING OURSELVES AND OUR CHILDREN. Studies have been done with primates, involving the primate baby being taken from the mother and raised by another primate. Although each baby primate was given everything it needed to grow; appropriate nutrition, stimulation, shelter, and so on- every single baby primate died within a year and a half. The diagnosis? Failure to thrive. When people continue to rabidly refuse to address that adoption comes with with it's own unique burdens and responsibilities, we cause additional and very unnecessary damage. If you are curious about adoption and the emotional lives of adoptees, please read Nancy Verrier's excellent and compassionate book, "The Primal Wound." Ms. Verrier is a psychologist who has an adopted daughter-
I myself will never see my original birth documents- even though I have found both my birthparents, I am still- at the ripe old age of 37- considered an "adopted child" by the state. It is nothing less than second class citizenship- and to deny people basic information about their very identity is wrong and harmful. I understand that adoption has changed a great deal since I was adopted- but what hasn't changed and MUST- is society's denial of the trauma suffered by the child so very early in life. Go ahead and get me started on nature versus nurture...:)
Ria Valdez at 2:12PM on Oct 4th 2007