We just ran an article on Babble.com called "And Baby Makes Four." It's by a woman, Miriam Axel-Lute, who has two partners, one a man and one a woman. Together, the three of them are raising a little girl. From her vantage point, her family and the other "triad" families she knows seem to be working at least as well as the monogamous heterosexual couples (better, if you consider the advantage of three potential incomes and three sets of hands). She writes:
"Why do some kids have three parents?"
A group of our friends were spending a weekend at a cabin in the mountains, and our hosts' not-quite-three-year-old was starting to do the math. Over the squalls of nap-resisting toddlers, her mom responded without missing a beat: "Because they're lucky."
We loved reading about how three parents raise a child together as equal partners:
There's no question in my family about who is a parent. All three of us went to every prenatal appointment. My wife cut the cord at the birth and is on the birth certificate as the witness. We took the same last name so as to share a family name with our children. We paid way too much money to a lawyer to draw up a co-parenting agreement so that our intentions are crystal clear, even though the state of New York would consider it an unenforceable contract.
My daughter just learned to pronounce "Mommy" and "Mama" differently, and every morning the first thing she does when she wakes up is take inventory: "Daddy!" "Mama!" "Mommy!" If someone's left the house already it requires repeated explanations. There's certainly no question in her mind who her parents are.
Read the story here, then weigh in in feedback. How do you feel about Miriam's family? Fascinated? Appalled? Jealous? Could polyamory be one solution to the nation's childcare crisis?
Reader Comments ( Page 1 of 6)
1. While I can certainly see the advantage of having an additional "parent" in the house (as a member of a traditional, 2-parent home), and not to condemn or judge these folks as individuals, but as a Christian, their lifestyle is a sin, no matter how loving and caring these folks may be. I'm sure they're nice folks and great parents to their child, but that doesn't make it right. (And I know some gay folks, and I think they're good people overall, but I think their choice in partners is not helping their eternal salvation!)
Smurph2406 at 3:50PM on Nov 16th 2007
2. putting all religion aside, my question would be: what am I promoting? an alternative lifestyle so that these parents can get their freak on and play mommies and daddy? I think too many people want to push their selfishness without realizing the effect it has on children.
cayuga2572 at 4:07PM on Nov 16th 2007
3. If it works for them, more power to them. There's no such thing as too much love.
Tatiana at 4:11PM on Nov 16th 2007
4. children just need loving parents, no matter how many
Daisy Shaver at 5:04PM on Nov 16th 2007
5. "what am I promoting? an alternative lifestyle so that these parents can get their freak on and play mommies and daddy?"
Mommies and daddies already get their freak on, or they wouldn't be mommies and daddies.
Apparently these people are committed to each other and to the child, so I don't see how it being an "alternative lifestyle" is a big deal.
Tatiana at 4:11PM on Nov 16th 2007
6. While I have nothing against what these folks are doing, sooner or later one is going to get jealous of one of the partners. Jealousy is a normal human emotion - I think we were meant to partner with one person, be that person the same sex or opposite. This is not the same as having an ex-husband or ex-wife involved becauuse they usually live elsewhere.
Furthermore, this sets the gay marriage debate back. Gay couples have been saying they want monogamy like straight folks (and most do). This flies in the face of that.
The holy roller crowd (like the arrogant witch in post #1) will use it against them to say "see, they want to marry three and four people."
David S. at 4:20PM on Nov 16th 2007
7. This has been going on for centuries. Just usually Aunts and Uncles or Grandparents fill in the extra parental roles. In some cultures the Children are actually raised by the Aunts and Uncles.
E at 4:22PM on Nov 16th 2007
8. Okay, though I don't agree with comment number one, I do think that having multiple partners is wrong. Not because of "salvation." Yes, I am Catholic, but I am not condescening when it comes to gays and bisexuals. If that's what they want to be, then I don't care, as long as they're happy. One thing, though, people with multiple partners...that's not a good idea, because like one of the comments says, jealousy WILL kick in eventually, whether it be the man or the woman the mother is partnered with.
Shannon at 5:23PM on Nov 16th 2007
9. do the parents all sleep together in the same bed, if so where do i sign up to find me to women like that, is this a government program hilliary is promoting
pat griffin at 6:15PM on Nov 16th 2007
10. After thousands of years of experimentation, humans more or less came to the common sense conclusion that one man + one woman = the best way for the most people.
Unfortunately however, this general notion, like so many others, was codified into religion and thereafter became set in stone as the ONLY way. Kinda sad because it eliminates continued experimentation.
art at 7:00PM on Nov 16th 2007
11. Kinda like having a live in maid....I would prefer that option because I am not bi. Nothing against it, I just prefer the "outties" to the "innies"
romanceparty4u at 9:46PM on Nov 16th 2007
12. Here are some pragmatic issues. The kid is going to have more gift shopping to do, Christmas, birthdays, and Mother's Days.
And what happens if Mommy and Mama can't agree where to go for brunch?
Then, what happens at the wedding? One mother is going to go down the aisle ahead of the other. Which one?
Finally, there comes the issue of learning to drive. My mother and my father drive very differently, so I got conflicting views during the learner's permit phase. What will this poor kid do with 3 different viewpoints?
Kent at 12:56AM on Nov 17th 2007
13. I wish this was just about a lesbian couple and a good male friend! =(
Aine at 2:35AM on Nov 17th 2007
14. Jealousy? That's your big argument? Big deal. As if straight women don't get jealous when their man boinks a co-worker.
Straight people are dumb. They think the world revolves around them, their moral code and their take on the world.
Ian at 5:15AM on Nov 17th 2007
15. I saw the 60's sexual revolution do the same as this polygamous "write a nice article" situation.
And I and my peers were DAMAGED - not to mention our kids. (Peruse stats for children for the 70's just a few years after the 1960's sexual revoltion was MARKETED thru the media...)
These poor people are probably the next gen born to possibly 60's generation people---or maybe these three were influenced by profs out of that silly, stupid era of LITTLE THOUGHT and LOTS OF STUPID JUSTIFICATIONS FOR DOING "YOUR OWN THING"
Ships without anchor....how BLITHELY we assume that we can rearrange the family here...And then you (like I and some of the other damaged Baby Boomers) can watch your grown kids descend further into the abyss...
Disperse the postmodern FOG at 7:46AM on Nov 17th 2007