We just ran an article on Babble.com called "And Baby Makes Four." It's by a woman, Miriam Axel-Lute, who has two partners, one a man and one a woman. Together, the three of them are raising a little girl. From her vantage point, her family and the other "triad" families she knows seem to be working at least as well as the monogamous heterosexual couples (better, if you consider the advantage of three potential incomes and three sets of hands). She writes:
"Why do some kids have three parents?"
A group of our friends were spending a weekend at a cabin in the mountains, and our hosts' not-quite-three-year-old was starting to do the math. Over the squalls of nap-resisting toddlers, her mom responded without missing a beat: "Because they're lucky."
We loved reading about how three parents raise a child together as equal partners:
There's no question in my family about who is a parent. All three of us went to every prenatal appointment. My wife cut the cord at the birth and is on the birth certificate as the witness. We took the same last name so as to share a family name with our children. We paid way too much money to a lawyer to draw up a co-parenting agreement so that our intentions are crystal clear, even though the state of New York would consider it an unenforceable contract.
My daughter just learned to pronounce "Mommy" and "Mama" differently, and every morning the first thing she does when she wakes up is take inventory: "Daddy!" "Mama!" "Mommy!" If someone's left the house already it requires repeated explanations. There's certainly no question in her mind who her parents are.
Read the story here, then weigh in in feedback. How do you feel about Miriam's family? Fascinated? Appalled? Jealous? Could polyamory be one solution to the nation's childcare crisis?
Reader Comments ( Page 3 of 6)
31. I have a great idea...Why don't we put on our pointy white hoods and burn these three at the stake for being the witches that they are!!!
In my opinion, there is only ONE true sin...IGNORANCE.
willib79 at 6:48PM on Nov 17th 2007
32. It is a matter of individual preferences. It is normal ut at the same time it is not something that is ordinarily there. Again a matter of taste preference and ability to balance the other persons
feelings with a third personality and continue happily ever after
dsrao
dsrao at 8:04AM on Nov 19th 2007
33. Please, we did this in the 60's and it was a DISASTER! That's why you don't hear about it anymore. New? Alternative? No, just another rerun.
It really doesn't work in the long run and yes, it's the ULTIMATE selfishness, has NOTHING to do with the child at all and like they said, in a breakup NOTHING they planned will EVER come to pass since it's not legal. One of the "partners" will lose BIG and have NO RIGHTS to the child at all. Think about that. Better for the child? Says who?
Angelpie at 8:31PM on Nov 17th 2007
34. It is a repeat of the 60's parents. I have met many young people who groaned: "ugh my parents were hippies and it was a disaster for me growing up".
But see that is the funny thing....the children seem to know when their parents are wrong sexually! So a straighter generation is born again.
I was a kid when all the teens/twentie somthings were hippies. We were scared to death of all that sexual freedom. Growing up a teen in the seventies...we were all sooo monogomous!! Yes we lived together, but almost always married that person forever.
realwoman at 9:21PM on Nov 17th 2007
35. I know that some alternate relationships are certainly immoral. For example, some fundamentalist Mormons that practice polygamy go so far as to force young girls to marry them; it basically amounts to rape, if the sources I've seen are correct.
I think it's fallacious to claim that examples like that make every alternate relationship immoral, though. There are examples of these ideas working in other cultures that commenters have mentioned. And this doesn't seem any more prone to problems than one man + one woman does.
Raigon at 10:43PM on Nov 17th 2007
36. Ever notice that some people always bring religion into everything? It always ruins things.
Listen, gay/bisexual people are required to be stronger than others; they need to be able to choose their sanity and happiness over religion and misery.
Given those choices, which would you choose?
And, if you want to deny others their happiness, how can you think you are entitled to yours?
wingdhorses at 11:43PM on Nov 17th 2007
37. Wow, you know I come from a very strict christian upbringing. It never served me any other purpose than to educate me on religion. Whoopee.
Outside of that they were VERY horrible parent's much like MANY other people within ANY one religion.
You see, anyone can be a good or bad parent. Religion doesn't change a persons ability...
I honestly wish I could have had even a single parent who wasn't abusive, and loved me at all.
My own mother reject's her children... Even gives them away.
This triad's children are so lucky to even have one that does. Even if they divorce. Thats the bottom line. They will be loved.
Family should be love, any love. Children all across america are given away, and aborted EVERYDAY!!! And you want to condemn some people willing to bring happiness to a child's life? Shame on you! Shame!
Samara at 10:49PM on Nov 17th 2007
38. Is anyone else wondering why it is that only certain situations get so much attention? I don't see many news stories about 2 heterosexual people creating a loving home for their soon-to-be child. (Although, in this day and age, even that could spark controversy.) Why do we as a culture with our actions enable the media to put things on a pedestal to be discussed and properly disseminated by the masses, when with our words (a good portion of the comments here) we say lifestyle choices shouldn't be anyone else's business. The American media gets paid to push agendas, and we let them. It is ridiculous.
Wondering... at 11:38PM on Nov 17th 2007
39. to comment no.1: Even according to your high morals, if these parents are not of your religion then they are not living in sin but instead living in love.
Nancy at 11:45PM on Nov 17th 2007
40. Also, we should all be careful not to put our beliefs onto someone else. Maybe there will be jealousy issues, maybe there won't be. In fact, they may or may not have problems just like any other family heads may or may not have problems, and may or may not be able to work through them if there are problems. If we are not in their shoes we will not know what lessons will be in their future. We can only know our own.
Nancy at 4:52PM on Nov 18th 2007
41. What a sex life! That lucky bastard.
Twitchy at 11:24AM on Nov 20th 2007
42. It's their life and if they are happy and their children are happy then where is the problem?? Religious people need to stop pretending like love in any color or gender is wrong. I admire these people ( the triad ) for being so open minded about love and raising children.
jessie at 1:31AM on Nov 18th 2007
43. AOL just carried a lengthy article on overwhelming research that has shown the vast increase in child abuse (physical and/or sexual), often leading to death, that occurs more than 70% more often in households where adults live who are not biologically related to the children.
One 2 year old was thrown across the room into a wall and died. One 18 month old was suffocated with a hammerlock. One 6 year old's corpse was found under a pile of manure.
And the writer of this gushy blog just "loves" to hear about this new twisted style of "family."
Dear Blogette, Are you demon-possessed, a blind ostrich, or just stupid?
Mary K. N. at 2:47AM on Nov 18th 2007
44. Jessie, #42. You call it a Triad, I call it a Harem. Albeit a small one LOL
Heidi at 7:37AM on Nov 18th 2007
45. I tried this, very briefly, with a couple who just had a baby. It was very uncomfortable and there were so many ways to have miscommunication and splitting. Too many alliances to break up the whole. Too many conflicts when it came to interfacing with the monogamous world at large....and that's just from the adults' point of view! Widening the marriage bed is an absurdly complicated way to add helping hands and affection in a child's life...it's irresponsible of this blogger to couch the motivation for polygamy/polyamory in such terms.
cara at 8:08AM on Nov 18th 2007