What a difference a night makes. Last night Marie faced off against Melanie Brown (aka Scary Spice) and indy car champ Helio Castroneves.
First the highlight of Marie's performance: Her impersonation of a live blow up doll to the Rolling Stones' "Start Me Up" during the freestyle competition was more than a jolt. It was a cultural moment. The image of Marie as a giant sex toy was a stunning repudiation of so many assumptions we've made about this woman for over 40 years. She's not the simpleminded good girl sitting at home crafting dolls for little old ladies and their granddaughters. She's a woman - and she's perfectly happy being manhandled by her younger partner, Jonathan. Post-feminism is back, courtesy of Marie.
As for her faith, she made it clear with this dance: She respects her religion, but her religion doesn't own her.
But while Marie's freestyle performance bordered on high art - expect to see the video of this performance playing on a loop in modern art galleries everywhere - it doesn't negate the fact that her opening Samba blew chunks. What's more, we saw the megalomaniac side of Marie when she bullied the judges for their less than sterling reviews. Haughtily proclaiming herself "one of the top doll designers in the world" did little for her much vaunted likability.
Even after her sex-drenched freestyle, she reminded viewers that she's a doll designer (WE KNOW!). The unflappable Tom Bergeron had had enough and tartly replied, "I think we all know that," before shooing her away.
Meanwhile Scary Mel fared only a little better - no thanks to her Spice Girl sisters in the front row. Her opening cha-cha was fine. But her freestyle performance was one long call girl infomercial. When the judges diplomatically pointed out that she was off the charts on the slutty scale, the Spice Girls in the audience turned into menacing soccer hooligans. Baby, Ginger and Sporty started booing and cursing. (Posh, aka Victoria Beckham, was too weak to boo, though she did manage to sit up - kind of.) Judge Carrie Ann Inaba seemed afraid that one of them might drag her onto the "pitch" and start kicking her in the stomach. Not an unreasonable fear.
Which brings us to Helio Castroneves. His opening jive (?) was exhilarating, even if the footwork was faulty. When the judges pointed this out, he accepted their criticism graciously. Then came his freestyle, a grand prix satire of race car driver bravado. The lifts were so great that judge Bruno Tonioli momentarily dropped the Roberto Benigni act (my neighbor tells me that Tonioli is actually from Jacksonville, Florida).
Helio has never performed professionally. Yet he's the best dancer - and, yes, the most likable. And probably the best role model for young competitors. He's got my vote! (Close observers also noticed that Leeza Gibbons smiled and applauded after Helio's performance. Until that moment she'd maintained strict neutrality - like a Supreme Court justice at a State of the Union address.)
***
Some Marie Osmond supporters have brought it to my attention that Helio is Brazilian and, as such, has an unfair advantage when it comes to dancing. Dancing is a major part of Brazilian life. (Brazil is also known for its sugar-based ethanol fuel.)
In fact dancing in the annual Carnival parade is compulsory for all Brazilians above the age of six. Indeed I'm hard pressed to name a clumsy Brazilian. They may not exist. (If you're acquainted with any clumsy Brazilians, please let us know in the comments section!)
Reader Comments ( Page 1 of 28)
1. Mo's last sentence sums it up perfectly..GO HELIO!!!!
Di at 12:22PM on Nov 27th 2007
2. Helio should win - not only because he's the best dancer, but because he's the only one who's not in show biz like Scary(for real, man!)& Marie Osmond - if Helio doesn't win, "dancing" will lose me & my husband as viewers & will convince us the thing is rigged!
Teri at 12:51PM on Nov 27th 2007
3. I think Mel is the best dancerand my vote goes to her and Max
wanda matherly at 12:53PM on Nov 27th 2007
4. Aw Mo,
I'm a doll designer too!
Well, it is more of a pre-occupation.
Oops, gotta go, the MAIL MAN
is here.
Kimball/Rocca '08
John Giza at 1:01PM on Nov 27th 2007
5. I think Helio should definitely win. The other two are used to performing in this type of environment. Mel and Marie are/were in the music business, which includes dance movement and rythym. They should be better, but they're not. Helio is in a field farthest from the dancing arena, and he has coming out purring. He's pretty humble, and seems like an all-around nice guy. Let's give Helio the trophy!
Sherry at 1:21PM on Nov 27th 2007
6. That performance is probably why I do not watch DWTS.
Game Theory for Applied Economics Nerd at 1:29PM on Nov 27th 2007
7. Mo,
Forgive me, but I can't help but adore the
"What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?" reference.
"I've written a letter to D-o-n-n-i-e!"
this is such a fun blog!
ah,clem at 1:33PM on Nov 27th 2007
8. I'm a huge fan of DWTS but last night's grand finale was a major dissapointment. Marie's performances completely sucked. What was Jonathan thinking?! Helio was energetic and adorable as always. Mel B and Max raised the bar so high on previous performances that they couldn't out-do themselves, therefore their performances were mediocre at best.Although Helio doesn't always have 100% of the footwork down-pat, he's got 100% of the charm, enegry, attitude, & best performances with his awesome partner Julianne Hough. My hope for tonight's winner is Helio & Julianne.
Harley at 1:36PM on Nov 27th 2007
9. Marie should had been let go a few weeks ago. She had been in the final 2 a week before she fainted. Bewtween that dads death, and her self promotion on her muti $$$$ million dool sells on her doll sales this sucks big time!!!!!!!
REGINA MARTIN at 1:42PM on Nov 27th 2007
10. Bruno Tonioli
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
Bruno Tonioli (born November 25, 1955 (1955-11-25) (age 52)) is an Italian-born British dancer and professional choreographer. He was born and raised in Ferrara in North-East Italy.[1] He is best known as a judge on both the British television series Strictly Come Dancing and its American adaptation, Dancing with the Stars. He is well known for a cry of "TEN!!!!!!!!" followed by a punch of his left arm up and out when he gives a couple an aforementioned 10/10 for their dance.
As a toddler Bruno would dance in front of the radio to entertain people. In the late seventies and early eighties he was a leading dance teacher at London's acclaimed Dance Centre, with a huge following. He also choreographed and centre staged in Elton John's "I'm Still Standing" video. In 1980, he participated in A Song for Europe, the UK heat of the Eurovision Song Contest choreographing Duke & the Aces. The song, "Love is Alive", finished seventh.
He is fluent in English, Spanish, French, German, and Italian.[2]
Bruno will judge the new BBC talent show DanceX. He will also judge the ABC show Dance War: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann, premiering in January 2008. He is openly gay and has been with his partner Paul for over twenty years.[1]
georgi at 2:10PM on Nov 27th 2007
11. I'm beginning to think that Marie and Rosie are twins seperated at birth. Just shut up and dance, or try to!
Trixie at 2:14PM on Nov 27th 2007
12. It is just my opinion. As good as an entertainer that Marie Osmond is, she should have left the show a couple of weeks ago. She is clearly out-classed by both dancing couples. If Marie wins, it will be because her fan base put her there, and not for her dancing capabilities or merits. The problem here is the fact that shows like 'Dancing With The Stars' will become more like popularity shows rather than contests. I really think we should be voting the couples for their dancing abilities and their skills, rather than who they are.
Keith Fontaine at 2:16PM on Nov 27th 2007
13. I watch DWTS to be entertained. It was less than entertaining to watch Marie and Mel B. last night. Now Helio, that's entertainment, pure and simple!!
Margaret at 2:18PM on Nov 27th 2007
14. Helio and spice girl have been the best throughout. Marie has only survived with theatrics, Donny, and the whole Mormon cult voting for her. Here is wishing the audience follows the judges and gets it right
Brian at 2:16PM on Nov 27th 2007
15. I can not sit through another marie dance..should have been gone alllllllllllllllong time ago..she is horrible..GO Helio...you have earned it....
altmansev at 2:15PM on Nov 27th 2007