What a difference a night makes. Last night Marie faced off against Melanie Brown (aka Scary Spice) and indy car champ Helio Castroneves.
First the highlight of Marie's performance: Her impersonation of a live blow up doll to the Rolling Stones' "Start Me Up" during the freestyle competition was more than a jolt. It was a cultural moment. The image of Marie as a giant sex toy was a stunning repudiation of so many assumptions we've made about this woman for over 40 years. She's not the simpleminded good girl sitting at home crafting dolls for little old ladies and their granddaughters. She's a woman - and she's perfectly happy being manhandled by her younger partner, Jonathan. Post-feminism is back, courtesy of Marie.
As for her faith, she made it clear with this dance: She respects her religion, but her religion doesn't own her.
But while Marie's freestyle performance bordered on high art - expect to see the video of this performance playing on a loop in modern art galleries everywhere - it doesn't negate the fact that her opening Samba blew chunks. What's more, we saw the megalomaniac side of Marie when she bullied the judges for their less than sterling reviews. Haughtily proclaiming herself "one of the top doll designers in the world" did little for her much vaunted likability.
Even after her sex-drenched freestyle, she reminded viewers that she's a doll designer (WE KNOW!). The unflappable Tom Bergeron had had enough and tartly replied, "I think we all know that," before shooing her away.
Meanwhile Scary Mel fared only a little better - no thanks to her Spice Girl sisters in the front row. Her opening cha-cha was fine. But her freestyle performance was one long call girl infomercial. When the judges diplomatically pointed out that she was off the charts on the slutty scale, the Spice Girls in the audience turned into menacing soccer hooligans. Baby, Ginger and Sporty started booing and cursing. (Posh, aka Victoria Beckham, was too weak to boo, though she did manage to sit up - kind of.) Judge Carrie Ann Inaba seemed afraid that one of them might drag her onto the "pitch" and start kicking her in the stomach. Not an unreasonable fear.
Which brings us to Helio Castroneves. His opening jive (?) was exhilarating, even if the footwork was faulty. When the judges pointed this out, he accepted their criticism graciously. Then came his freestyle, a grand prix satire of race car driver bravado. The lifts were so great that judge Bruno Tonioli momentarily dropped the Roberto Benigni act (my neighbor tells me that Tonioli is actually from Jacksonville, Florida).
Helio has never performed professionally. Yet he's the best dancer - and, yes, the most likable. And probably the best role model for young competitors. He's got my vote! (Close observers also noticed that Leeza Gibbons smiled and applauded after Helio's performance. Until that moment she'd maintained strict neutrality - like a Supreme Court justice at a State of the Union address.)
***
Some Marie Osmond supporters have brought it to my attention that Helio is Brazilian and, as such, has an unfair advantage when it comes to dancing. Dancing is a major part of Brazilian life. (Brazil is also known for its sugar-based ethanol fuel.)
In fact dancing in the annual Carnival parade is compulsory for all Brazilians above the age of six. Indeed I'm hard pressed to name a clumsy Brazilian. They may not exist. (If you're acquainted with any clumsy Brazilians, please let us know in the comments section!)
Reader Comments ( Page 2 of 28)
16. ABM - anyone but Marie!! Seesh - it was embarassing. Marie's loud mouth retorts to the judges were uncalled for and out of character for Marie's previous performances. Marie is the worst dancer ever in the final three and it is high time she knows it. Kick her off voters!!
Either Mel or Helio will be great champs this year!!! //
Tom at 2:15PM on Nov 27th 2007
17. Regarding Marie: Mormons are people, just like the rest of the population. We'd like to be perfect, but we're not and we'll be the first ones to admit it!
Betty Jump at 2:16PM on Nov 27th 2007
18. Osmond should go back to caring for her kids and paying attention to the one in rehab and peddling her dolls.... She is not a ballroom dancer and should have been off the show several weeks ago, her first performance last night was disgusting!!!!!!!!
wright at 2:19PM on Nov 27th 2007
19. Marie is too large a woman to be thrown around like that gracefully.
Barbara at 4:57PM on Nov 27th 2007
20. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YALL BUT,BE MARIE AGE I DON'T THINK I WOULDN'T BE DOING ANY LIFTING.IM HER AGE.I WOULD OF DONE PASS OUT THE FIRST DANCE.SHE CAN DANCE I LOVE HER SMILE.SHE ALWAYS SMILILNG.I HAVE ALWAY BEEN A BIGG FAN OR HER'S.I STILL VOTE 4 HER NO MATTER IF SHE DON'T MAKE IT.SHE HAS MY VOTE NO MATTER WHAY!!!
dulcemaria at 2:21PM on Nov 27th 2007
21. You should be ashamed of yourself for trashing such a good person as Marie Osmond.How dare you try to embarass her with your nasty e-mail writings.She is a wonderful mother and a very talented performerYou must not have very good self esteem to be able to do lthis to someone else.You apparently are not a Christian! People who have kind hearts and love one another as God wants us to would not say things like you have about another human being as nice as Marie Osmond.I feel sorry for you and will add you to my prayer list.
Dora at 2:22PM on Nov 27th 2007
22. I remembering watching the insider which Dony Osmond is a co-host and in the beginning of DWTS i remebering him saying that the cheetah girl being a profrssional dancer which she wasn't. not in all those dances and he was saying that wasn't right. poor marie hasn't a chance and guess what?She was voted off the next week.The one that should of and could of won the final round,
sandy bogert at 2:24PM on Nov 27th 2007
23. Mo, you are hilarious, Marie was doing a Raggedy Ann from Dance of the Toy Soldiers, not a blow up doll! You young people slay me!
Janice Worland at 2:25PM on Nov 27th 2007
24. Marie Osmod should be commended for TRYING to compete and a great job well done, BUUUUUT she should have been voted off a long, long, long time ago. Give it up, the other two couples are outrageous!!!! You are not as good a dancer as they are...Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
AlbaNDiaz at 2:25PM on Nov 27th 2007
25. I used to like Marie Osmond before Dancing with the Stars. Now after seeing her on Dancing With the Stars, she is clearly not authentic and does not deserve to win. It is a dance competition right?
Mel B is great, but Helio is awesome! I so want Helio to win!
Kim at 2:27PM on Nov 27th 2007
26. True to form Marie's performances were not all on the dance floor, and just self promotional. She is a spoiled brat back in the 70 and 80s when I saw her live she was even worse. Who has heard of a divorced Morman TWICE. Shame on you for useing your fame this way. Your partner has to be Job.
Jodi Yap at 2:28PM on Nov 27th 2007
27. Uhh, Keith. That is the whole point of DWTS. If you have a fan base, they are going to vote you in. How else do you get votes?
Leah at 2:27PM on Nov 27th 2007
28. Hey y'all,
I'm still fuming over the elimination of the Cheetah Girl. She was the best when she was booted; Mel B is the best now.
Joe Boland at 2:28PM on Nov 27th 2007
29. Regarding Marie, I think she is probably a wonderful woman and has certainly faced adversity this year...but come on, the doll dance was like watching a Donnie and Marie re-run...that wasn't a dance, it was a variety show performance.
Anne at 2:29PM on Nov 27th 2007
30. It amazes me to think that anyone would think that Mel B. is an entertainer. LOL! Now that's a HOOT!
Gina at 2:28PM on Nov 27th 2007