What a difference a night makes. Last night Marie faced off against Melanie Brown (aka Scary Spice) and indy car champ Helio Castroneves.
First the highlight of Marie's performance: Her impersonation of a live blow up doll to the Rolling Stones' "Start Me Up" during the freestyle competition was more than a jolt. It was a cultural moment. The image of Marie as a giant sex toy was a stunning repudiation of so many assumptions we've made about this woman for over 40 years. She's not the simpleminded good girl sitting at home crafting dolls for little old ladies and their granddaughters. She's a woman - and she's perfectly happy being manhandled by her younger partner, Jonathan. Post-feminism is back, courtesy of Marie.
As for her faith, she made it clear with this dance: She respects her religion, but her religion doesn't own her.
But while Marie's freestyle performance bordered on high art - expect to see the video of this performance playing on a loop in modern art galleries everywhere - it doesn't negate the fact that her opening Samba blew chunks. What's more, we saw the megalomaniac side of Marie when she bullied the judges for their less than sterling reviews. Haughtily proclaiming herself "one of the top doll designers in the world" did little for her much vaunted likability.
Even after her sex-drenched freestyle, she reminded viewers that she's a doll designer (WE KNOW!). The unflappable Tom Bergeron had had enough and tartly replied, "I think we all know that," before shooing her away.
Meanwhile Scary Mel fared only a little better - no thanks to her Spice Girl sisters in the front row. Her opening cha-cha was fine. But her freestyle performance was one long call girl infomercial. When the judges diplomatically pointed out that she was off the charts on the slutty scale, the Spice Girls in the audience turned into menacing soccer hooligans. Baby, Ginger and Sporty started booing and cursing. (Posh, aka Victoria Beckham, was too weak to boo, though she did manage to sit up - kind of.) Judge Carrie Ann Inaba seemed afraid that one of them might drag her onto the "pitch" and start kicking her in the stomach. Not an unreasonable fear.
Which brings us to Helio Castroneves. His opening jive (?) was exhilarating, even if the footwork was faulty. When the judges pointed this out, he accepted their criticism graciously. Then came his freestyle, a grand prix satire of race car driver bravado. The lifts were so great that judge Bruno Tonioli momentarily dropped the Roberto Benigni act (my neighbor tells me that Tonioli is actually from Jacksonville, Florida).
Helio has never performed professionally. Yet he's the best dancer - and, yes, the most likable. And probably the best role model for young competitors. He's got my vote! (Close observers also noticed that Leeza Gibbons smiled and applauded after Helio's performance. Until that moment she'd maintained strict neutrality - like a Supreme Court justice at a State of the Union address.)
***
Some Marie Osmond supporters have brought it to my attention that Helio is Brazilian and, as such, has an unfair advantage when it comes to dancing. Dancing is a major part of Brazilian life. (Brazil is also known for its sugar-based ethanol fuel.)
In fact dancing in the annual Carnival parade is compulsory for all Brazilians above the age of six. Indeed I'm hard pressed to name a clumsy Brazilian. They may not exist. (If you're acquainted with any clumsy Brazilians, please let us know in the comments section!)
Reader Comments ( Page 3 of 28)
31. The judges have their favorites and thats it. I'm sorry but Bruno giving mel a 10 was retarded!! Maries was better than mels and neither of them deserved a 10! I mean really, criticizing Mel and Max the way they did and getting a 29?! Thats just crazy!!
robbierob at 2:30PM on Nov 27th 2007
32. Marie, will you marry me??? I love you !!!!!
Ronnie at 2:29PM on Nov 27th 2007
33. I don't know why so many people think Helio is the best dancer.....The men don't do 1/2 of the moves that the women do. Mel is the best dancer far and away. Helio is good, but Mel is really the best in my book.
Ceil G at 2:42PM on Nov 27th 2007
34. That doll dance of Marie's was just a freak show. I think this season was rigged in her favor - why else would Entertainment Tonight & Inside Edition have him as a special correspondent if Marie wasn't going to make it to the finals. The whole thing smacks of self-promotion. There were clearly better dancers that left the show weeks ago. Bottom line, her "performance" was difficult to watch at best. I can't wait to see what Saturday Night Live does with this one!
grlinthsouth at 2:35PM on Nov 27th 2007
35. Mel and Max is my prediction! Why....not because they are better than Helilo SHOULD win (if only for that fox and excellent dancer he has had the pleasure to be with for what? 10 weeks), and here is the BUT.......Mel and Max were first.... voting started before the others even danced...... If people waited to vote til the last 5 show minutes (remember voting is cut off 1/2 hour after the show end)of the show.... as I did.... ABC.com would not even LOAD..... phone lines were tied up... SO....I hope I am wrong.... but MEL and MAX............ win by default and clever placement and Judge promotion.
Jim at 2:40PM on Nov 27th 2007
36. Marie was dreadful last night. She should have been eliminated (based on skill and/or talent, or lack thereof) weeks ago. Sabrina should still be in the contest. Alas, my vote goes to Helio as the most accomplished and the most entertaining.....
Maureen at 2:35PM on Nov 27th 2007
37. I certainly hope that Helio wins. In my opinion he has what it takes to be a real dancer - real talent, dedication and PERSONALITY and he did turn out to be a real dancer besides being a gentleman. Marie and Mel's perfomance last night just left me cold.
Rosemary at 2:36PM on Nov 27th 2007
38. What?? A BLOW UP DOLL?!?!? Did you not see the key inher back? It was stupid and it was lame. I liked Marie, but that performance was dumb. I kept waiting for her to "become human". I agree with the judges "it did not work" it was a leap of faith and it flopped. The winner should be either Helio OR Marie because Mel DOES have experience. It may not be ballroom, but she DOES have professional dancing and choreographers that help her during her tours. It should go to someone who does NOT have ANY experience. It should go to Helio. He has improved the most and he had NO experience.
Kitty at 2:38PM on Nov 27th 2007
39. Give me a break....tell me the difference between a 'sex doll' and a 'call girl'. They both (Mel and Marie) do what they have to to get votes. Helio attempted to do the flips himself - not let his partner flip him. It's different when the 'star' is the male. His partner can't flip him round like a 'doll'.
KJ at 2:39PM on Nov 27th 2007
40. Helio is not only the best dancer; he is CLASS. I somehow think that Marie's church is not too pleased with her..first divorce and her last couple performances plus her comments to the judges. She was NOT gracious as Helio was upon hearing criticism.
Lynnie at 2:39PM on Nov 27th 2007
41. DONNIE AND MARIE:
GO HOME, QUIT THE HYPE AND SIGN YOUR CONTRACT FOR A NEW TV SHOW, TOO MUCH DONNIE AND WAY TOO LONG
WITH MARIE'S POOR ATTEMPT AT SHOWMANSHIP. MARIE,
YOU INSULT OUR INTELLIGENCE AND YOU PANDER YOUR FATHER'S DEATHN FOR A DANCE CARD, SHAME ON YOU AND YOUR FAIRY BROTHER TOO BAD DONNIE BAD MARIE
FAKE FAINT AND BAD ROLL MODELS ARE ALL YOU REPRESENT
ROGER GOSSAGE at 2:42PM on Nov 27th 2007
42. By the way, I also thought it very odd that Marie's Raggedy Ann dance was thought to be a sex toy..... Never seen Raggedy Ann???? Helio is likeable and smiles a alot, but does not have the impressive moves that Mel does. His partner does more work than he does.... not that he is bad, but Mel deserves to win.
Ceil G at 2:43PM on Nov 27th 2007
43. I love the show but its obvious thats Maries fan base is huge, she is the worst dancer from day one.hopefully the winner will be someone who has talent my favorite is Helio and his partner,although Mel and her partner are enjoyable my vote is forHelio
Joan at 2:40PM on Nov 27th 2007
44. i thought it was supposed to be who was the best dancer at the end of the season. true i don't think any of them really pullled out all the stops, but lets face it, marie should have been gone long before this. i thought it was a dance competition not about who you like the best like in high school. i like the racecar driver, but mel b is the better dancer. sabrina was really the one, but its not the better dancer its high school, and who do you like the best. i don't people should be allowed to vote until the end.
mittie at 2:41PM on Nov 27th 2007
45. While I think Helio should win, I can't help but wonder if he had some dancing experience in Brazil. I've been watching DWTS and you can see who the people that have had no experience keep getting better and better every week, of course, there are others that have no rhythm at all and you can give them one year of dancing lessons, but because they have two left feet and no rhythm they don't get better.
As for Mel B. I don't care for her arrogance...and if she wants to compete she should go to her own country and compete there! She has SO MUCH Dance experience what the heck is she doing in DWTS?
Marie is a wonderful example of having such a lovely personality. I enjoy seeing her because she has gotten better, though you couldn't see it last night on her second dance, which is a shame, Johnathan should have tried to convince her not to do the "Skit" they did, it wasn't a dance!
But, whoever wins, hopefully it is between Helio or Marie I will be 100 percent happy. Good Luck to both of you, your great personality shines!!
Mel B. go home! You piss me off everytime I see you, the only thing that I see when I see you is Arrogrance. See ya, don't wanna be ya!
Gloria at 2:44PM on Nov 27th 2007