There's not much to say about tonight's bloated DWTS Finale.
Marie Osmond was rip-corded at the start - punishment for her jaw-dropping blow up doll dance from the night before. (Several readers insist she was impersonating Raggedy Ann. Fine, she was a blow up Raggedy Ann.) That performance will live on in graduate Women Studies seminars for years to come.
I did like Marie's video obit, though it couldn't touch the quality of American Idol's video obits. ("I'm Coming Home" chokes me up every time.) Marie talked about how the competition was something she could count on during these past two and a half months. And she mercifully did not plug her doll collection!
It's a good thing that Marie was eliminated before a full backlash took hold. Public opinion was turning swiftly against her earlier today - and Marie knew it. Hence her increasingly neurotic behavior on camera: Her laugh had begun sounding more like a bray. She'd begun sneering at the judges - acidly calling them "stepsisters." One couldn't help but notice a tendency to hectically babble nonsense to her fans. "Spray tan! Dolls! I'm old! Vote for Meeeee!" Marie was clearly losing her grip and needed to be terminated.
Marie's woes are hardly over: There's a growing cult of people who believe her faint was an act. These are the same people who think that Miss Puerto Rico's dress wasn't actually coated with pepper spray, and that 9/11 was an inside job. Marie will need to face her accusers and disprove the charges.
Celine Dion did not appear live, though ABC did a lousy job of suggesting she was actually there. Her performances were pre-taped. (Rene doesn't stay up past 7pm.) Her performance of the Titanic theme was underwhelming but her new song is catchy and she sounded great on it.
The parade of also-rans were notable mainly for its extensive Injuries List. Wayne Newton, who sounds strangely like John McCain, wouldn't disclose his mysterious ailment. And the boxer (it's too late for me to actually check his name) couldn't wait to hobble out of there.
The biggest oops: No mention of Jane Seymour's mother passing. With so much of an emphasis placed on contestants' hardships, this was a major gaffe. Instead we repeatedly saw the Zapruder film of Jenny Garth falling during her quick step.
The most moving moment: The video sequences of friends and family of Mel and Helio. Geri Halliwell described Mel as "super sensitive." One couldn't help but notice that none of Mel's relatives offered testimonials. (Helio's lovely sister Kati told a funny story about sequins.) Maksim was particularly poignant in describing why he liked partnering Mel.
I got the feeling that Mel is a special person and maybe someone who's faced a lot of challenges. I began feeling quite protective of her. One thing she should not do: get romantically involved with Maksim. As individuals, I'm sure they're great. As a couple, I'm convinced that both would end up dead. I can't explain it. It's just a hunch.
Best moment: Cheetah Girl Sabrina Bryan's cha cha was outrageously good. (Just wondering: Is Hillary Clinton the Democratic Party's Cheetah Girl - seen as an inevitable victor, before suddenly failing? I ask because Hillary is now facing a stiff challenge in Iowa from Obama. If so, that would make Obama his party's Helio? Both have big ears.)
The biggest revelation of the evening: the magnetism of Drew Lachey. Samantha Harris is a beautiful girl ... who has no place co-hosting this show. She doesn't listen. (This is surprising, since she's from Minnesota. And Minnesotans are known for being good listeners.)
The impish Lachey, on the other hand, is pure fun. His antics are a wonderful contrast with the droll suavity of Tom Bergeron. They're reality television's Martin and Lewis.
Mo Rocca has appeared on a bunch of shows, including 'The Daily Show,' 'I Love the 80s,'...
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Dancing with the Stars: Stick a Fork in it
Posted Nov 28th 2007 12:31AM by Mo Rocca
Filed under: Osmonds, Mo Rocca, Dancing with the Stars, Helio Castroneves
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Mo Rocca appears on a bunch of shows, including CBS News Sunday Morning (with the indescribably wonderful Charles Osgood), The Tonight Show on NBC, and NPR's Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! He's a sometime judge on Iron Chef and was featured on Telemundo's Amore Descarado. Last year he starred on Broadway in the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. His expose "All the President's Pets" was published by Crown in 2004.
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Reader Comments ( Page 2 of 3)
16. JG - nice work on the Abba re-write. I could hear it perfectly in my head (unfortunately).
As much as I dislike gender stereo-typing, and as much as I preferred Drew over Samantha, the show just didn't seem quite right with to men in the hosting positions. Who would be the female version of Bergeron?
And Bergeron is great, btw. I had my doubts seeing him mainly on AFV, but then I watched him on the Tom Green Show (web-o-vision) and now I quite like the guy.
mo-NEEK-a at 11:05AM on Nov 28th 2007
17. Bobbles,
I could never be upset with Mo.
But make hay and bust his tap shoes I must.
Blayzie, thank god. We almost put you on "Missing."
JQ, sucking up to the boss I see. Well, don't go overboard. Mo tires easily.
Kimball/Rocca '08
John Giza at 11:12AM on Nov 28th 2007
18. "Stick a fork in me" - Brilliant JG!
OFF-TOPIC:
Who are these pretentious, middle-initial-infusing, so-called doctors that come on here posting their conceited rubbish?
Dr. Kenneth J. Hildebrandt
Dr. Mark D. Zimmerman
You guys should open a practice together...
You can make everyone wait an hour in the lobby to see you, then tell them their insurance is no good, insult them, and then bill them for your time anyway.
You can call yourselves "Blog 'em and Flog 'em"
P.S. - I'm glad to hear that Mo took my advice and is cleaning his blender after each use. It was gross to leave the caked-on banana gunk for Krakovia to clean.
FINN at 12:11PM on Nov 28th 2007
19. Oh no Mo! I guess fame and winning a DWTS season can't buy it all. Looks like Helio & his lady are splitsville!! :'(
http://www.tmz.com/2007/11/28/last-dance-for-helio-and-fiancee/
Jacqueline at 12:41PM on Nov 28th 2007
20. J.G.
"STICK A FORK IN ME"
mmm mmm mmm good!
ah,clem at 12:50PM on Nov 28th 2007
21. Finn,
You do realize that, for three easy payments of $29.99 on your credit card, you too can become a
"Doctor."
And then you could use it to jump onto blogs and make a wisecrack or two with "credible" impunity.
Then, there are the rest of us.
Kimball/Rocca '08
John Giza at 1:24PM on Nov 28th 2007
22. what in God's holy name are you people blathering about? I thought it was pretty clear that Helio had this... Who cares about Marie? She has been pretty transparent and about as fake as they come this whole show, I don't see why anyone is surprised she turned out to be a flop?!?!
danny at 1:38PM on Nov 28th 2007
23. Marie Osmond looked like someone off the old "Hee Haw" show. What was up with that? Did someone not advise her she looked awful?
Also, she is a bit long in the tooth to be trying flips and fancy dance moves. At least Jerry Springer (yes, I know he is older) kept his moves to tango/ballroom stuff and acted his age.
David S. at 2:26PM on Nov 28th 2007
24. FINN,
I'm rubbing the lamp.
Where are you? It is Wednesday?
Oh, no. You and JQ?
Kimball/Rocca '08
"Waiting for Tonight's Debate!"
John Giza at 4:03PM on Nov 28th 2007
25. My dearest Mo,
I have never watched DWTS but if you were on I would.
Dr. Andrea at 4:22PM on Nov 28th 2007
26. Off Topic (yet strangely on)
I actually own Donnie's tuxedo shirt that he wore at his wedding. (not the temple one-those garments are all white) but the one "everyone can go to"
It is a beautiful (?) frilly front sharp BIG collar PURPLE monstrosity. The tuxedos were even worse (and also purple--remember he was the original purple one)
I'll let you borrow it the next time you are on CBS-see what Morley says...
Andrea at 4:22PM on Nov 28th 2007
27. Well,
Give danny his credit.
"blather" is an interesting word.
Check OED:
[ME. blather, a. ON. blara to talk stupidly, f. blar nonsense. Blather is the etymological form, blether being Sc. and north. Eng. (like gether = gather etc.). But in mod.Eng., the word is generally accepted as Scotch (from Burns, Scott, Carlyle, etc.) and in the Scotch form. In U.S. blather appears to be more frequent.]
1. intr. To talk nonsense loquaciously.
1524 A. SCOTT Vision xix, And limpand Vulcan blethers. [1526 SKELTON Magnyf. 1049, I blunder, I bluster, I blowe and I blother.] 1787 BURNS Holy Fair viii, Some are busy blethrin Right loud that day. 1867 E. WAUGH Owd Bl. iv. 89 in Lanc. Gloss., He blether't abeawt religion. 1884 Punch 1 Mar. 102 Fluent folly may maunder and blether.
b. trans. To babble.
1810 TANNAHILL Poems (1846) 145 She blethered it round.
2. intr. To cry loudly, to blubber. dial.
1863 MRS. TOOGOOD Yorksh. Dial. s.v., What's thou blethering at? child. 1855 Whitby Gloss., Blether, to blubber, to weep aloud.
Anyway,
Andrea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
***************************************************
Kimball/Rocca '08
John Giza at 4:29PM on Nov 28th 2007
28. "It's just a hunch.", huh?
Yeah, they would be "dead" alright. "Dead" from exhaustion, after truly expressing all that passion they generate!
Could you be any more full of it?!
I still adore ya, though.
giftedgirl at 4:32PM on Nov 28th 2007
29. I wish they'd stick a fork in every 'reality' show and prime time game show. What a wasteland...
fabio at 5:04PM on Nov 28th 2007
30. Why is there a cabal of doctors hellbent on terrorizing Mo Rocca 180? We will not be deterred!!
JG - Your "Stick A Fork In Me" is lyrical brilliance. Lorenz Hart is rising from the dead - but this time he's not suffering from depression. Bravo!
Giftedgirl - Mel and Maksim have a smoldering passion. But I keep seeing visions of Kalifornia (Juliette Lewis and Woody Harrelson). Sometimes too much passion is dangerous.
Mo Rocca at 5:21PM on Nov 28th 2007