We jut ran a charming article on Babble by Katie Allison Granju about how, as the mother of teenagers, she's getting the chance to raise another child, having just given birth to a new baby. She calls it a "parenting do-over."Not surprisingly, I find my three older offspring to be the most special and appealing children I've ever met, and others who know them agree; these are great kids. But if I am honest, I have to admit there are some things I wish I had done differently in my earliest years of raising them. That's because, like most mothers I know, I question my own parenting choices regularly. Unlike many other mothers, however, I will now get the chance to try things another way with this brand new baby.
Specifically, she says, she intends to stay married to this baby's father and to be stricter about grades and housework.Our favorite part of the essay is her description of trying to give birth while being pestered on her cell phone by her sixteen-year-old's requests that he be allowed to go to a party.
You can read the story here, and weigh in in comments: for those of you with grown kids, what would you do differently if you got a second chance?
Reader Comments ( Page 1 of 2)
1. What is this lady whining about? Sheesh...talk about self-indulgent. She didn't lock her kids and closets and beat them. She sounds like a good mom who happened to get divorced (her and 50% of the rest of the population). Sounds like they turned out fine.
While I am glad she hopes to make this current marrigae work, I hope she doesn't do what most parents do today - particularly those who have their children older - go over the top and turn this kid into a spoiled brat.
David S. at 11:04AM on Jan 11th 2008
2. My mother has said that if she had the opportunity to do over her raising of me, she would never have spanked me. And she only spanked me about 5 times.
Kent at 12:24PM on Jan 11th 2008
3. If I were to re-raise my kids, I think I'd have saved all the money I sacrificed trying to help them get ahead in this difficult and expensive world. I compare my hindsight to the oxygen mask lecture we hear when flying. If I had thought more of my own future, I wouldn't be in such dire financial straits & they might appreciate what they have and are able to achieve on their own. Oh well, live and learn.
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Bob at 4:09PM on Jan 11th 2008
6. Even though we were bad spouses we were good parents. My do-over would have to be I would never have gotten divorced. It hurts children in ways they NEVER get over. People who say things like "my kids will be happier because I am happier" are full of crap and looking to make themselves feel less guilty. Unless there is out and out abuse going on, stay and figure it out folks.
Paula Dell at 9:52PM on Jan 11th 2008
7. divorce?? if i could do over, i would have divorced my ex SOONER so that i could be a better parent to my children. i was amazed at how much he affected my disposition. when he was gone i was calmer, and much more able to focus my attention on them.
janice at 8:20AM on Jan 12th 2008
8. Obviously, this has to be based on each individual's experience. My wife and I have had some tough times, but have stayed together - so far - for the children. Before you say that is cliche', I watched both of my sisters-in-law divorce their husbands and the effect it had on each of their children. Unless there is abuse, or criminal behavior, or unfaithfulness, it's likely not worth a divorce.
I also was 17 and getting ready to go to college when my mother and step-father divorced. I nearly allowed it to destroy me. My mother realized standing in the kitchen of her small apartment during a commercial of "The Honeymooner's" a year or so later, that the apartment, which was all she could afford on her salary and child support, looked a lot like Ralph Kramden's. She asked me if she'd made a mistake, and I told her that I didn't think so, the girls seemed happier (and we all did), even if we didn't have much now. That doesn't stop me to this day, of driving passed "my old house". But it meant that we no longer had to live with the father that the girls still refer to as "The Sperm Donor".
Jon at 3:34PM on Jan 12th 2008
9. You know I thought what would I do if I could have a do over? Even though I raised my children on my own they turned out to be adults that Im proud to say are mine. I had to work to take care of us no child support to help. My children knew I did what I needed to do to take care of us and I guess they just respected me for that and gave me a good return on my money!
Paula Bowman at 10:53PM on Jan 12th 2008
10. I think she has hit the nail on the head. As parents, especially young ones, and ones who had poor examples for parents, we swore we would not do what they did, but unfortunately often did as it was the only parent we had to learn from. Having older children and then having another one a few years later, I believe the parent can redo some of the mistakes she made from the older kids. It doesn't mean she doesn't love the older children any less, just that she is honest enough to admit she made mistakes and has learned from them.
ofrdrsq at 4:10PM on Jan 13th 2008
11. I agree with the author's points on not posing strong academic requirements on her children, however I disagree that this is a parenting do over its being a parent all over again. A parenting do over would be considered having a chance magically to re-raise those that have become grown adults. I like the article.
kayisha at 6:00PM on Jan 13th 2008
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jackie at 6:42PM on Jan 13th 2008
13. I would have recognized the evil that is sugar.
Captain Negative at 6:54PM on Jan 13th 2008
14. I would not have remarried while my children were so young.
Ada DeZerga at 6:56PM on Jan 13th 2008
15. I agree with Janice...I would've divorced sooner. I am a different person now that I'm away from him but my children are adults and he is very controlling.
I would've taken my children to church and not spoiled them with material things. I would have had them spend more time with my side of the family and taken more family type vacations. Since I had 2 daughters, I would've had them share a bedroom so they could've developed a closer bond. I really feel like I blew it and would anything to do it over again.
I'm living with regrets but also moving forward.
Susan
Susan at 7:12PM on Jan 13th 2008