"This ... is the Democratic Debate!" When Wolf Blitzer introduced last night's Kodak Center debate with the same intonation that Ryan Seacrest uses to introduce American Idol and Hillary and Barack came bounding onto stage, I positively squealed: "They're just like Kelly and Justin!" It really took me back to Idol's first season finale. (For an instant I wished that Hillary would be declared the winner of the debate and Wolf would hand her a mic for a choked up rendition of "A Moment Like This.")

The prospect of a Clinton-Obama or Obama-Clinton ticket was a hot topic, really the only hot topic, last night. But judging from last night's excruciatingly nicey-nice performance, they're a deadly pairing. Individually Clinton and Obama - like Kelly and Justin before them - are compelling figures. She's a tough lady. He's a fiery orator. But when they're not clashing, their edges disappear. They end up sucking the life out of each other.

If you need further convincing, consider the debacle that was From Justin to Kelly. The legendarily bad post-season film pairing of Guarini and Clarkson should serve as a deep dark omen for the Democrats. From Barack to Hillary would sink the Democratic Party for good, even if it would make for the best convention film ever. Each of these candidates has risen above being the "black candidate" or the "female candidate." But together? It's a ticket crying out to be mocked as a liberal wet dream. Cloyingly self-congratulatory. Likely to dominate precincts in Berkeley, Cambridge, New Haven, and ... nowhere else.


(above) A scene from last night's debate

The whole debate, of course, was a snooze. The most controversial moment: the cutaway to Isaiah Washington in the audience, trying his best to look thoughtful.

At the start Wolf tried to lend the proceedings gravitas by reminding us all that this was the first time that a woman and African-American had gone head to head in a debate. History was being made - and brought to you by CNN! (Seemed pretty arbitrary to me. Wasn't history made at Wednesday's Republican debate? Wasn't that the first time a Mormon, a Vietnam vet, a wacky Libertarian and a guy who'd lost 110 pounds debated in a foursome?) When Senator Obama mentioned our "planet in peril", I was sure that CNN would cut to a shot of Anderson Cooper and Jeff Corwin in tight black tees rescuing a kinkajou. Miraculously the network resisted plugging itself.

The star quotient in the audience was middling. LA's lothario mayor, Antonio Villaraihorndog, sat tantalizingly close to Lauren Holly. (If they ever revive ABC's "Hot or Not," he should definitely replace Lorenzo Lamas.) Stevie Wonder did add major wattage. Wonder, of course, is a former AI mentor. (Next time CNN should include videos of stars coaching the candidates.)

The most interesting face in the crowd was Pierce Brosnan, who only became a citizen in 2004. Kudos to Brosnan! It's obvious he became a citizen for reasons greater than convenience. (Just for sitting through that debate, he deserves to vote twice.) There may have been more stars there, milling in the lobby like they do at the Oscars. Some of the people in the audience were clearly seat fillers.

One thing I'd hoped to see: The debate equivalent of the Oscar dead people montage. That's always been my favorite part of the Oscar telecast. A mournful video montage of all the candidates who'd dropped out would have added a lot. John Edwards would be last, with the biggest round of applause. (Mike Gravel has not dropped out. But he could have been acknowledged with a lifetime achievement award.) Of course Idol has its own video obits. They would have worked, too. A video of Bill Richardson's best moments, set to Daughtry's I'm Coming Home?

The most interesting takeaway: Obama is left-handed. Four of our last six presidents have been southpaws: Gerald Ford, Ronald Reagan, George H.W. Bush, and Bill Clinton. (The country has turned increasingly left-handed. Before Ford, only James Garfield and Harry Truman were lefties, though Truman could throw a baseball with either arm.) This would seem to bode well for Obama.

Okay, I've got to go. My neighbors are getting baked and unless I get out of here, I'll get a contact high. For now, I leave you with a scene from the Clinton-Obama convention video: