 David Archuleta |
 Brooke White |
On Wednesday night's American Idol results show, something extraordinary happened: The first of the Top Ten finalists announced was tiger beat boy David Archuleta. The second was the group's "Mommy" Brooke White.
So for at least a few minutes 100% of the confirmed finalists were Mormons. Think about that.
This day was a day that was never supposed to come. Indeed for the first few seasons of Idol the idea of an openly Mormon Top Ten finalist was simply unfathomable. (Statistics on Mormon Idol contestants are famously unreliable.) Clearly times have changed. Is this a belated validation of the strides made by the Mitt Romney candidacy? Perhaps. Although the Republican ex-Governor's campaign failed, he forced Americans to come to terms with their anti-LDS prejudices and emboldened Mormon voters (and singers?) to flex their muscle (and vocal cords?).
Whatever the ramifications of this explosion of out and proud LDS singers, the question must be asked: Are Mormons simply better at singing than other Christian denominations? The answer seems to be yes.
With 5.5 million church members in the U.S., they represent less than 2% of the population. And yet they're 20% of the Idol Top Ten. (Factor in the international scope of this year's competition - itself a controversy - and the LDS representation is even more impressive.) No other Christian denomination comes close.
The Osmonds, of course, are the best example of what critics call the "Mormon Melody Mafia." Out of nine children born to George and Olive Osmond, seven (a whopping 77%) are gifted singers. The other two, Virl and Tom, are deaf. Yet even they appreciate music, having appeared on The Donnie and Marie Christmas Special in 1978.
So why are Mormons such good singers?
- They don't smoke. (I love Bonnie Tyler as much as anyone, but raspy-voiced singers spend their careers swimming upstream.)
- They don't drink alcohol or caffeine.
- They have large families that sing together at home and in tabernacle choirs. On a trip to Salt Lake City in 1999 I had the great pleasure of sitting through a rehearsal of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. The acoustics: astonishing. The organ: 11,623 pipes. The experience: unforgettable. One of my favorite cds remains the choir singing civil war hymns.
- They live at high altitudes. Because they're used to thin air, their breath control is unrivaled. (Whether that gives them an unfair advantage at sea level is another matter.)
- They don't dance.
(That Marie Osmond could put one foot in front of the other on Dancing with the Stars was a miracle. Of course it would have helped had she practiced more and shrieked about her doll collection less.)
Not surprisingly the first of the Top Twelve finalists eliminated was lap-dancer David Hernandez. (Lap-dancing is strictly forbidden in Utah, with two exceptions: the Olympic village in 2002 was granted dispensation. Plus there's a club in Provo that sells membership cards for lap-dancing.) I liked David Hernandez but I suspect he would have sounded better had he not spread himself so thin.
So what do you think? Why are Mormons so much better than other Christians at singing?
***
HELP WANTED:
- I'm still looking for material for my cabaret show featuring music about states. Specifically I'm looking for a recording of - or even just sheet music for - the early 20th century song "When it's Apple Blossom Time in Orange, New Jersey, we'll make a Peach of a Pair." (I realize that this is more about fruit than New Jersey, but it sounds like a winner.) Also has anyone heard Steve Allen's song "Spring in Maine"? Is it any good?
- Is anyone reading involved in planning a 200th birthday celebration for Abraham Lincoln? I'm a huge Lincoln lover and want to get involved. I emailed historian Richard Norton Smith at George Mason University, but he hasn't responded. (He once gave me a private tour of the Lincoln Museum in Springfield, so I'm guessing he's just been busy. Or maybe he's still sore at my Mary Todd Lincoln wisecracks.)
Reader Comments ( Page 3 of 5)
31. Aw Mo,
Well, I was just planning a small get-together at the house here with Abe, Sammy Chase, Hannibal (not the movie villain), Stanton, Monty (if you can't lick 'em, join 'em) Blair, Welles (*best one that got away stories) and Johnny Usher.
Music provided by Dr. Hook--"He was only sixteenth, only sixteenth, but we loved him so..."
If you want to make a bigger production out of this, I'll see if I can book the Bowling Alley.
What can you bring?
Uh, let's see,
Will Hines
Crafty
Doris Kearns Goodwin
And, of course, yourself.
Seriously,
anything you need,
you know where to find me.
JG^^
John Giza at 5:24PM on Mar 21st 2008
32. I used to have so much respect for MOrmons and Marie Osmond, but Mormons are just another religion that's a cult. I mean any religion that teaches Women in thier church that they will not get into Heaven unless thier Male Counterperts call for them from Heaven, has got to be a crazy religion. It's like telling women that they are nothing without a man! F--- that! And Marie Osmond is such a damned Hypercrite, married twice and divorced twice (Who's gonna call her up to Heaven?) ANNNND, the crazy Bitch isn't supposed to drink caffiene, what was she doing popping open a can of RED BULL backstage after she fainted on Dancing with the Stars? It's her and the Mormon Church saying "Do as I say, not as I do".
Sue at 4:30AM on Mar 22nd 2008
33. to sing, one has to understand rhythm. for mormons to be able to sing as much and as well as they do, somewhere in there, there HAS to be some rhythm! now, here's the difference between the mormons and some of the other christian denominations: being on tv and singing such SECULAR songs is a NO-NO in MOST christian denominations. not to say it doesn't happen. look at a lot of black singers, and you'll see they grew up in the church, sang in the church choir. HELLO whitney huston! now, i'm not too sure about white singers, with the exception of avril lavigne. sure, mormons may have a distinct advantage due to their strict religious tenets that they abide by, and they are trying to come out of the woodwork so to speak, so we're gonna be seeing and hearing from them alot more. but i wouldn't say they were any better then other religions when it comes to singing. Mississippi Mass Choir anyone?
Devynn at 12:02AM on Mar 22nd 2008
34. I have to agree with some of what some of you have said. Having said that, I don't understand most of much, but that sure won't stop me. This is America.
I agree with Sue that Red Bull is bad, and, though not a man, I will PERSONALLY call Marie up to Heaven myself, that is if i can squeeze in on a technicality of some sort and maybe "tip" St.Peter.
If you catch my drift.
Mo, I think you're going too far when you say ANYTHING about Bing Crosby.
As for Mrs. Beasley and the aforementioned fornication, I never trusted Mr. French, so I'm not surprised, but am appropriately appalled.
Still and all, even though it's true what Sue says about women not needing men and all, I sure wish I had me a man to call Me to heaven, or rapture, tonight, if you know what I'm saying..... It's Spring AND a full moon...Sigh....
(Kenny Rogers, this does not apply to you. Do NOT call me. The restraining order still stands)...
Kim C. at 10:18PM on Mar 21st 2008
35. Yes, Mormons can sing, but can they think?
Bob at 12:31AM on Mar 22nd 2008
36. Aw Mo,
I don’t think “When it’s Apple Blossom Time in Orange New Jersey, We’ll Make a Peach of a Pair”
Is a real song. I think it is a one line joke song. See link:
http://www.harmonize.com/probe/Aids/Misc/Songtitles.htm
However, “I Found a Peach in Orange New Jersey in Apple Blossom Time” is a real song, and was up for debate as the State Song for New Jersey. To get these lyrics, see link:
http://cgi.ebay.com/SHEET-MUSIC-MAGAZINE-July-August-1989-BEST-OF-THE-80s_W0QQitemZ7384443210QQcmdZViewItem
Hope this was some help.
John
John Giza at 10:50AM on Mar 22nd 2008
37. Aw Mo,
But if you'd like,
I'm sure the Roccats would be happy to write the whole song for you.
Right Roccats?
JG^^
John Giza at 10:52AM on Mar 22nd 2008
38. for, say,
CRAFTY
I love a contest.
JG^^
John Giza at 10:57AM on Mar 22nd 2008
39. #1. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints is not at all a denomination.
#2. The reason why members are called "Mormans" is because an anchient Prophet Historian named Morman; living in the Americas at the time of his death, was commanded by the Lord to take certain anchient and most Holy sacrade scriptures; and abridge them on plates of ore mainly (brass,gold), to preserve them and bury them so that the simple truthes of the everlasting Gospel can once again be restored in due time - as convincing evidence and a testimony to both gentile and jew that Jesus is the Christ and savior of the world.
The Bible testifies of that same Christ in the Holy Land around his Birth, life, ministry, death and resurrection. The Book of Morman, another testimony of Christ, is scripture that starts in the Holy land around 600 B.C. and led by a tribe to America. It testifies of that very Savior(though before his coming into the world); and contains the very power and truth as does the Bible, but in it's pure simplicity, without curruption, mis-translations or additions and subtractions; handed down by Holy Prophets from generation to generation, containing the very Plan of Salvation and the Fullness of the Everlasting Gospel.
In other words, there are other scriptures out there that will come fourth, as did the Book of Mormon, "for all scripture is unto God," that the Savior said himself will come foward in these latter days. "Other sheep do I have which are not of this fold" said Jesus to his Apostles after breaking the bands of death, and other sheep he did visit and preach too. One Book in the Book of Mormon actually marks a crowning event of his dissention from heaven and preaching to the Anchient inhabitants of the American people. You will have to investigate how that scripture came fourth.
#3. You can call me a Cristian.
#4. Singing, dancing, blah blah blah. The truth is, as a member of that same Church that Jesus established by the laying on of hands to his Apostles by great power and authority from our Father in Heaven was taken off the earth for over 2000 years! For many simple and plain truths were lost, and as a result of the persecusions of the early Saints... behold! The great apostasy began! For that power and Authority, the very foundation of the Church of Jesus Christ, was no more. The priesthood was no more! It became a Church of men. The simple truths and ordinances were either lost or changed, therfore there had to be a restoration!
#5. I know this kowledge and wisdom not of myself. I know these truths, not of men. I bear you this testimony not of anything I am reading at this moment or by wrote. This truth I know to be true, for it has been revealed to me by the gift and great power of the Holy Spirit of God. I challenge all who read this blog to pray and ponder the words I have said and then in silence, with a pure heart and a contrite spirit, ask your Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ if these things are true; and I promise the truth of it will be revealed to you by the power of the Holy Ghost, which will bear testimony of all that you hold dear and true in your heart.
Lastly, I say that this is not about religion. For all that excersiseth faith in the Lord, even as much of a little musturd seed, yes said the Savior, can say to that mountain "move there" and surley as the Lord liveth that mountain will move!
Now imagine with faith, what can become of a simple voice. The Momon Tabernacle Chior sing as if the Angels in Heaven are among thy very presence, not because they can't dance!!!! But because of faith in our Lord and Saviour of all Mankind. Even Jesus Christ. Amen.
Adam
Adam at 11:59AM on Mar 22nd 2008
40. #1 Pine Cones
#2 Pipe Cleaners
#3 Gorilla Glue
#4 You can call me a Crustacean.
Crafty at 11:42AM on Mar 22nd 2008
41. Mo, you said "I'm still looking for material for my cabaret show featuring music about states."
Do you know the "Fifty States Song"? Its actually not that exciting, its simply a song listing all 50 states in alphabetical order. There is a bit of clapping to keep things going. Contact me if you want to know the song. I sang it in a pub in Dublin one year as my "party piece" -- mandatory standing up and making a fool of yourself because you're the only American at the Christmas party.
Cathy at 2:32PM on Mar 22nd 2008
42. What does religion have to do with singing???
I am LDS and can not sing to save my life. There are many beautiful voices in this world, it is what they do with their gift that matters not what faith they believe in. As for AI, I think the top 4 should be Brooke, David A., David C., and Carly. This is the most talented year I have seen and it is going to be hard to see someone go home every week. God bless them all.
Vezina at 2:59PM on Mar 22nd 2008
43. As a Mormon, I am so offended by this post. Not!
I mean, all this guy has to do is go to any Stake Dance and see the horrific display of what appears to be humans having convulsions. It is a truly frightening experience. MORMONS CAN'T DANCE!
I don't know if there is a "Mormon gene" that has any genetic inhibitors, but if there were, it would certainly block Mormons genetically from having the ability to dance. I think that it is that Mormons lack the ability to match beat and rhythm with movement. Mormon Church dances are really mini-freak shows of strange humans flailing around in worse fashion than American Bandstand would have even allowed, and if you are a Mormon and deny this, then you should go directly to your Bishop and tell him about why you feel the need to be "dishonest in your dealings with your fellow man."
Yes, once in a while you will find a Mormon who can dance. And ballroom dancing is less about actual dancing talent and artistic expression than obedience to certain preset choreographed movements. Eg: Line dancing is not a form of dancing that requires any real talent because there is no personal expression involved in following someone else's preset orders. Just like marching to the instructions of a drill sergeant is less about talent than not wanting to get into trouble.
I have long argued that we as Mormons must do much, much more to recruit Black members - if for no other reason than to recruit more people who genetically or sociologically seem to be predisposed to having beat and rhythm. Imagine how much Michael Jackson could have helped himself in his own personal life along with Mormons in general if he would have brought his dancing skills with him to the Mormon Church. My only concern is that if we invited all of the Church's Black converts to Mormon Church dances, they would flea in horror or even worse, the horrible Mormon dancing gene would rub off on them.
So, next time you, as a Mormon, question this author's basic hypothesis that Mormons can't dance: go to a Mormon dance and just for a second try and think outside of yourself in an anthropological point-of-view about the curious beat and rhythm handicapped movements being offered up by the strange human creatures which surround you. It will truly boggle your mind. And you might actually want to turn and run for help.
TylerM at 4:11PM on Mar 22nd 2008
44. "They don't dance."
Hasn't BYU cleaned up at Blackpool almost every year for the last ten years?
And we have more kids than you guys. So there.
Seth R. at 4:07PM on Mar 22nd 2008
45. TylerM,
ah yes, Stake dances-Mormon dress code required.
The minority of other religions at my High School used to hold our own Hamburger dances. (Does doing the car wash count as dancing?)
And now some really lame jokes that most people won't get unless you are a "Mo" or grew up around them
How do you tell a Mormon streaker?
By his gold and green balls
A Man at a Ward meeting says to the guy in front of him, "Excuse me could you remove your hat? You are blocking my vision"
"I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were having one"
"Who are you going to Senior Prom with Deseret?"
"My husband of course!"
How did Howard Hughes get into the Celestial Kingdom?
Where there's a will, there's a way.
Poor poor Nephidia McGee
graduated BYU
with no M.rs degree
Andrea- Yes I know I'm going to hell, you already told me at 5:21PM on Mar 22nd 2008