This week's Bad Parent column on Babble is written by Jeanne Sager, whose daughter sometimes watches six or more hours a day of television. Jeanne confesses: The truth is, I'm not crazy about all the TV watching in my house - whether it's Jillian or my husband in front of the screen. But I sacrifice to the TV gods in exchange for a work-from-home job, one that lets me spend more time with my daughter but requires me to offer her a smaller piece of my attention during the day.
Also on Babble this week: a comprehensive and quite funny dispatch about toddler TV. The author, L.J. Williamson, even manages to get a doctor at the AAP to clarify their famous "no TV under two" recommendation. Those of us whose kids watch an hour or so of "Big Bird in China" each day may find the doctor's response akin to religious absolution:
"We don't condemn many things in life. We don't hate television. We even gave Sesame Street an award. But what we're here to do is make recommendations for optimal health, and for infants, TV is not optimal. No two-dimensional screen can equal a three-dimensional caretaker. But we're not going to tell people 'You can't watch TV' - that's silly poo-poo. We are not the nation's nannies. TV is here to stay. But we have to learn to manage it and not let it manage us."
Read "Bad Parent: Screen Queen" here.Read "TV or No TV" here.
So, how much TV do your kids watch, and what do you think it's doing to them?
Reader Comments ( Page 2 of 5)
16. Tara, Why isn't your two year old at your side as you do the dishes, wash clothing, etc. She would love it and that contact would provide her with many more skills than the television ever would. Be sure to interact with her while you do the chores together...put the blue shirt in, put the towel in the drawer on the left, etc. I'm not judging you for setting your child in front of the television...your child, your choice. I'm just letting you know that there are other very good interactive learning options out there.
There are many children starting school who can say the alphabets or read, but are incapable of interacting with their peers or adults. Who can print their name, but cannot share their crayons. Learning is not about who can do what the youngest. It is about being well rounded and interactive with life.
falling at 3:49PM on Mar 28th 2008
17. We didn't let out son watch TV, other than sports, until he was 3. Guess what? TV doesn't work as a babysitter. He will watch a PBS Kids show the first time with rapt attention, but he won't watch reruns.
I'm starting to wish I had let him watch more TV when he was a toddler, just to get some work done.
The only program that he will watch, no matter how many times he's seen it, is "Word Girl".
And for a kid who claims that he loves NASCAR, particularly Jeff Gordon and Jimmy Johnson, he might watch 50 miles out of a 500-mile race. When I was his age, I could watch an Indy car race, whether it was the Phoenix 150 or the Indy 500, from the first green flag to the checkered flag.
Kent at 3:59PM on Mar 28th 2008
18. While my seven year old son does watch tv, we watch programs together (like Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern). I think Fallen had a good point with asking the children to help with chores. You'd be surprised at how proud it makes them and it also gives them a good foundation for understanding responsiblity. I've found that when I take my son away from the television and he helps me cook we have some of the most hysterical conversations!
Of course, that's not to say that any of you aren't including your children in small chores now!
Perhaps we're all guilty of letting our kids veg out a little here and there!
J at 4:51PM on Mar 28th 2008
19. On the subject of TV.......
One of the best lessons my daughter learned was the deceptiveness of advertising.
3 or 4 years ago, she saw the commercials for "Floam" - the stuff that was supposedly better than "Play-Doh".
When she asked for it two Christmas' in a row, I ordered some.
It was a HUGE disappointment. Now she views commercials with much more scepticism and rarely asks for stuff that is advertised on TV.
FL Chick at 5:40PM on Mar 28th 2008
20. What an absurb story.Where's the parent? Sleeping?
Get up from the sofa and turn the thing off by remote after one hour. You are in charge of the remote! Talking and playing and teaching kids is(should be) the role of parent(s). This kid has no guidance and little nurturing (6 hrs!).(Doesn't the toddler NAP?)
Get a grip, take the prozac if you need it,hold your toddler, kiss your toddler, let your toddler KNOW how much you truly, naturally, lovingly CARE!
Now go on and act like an adult!
boredwell at 8:15PM on Mar 28th 2008
21. all this "interacting" and "being there for our kids" has me wondering if this isn't the reason why ALOT of our kids these days can't handle disappointment well, need to be praised of EVERY LIL DAMN THING, have to be told what to do EVERY SINGLE DAMN STEP, etc, etc. maybe a lil "momma time" would do the brats some good. if we're not in their faces every 5 seconds, maybe they'd learn that they have to handle life on their own ever once in a while. giving chores helps. telling them to go play in their rooms for a bit helps. and putting them in front of the tv helps, too. i'll draw the line at 6hrs, tho. your house better be SPOTLESS in that amount of time if you NEED the kids out from underfoot so badly. of course, this is why i'm a HUGE fan of daycare. they have to interact with other ppl who don't live with them/share the same values/share the same bloodline, and therefore learn how life is in the REAL WORLD. they learn games and how to share and their basic ABCs and numbers and all sorts of other things that ppl who are certified to teach such things are teaching them. yes, we are our kids FIRST teachers. but we ALL remember that ONE teacher who was THE BEST TEACHER THEY EVER HAD. keep that in mind, folks. we can't do it all! and asking for and getting help from SOMEWHERE does us all a bit of good!
Devynn at 8:49PM on Mar 28th 2008
22.
Another comment brought this to mind, although it isn't about toddlers...
My daughter is an only child. (Well she has four half-brothers, but they are grown and scattered across the country.) As I said previously, she is 10 and isn't addicted to TV.
I used to worry because we live in a rural area where there are no neighbors within walking distance and except for school, the only kids she plays with are the children of our friends who we only see once or twice a week.
But I have since come to the conclusion that most parents keep their kids too busy and schedule too many activities.
I see a big difference between my daughter and the kids of my friends who have neighborhood playmates and lots of scheduled extracurricular activities.
My friends kids are bored out of their minds without someone to play with, they have to have the TV on during all their waking hours, whether they are watching it or not, they hate to read and they're very hyper.
My daughter can occupy herself without whining about being bored and without the TV. She paints, crochets, reads lots of books. She's writing a book on the computer along the lines of a Nancy Drew type plot. And she's writing a screenplay for a movie she wants to record with our video camera about how cats rule the world. (Yes, our cats will be the "stars")
I don't mean to sound like I'm bragging; believe me she has her bad moments like all kids do - won't clean her room, has to be told way too many times to do something, leaves a trail of clothes wherever she goes, and can't seem to remember to flush the toilet (yuck).
But my point is that left to their own devices once in awhile, I have come to believe kids will find positive, creative ways to fill their time.
FL Chick at 9:13PM on Mar 28th 2008
23. I have to give t.v. some credit where credit is due. My son (who has autism) has learned SO MUCH from Barney, Blue Clues, Sesame Street, and other similar shows. I bought him DVDs/VHS tapes and he will rewind and rewatch them over and over again. I didn't realize it, but all that information was being stored in his brain.
No, he certainly didn't watch 6 hours worth. But I let him watch these shows over and over again as much as he wanted. And I'm glad I did.
Where he was once considered to have moderate to severe autism, he is now considered mild. He is making straight As in school, in a normal/regular classroom. He has even won the AR accelerated reader award two years in a row. And won the 2nd grade spelling bee this year, beating out 75 other 2nd graders.
No, t.v. did not cure his autism. I'm definitely not saying that.
But these educational t.v. shows did help him learn.
Each child learns differently. There is no "one size fits all" for children.
Donna at 10:38PM on Mar 28th 2008
24. We have On Demand Cable and are able to watch old t.v. shows anytime we want. I have introduced my son, age 11, to the t.v. shows that I grew up watching - like Gilligan's Island, I Dream of Genie, Leave it to Beaver, etc.
Guess what? He LOVES them! Just like I did when I was his age!
T.V. is not all bad. There are some good, wholesome, fun shows out there. Even some of today's shows are great!
Of course, he doesn't sit 6 hours a day watching these programs. But he will watch two episodes, which equal one hour. That's about all he wants to see.
But I do think t.v. is good at times. I certainly enjoyed watching good t.v. shows when I was a child.
Donna at 1:33PM on Mar 29th 2008
25.
Donna, your son's progress is awesome!
FL Chick at 11:08PM on Mar 28th 2008
26. Electronics are part of the reality of life today and there is no turning back the clock to the 1950's.Unless the child is watching something very inappropriate, I see nothing wrong with letting them watch. My children love Discovery Channel and History channel the best, then Animal Planet and Nickelodeon .My older one watched a lot of Sesame Street. Not every kid is an athlete running all over the place, and not every parent has 14 hours a day to play board games. Get over it. My younger one has so much homework everyday that he is burned out, and would not read a book for "fun" if you paid him money.
LJ at 12:08AM on Mar 29th 2008
27. Eh, everything in moderation I say. It is difficult to judge another's parenting techniques, different things work for different people AND different children. Discussions like this often turn into peeing contests. Just look at how perfect BigDaddyRye is.
Angie at 9:14AM on Apr 1st 2008
28. Meggie & Falling - I don't actually "need" to justify anything to either of you. Nor do I need your judgemental comments about my parenting skills. My childrens vocabulary is incredible. In fact, at their annual check ups their doctor said that my two year old has one of the best vocabs she has ever heard for his age. And my four year old has an amazing vocab. And just to throw this in there- they and my 12 mth old (who just for reference: doesn't watch t.v.) are very healthy and very well. At their appt. they almost didn't give my four year old a vision test because they said most four year olds don't know all their shapes (which actually shocked me) but imagine their shock when my four year old AND my two year old breezed through the vision test like no body's business. Good eyes and a good mind.
And because I don't set a time limit on the t.v. - my kids don't "ask" or "beg" to watch t.v. - in fact most of the time when it's on my two year old will wander off to do other things and my four year old often comes and helps me with whatever chores I am doing. He also has his own chores that he has to do around the house that teach him responsibility and maturity. My children are self sufficient, together kids and I am incredibly proud of them. They can dress themselves, feed themselves and know how to play together and with other children in a kind and friendly way.
So don't get this high and mighty attitude - it's so very unattractive. How you raise your kids is your business and certainly none of mine - and although I am sure I wouldn't agree with everything you do, that's your business and you won't hear me critizing you. Especially, my goodness, especially since I don't know you and am only responding on a blog.
But just in case you need to feel a little "assurance" - you can sleep fine tonight knowing that a t.v. NEVER babysits my children. I have interaction with them constantly and am actively involved in every moment of their day. And for your little comment about excercise and free play and competition and so on having it's place in a child's life - you obviously didn't read my entire post in which I said we go to the playground, we have playgroups, they go to Pre-K and day care and my 4 year old is actively involved in sports and is actually starting soccer and t-ball in the spring (oh and goodness - before someone starts in on me for forcing him to do to much - he asked to do both - actually he also ask if he could also play golf - but I found a childrens league of golf!)
Oh, and just for another reference to my post - that I know you didn't completely read -my kids don't watch t.v. in the evening. They only watch in the morning. Evening is when we have dinner and they play games or play outside with their dad when he gets home.
So, you can just get over yourself and your "perfect" parenting and stop critizing those of us who let our children enjoy an educational, chidlren's television show when we see fit.
Jackie at 9:09AM on Mar 29th 2008
29. Although I may not be a parent usually the children who don't watch TV will often become socially awkward and an outcast of their school. TV might not be the best for a child to watch all the time however, it emplifies the media of which, influences many children to act a certain way. In a country driven by media, a child unexposed to the negetive aspects of society may seem less mature and therefore, excluded by other people as they start to mature into a teenager. They may also act a "different" way and appeal to be a socially awkward person. Being in outcast in the long run may even later lead to depression.
the onewhoknowsbest at 1:25PM on Mar 29th 2008
30. I think it's ridiculous that everyone hops on the "Oh My, you let your child watch TV!!" bandwagon! I have two teenage boys (15 and 17) and frankly, i have let them watch TV their whole life. I've been a single parent for the last ten years and i don't feel guilty one little bit.
I don't censor (though sometimes i've interrupted them to ask why they were bothering to watch a certain show or what did they think about it. Even as little ones, i rarely censored their viewing (unless it was extreme and could be harmful). What i did do was always have dialogue..when they were little we would play act and demonstrate some of the things used to make tv look real (like ketchup for blood) so they could understand how something could look real but be so false. We talked about the things they saw on shows and how we felt about it.
Now years later, my children mostly watch sports or history, one of them doesn't watch scary movies, because they have always frightened him, and when they do watch a trash TV show (yep, they've watched the dating shows, you name it) they are basically marvelling at the shallowness of the debutantes on the rich prom girls show, or guffawing at the sleazy behavior of the couple making out on the first date.
What TV HAS done for them: It has allowed them to be exposed to the "mysteries" of life that seem so attractive to teenagers...they aren't running off to try drugs or have sex (actually adamantly against it) prematurely because they've seen the silliness on TV. They know the concept that advertising is intended to lure you, that people do stupid things to get attention, that media is not reality, and that real bad things do happen without intention (such as teenagers getting in accidents - from the news).
My children are well adjusted, very happy, not in trouble ever...they aren't praised to death, nor are they ridiculed. We live real life in this house and that means we learn, evaluate, and accept people for who they are, stand up for what we choose to believe in, etc. They have actually sat me down and written me letters about how they feel they have had the "best life" - that i've said no on the extreme things, but let them have freedom too, and that they feel that it was absolutely perfect. I don't yet know how their adult years will go, but as evidenced from 15 and 17 years of apparently "excessive" tv watching, in this day and age when we are all hooked up to electronics, my kids have been given the freedom, i as a parent have made sure there has always been dialog, and i've got the great, well balanced kids, as evidence that there isn't anything wrong with letting your children watch tv.
For parents who think there is a certain rule book about what makes good kids...how about this...being an open and accepting person (aka, not bashing because someone said "6 hours" and you think 1 hour is okay, but more is not, etc) is probably a better indicator of how your kids will turn out than how much tv you are letting them watch.
Karin at 3:02PM on Mar 29th 2008