Below, a written recap on my nightclub act debut. But first:

Last night if you were watching NBC and you didn't blink, you saw me on Law and Order: SVU. The shoot was remarkable for two reasons:

1. A climactic scene was shot right in Grand Central Station. (I played the leader of a flash mob that froze on my command. The extraordinary incident on which it's based has been seen over 11 million times on YouTube.) But what was happening off camera was other-worldly. As soon as Chris Meloni stepped on to the floor, women from all corners of the station's vast interior dropped their things (bags, briefcases, babies) and began walking zombie-like towards Chris Meloni. Most had no idea what was drawing them. They hadn't seen us, hadn't seen Chris. They just sensed him and his pheromones ... and abandoned whatever responsibilities they had. In at least a couple of cases elderly relatives were left on their own, struggling to make their trains without the aid of their entranced daughters. (In one other case, a woman rose from her wheelchair and made her way to Meloni.)

Women of all shapes and sizes were soon pawing, gnawing, mauling Chris. Yearning not for Zion, but for Meloni. And he was gracious to every one of them.
2. One of the extras in the episode was a delightful young Haitian actor named Armand Andre. Armand noticed that I'd fastidiously laced up my Nikes (part of the costume) and offered to re-do my laces. Here are Armand's sneaks:



And down here you can see how he re-did my laces:



As you can see above, the laces are pulled into giant loops. Quite beautiful. The ends of each lace are knotted so that, short as they are, they can't escape the eyelets.



As cool as they look, I was unable to walk since, well, they weren't tied. Have you ever had your laces done? Were you able to walk afterward?

***

Thanks to all who sent well wishes for my nightclub debut this past Monday night at New York's Birdland Jazz Club. Mo Rocca 'Cross America is my tribute to the specialness of our states, often overlooked in a country so focused on Washington. Perhaps it's because I grew up in the Maryland suburbs of DC that I find the nation's capital so uninspiring, a mill town full of badly dressed men (boxy suits) and women (primary colors, Talbots, giant brooches) with terrible haircuts and absolutely no sex appeal.

Our states, on the other hand, have always captivated me, with their official birds, trees, flowers, folk dances, soils and, of course, quarters! Mind you, the show included only one official state song. (The terribleness of official state songs is a strong argument against states rights. Had Lincoln thought to point this out, the Civil War would have ended in a Gettysburg minute!)

In any case, the rundown of my show was as follows:

I opened with "What A Country!" Ray Bolger's big number from the Strouse and Adams musical All-American. After some nightclub patter about Oklahoma's divorce rate and South Dakota's mysterious Chinese Ring-Necked Pheasant (their state bird), I gave "Rhode Island Is Famous For You" a whirl. (Because of its many factual inaccuracies, I rewrote the third verse.)

Next, Charles Osgood came to the piano and, in honor of his birthplace, sang "(We'll Have) Manhattan," often misnomered "(We'll Take) Manhattan." Charlie's granddaddy was a train conductor, so we launched into a medley that took us down south and out west: "When the Midnight Choo-Choo Leaves for Alabam'" ... "I'm Alabamy Bound" ... "Atchison, Topeka and the Santa Fe."

My pal Stanley put together a terrific medley for himself and me of Ohio songs, in tribute to his Buckeye roots. I appreciated the inclusion of the theme from WKRP, even though Stanley was born after the show's run ended.

The dazzling Annaleigh Ashford brought us to the Mountain Time Zone with "Rocky Mountain High." Those of us who grew up in the east have a complex about our mountains, but Annaleigh was generous enough to duet with me on "Country Roads." Then we returned to standards with another great Manhattan ballad, "How About You?" (We included the little sung bridge that only Mickey and Judy seem to have recorded.)

At the halfway point I sang "See the USA in your Chevrolet." (A pretend sponsor is better than no sponsor at all.)

Then my friend Julian accepted the cringe-inducing challenge of jazzing up "Maryland, My Maryland," the only official state song in my show -- and, on the paper, by far the most tedious. No exaggeration, he brilliantly Mel-Tormelized it into something that every fourth grader in Baltimore will insist on singing.

My old buddy Brian then came on to represent New Jersey. We did so together in a medley of five songs that should have never been written. But thank god they were. These songs are irresistibly cheesy. (How can you not love "Everything's Wild in Wildwood"?)

I finished off the show with a medley devoted to the Commonwealth (it's NOT a state) of Pennsylvania: with an accordion to accompany me, I moved from the "Pennsylvania Polka" to "There's a Pawnshop on the Corner in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania," seamlessly into "Philadelphia Freedom."

For my encore, a cardboard Ann Curry and I sang "Tiny Bubbles."

More video to come!