Nan Mooney wrote a piece for Babble this week about moving back home with her parents when she got pregnant. Only she's not a member of the Spears family. She's in her late thirties and a published author. But she didn't have a partner or a child-friendly job, so she decided to give herself time to not have to worry about rent and her parents time with their new grandson.
The only problem: she started to feel like a teenager again, and not in the good way.
Read the whole story here.
What do you think? Would you ever move back in with your folks or let your kids move back in? Given the state of the economy, we're thinking this question might soon be a very real one for a lot of people.
Reader Comments ( Page 1 of 2)
1. I would have one answer to a 30 something like this that wanted to move back home. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Larry at 4:25PM on May 9th 2008
2. When my son was awarded custody of his two very young boys, he moved back in with me. He needed my help, and not just financially. I know he has appreciated all that I have done in the last 5 years, even though there were some tough times. I have not always approved of his decisions, and he hasn't always appreciated my advise. But in the end, it was always about the boys. And the rewards have been worth every bad day. Most grandparents only hear about their grandchildrens accomplishments. I watch them every day, from their first steps to their first words to their first day of school. I have been there for it all. In generations past, it was common for many generations to live under the same roof. Today we act like it is some type of failure. The truth is, the kids today are not better off because familys are seperated. They miss out on the chance to develope bonds that carry them through life. Meet my grandsons and you will see the difference it makes when all members of familys help raise children.
Teri Martinez at 4:28PM on May 9th 2008
3. Well, this woman seems to be fair in her assessment of living with her parents again at age 38 and with a baby.
Look, most adults would not choose to live with their parents again if they had the choice. Every family has to make this decision for themselves. It seems like this woman is very lucky to have such good parents - and fortunate enough to still have them both to get to know their grandson. Not everyone is so lucky.
David S. at 4:45PM on May 9th 2008
4. This woman should get down on her knees and kiss her parents' collective ass for letting her live there-period! Who the hell told jer to get knocked up when she was unmarried and didn't have a job good enough to support herself and her son? She should be ashamed of herself.
P.S. I'm a divorce mother of 2 boys and I NEVER thought about living with my parents, because they've already done their job. Now it's my turn to do mine.
Valerie at 4:56PM on May 9th 2008
5. Great story Ada, one of your better ones. To me that's what being a family member is all about...you help one another in times of need.
I'd open the doors to my house and not give it a second thought to anyone of my immediate family
and help them get back on their feet.....wouldn't give it a second thought.
My wife and I have helped members of her side of the family and members of my side and they've helped us. It's the way it should be....families sticking together and helping each other.
Willet at 5:25PM on May 9th 2008
6. At 38, I fully understood that having a baby and being single was NOT a good idea! If I had moved back in with my parents I would feel compelled to at LEAST pay my share of the bills in the household.
I'm of the opinion that the writer of that article is selfish and not so appreciative after all. She seems like an opportunist, and a slave to her whims.
If you are 38 and you want a kid, PLAN AHEAD. In fact, if you don't want a kid, plan ahead!
But whatever the reason you move back home, HELP YOUR PARENTS financially. Just because they raised you does not mean they STILL have to pay your bills.
whoops at 7:44PM on May 9th 2008
7.
I did....once. My home was destroyed in a hurricane, Mom's wasn't.
I lived there for 2 weeks. I became 12 years old again. She questioned my every movement:
When do you get home from work?
How late are you staying out?
Who's that girl, she seems nice?
I moved into the first apartment I could find, saving both our sanity.
never again at 7:48PM on May 9th 2008
8. ggrreeaatt
mac at 7:49PM on May 9th 2008
9. I am in agreement with one of the other commenters here: this woman should be grateful that her parents not only offered to take her in but also in assisting in baby-sitting the seemingly spoiled brat, from her definition of the little tike.
If she wants to go home with a manifesto of how best to raise her 'love-child' then she should be more humble in not only her attitude to her attitudes, from what she is telling us, and show a lot more gratitude for their willingness to put up with HER mistakes, not theirs.
They didn't open her legs for her and decide not to take precautions for not being able to care for a shitting screaming rugrat. They didn't have the bad judgment call of what is the best gig for her situation. All of those are indicative that this broad is just one of the millions of 30sumthangs who think they know what is best for themself but cant even supply the basics of life's support.
What a beotch!
DL at 10:59PM on May 9th 2008
10. My parents had a solution for this. They sold the house and moved into a small condo in another state. There is no home to move back into even if I wanted to.
When I lost my job a couple of years ago, they sent me a little money to help with my rent until I found another job but moving in with them was never an option. They taught me to be independent and self sufficient. If I screw up, it's my problem, not theirs.
Kelly E at 6:34AM on May 10th 2008
11. What happens when I want to have sex? Use my slim financial resources to go on vacation? HAVE ANOTHER BABY?? Grow up. I can sympathize with putting up with people who don't share your views under your roof. I can sympathize with having some contentions about how your parents have raised you, and their insistence that you do something differently. BUT, she is not entitled to her parent's help. She is not entitled to their accoutability for her life choices. And if my 38-year-old daughter took advantage of my kindness, and under my roof (where I didn't ask for rent), decided to HAVE ANOTHER BABY out of wedlock, and expect me to watch it four days a week, or went on vacation instead of paying me rent, or flagrantly decided that she would violate the rules of MY HOME by bringing guys over to spend the night, that would be the end of my charity. She'd just have to figure something out on her own; work longer hours, invest in a daycare, and see what it is to really have to deal with the decision she chose to make.
jessmarroyo at 9:27AM on May 10th 2008
12. Moving Home in your thirties is not something you do lightly. It is immense generosity on the part of the parents who love you, and in some part also on the part of the kid. When you move back, you give back... you don't go home again like they are going to take care of you again. You go home with the idea of working together to get past a rough spot. its love... FAMILY...Holding Life Together!
Close proximity living becomes an issue. Parents are adults and realize that you have a life, sometimes those lines can be blurred, on the other hand; you have to have respect for your family as well as to your "adult issues". Sure, if you focus on losing your "freedom" you will be miserable. You could focus on MY ROOM, MY SPACE and living in consideration of family members. There are volume issues. TV, radio. Dating or in the case of married thirty somethings ...other volume issues, finding ways to be quiet that are sexy and fun.
Its only a break...When you have a roof over your head, as opposed to a bridge lets say, you have much to be grateful for... whining about how the situation is cramping your style is only going to make the situation horrible un necessarily. Make the best of it, store up what money you can, share some as well toward living expenses. Have as much fun as you can, then go out and live in the style your adult lives wish to. Suck it up, some. They have to... it is NOT easy having someone else live back home either. HELPING OUT ALL YOU CAN, really helps!
I know what I speak of! I moved back with my mom, in my thirties, both for me and for her. There are many reasons people do so. Sharing resources is one of them. We had planned with my youngest brother who lived at home still, to help mom fix up her house and all benefit in the meantime. Turns out the universe had other plans. But that is another story.
Luanna at 12:53PM on May 10th 2008
13. I cannot believe the nerve of this woman! She is complaining about her childhood spent going to private schools, soccer games, and summers at the beach? This woman has a child she cannot support, she lives in a beautiful home that she does not pay for, eats food she does not purchase, has free babysitters and complains that living with her parents prevents her from taking vacations (planning on leaving the baby with your parents?), or have sex or even have another child she cannot support!? And has the nerve to complain when her parents suggest that raising her child to be a free spirit like herself is a BAD thing? Has she no yet figured out that doing as she pleases with no sense of personal responsibility is what put her in the position she is currently complaining about?
falling at 1:56PM on May 10th 2008
14. So Mooney doesn't like her parents behaving as if she were a "fragile teen"? If you haven't figured out how to support yourself by the time you are pushing 40 and if you haven't figured out by that advanced age that it is the height of irresponsiblity to bring a child into the world who you cannot support, then you ARE the moral equivalent of a "fragile teen", if not far worse.
emelpe at 2:54PM on May 10th 2008
15. IN MY EXPERIENCE HAVING A "FREE SPIRIT" IN YOUR LIFE IS NEVER FREE FOR YOU. SELL YOUR HOUSE AND LEAVE GOOFY BEHIND.
IRONBLUEEYES at 5:46PM on May 10th 2008