Nan Mooney wrote a piece for Babble this week about moving back home with her parents when she got pregnant. Only she's not a member of the Spears family. She's in her late thirties and a published author. But she didn't have a partner or a child-friendly job, so she decided to give herself time to not have to worry about rent and her parents time with their new grandson.
The only problem: she started to feel like a teenager again, and not in the good way.
Read the whole story here.
What do you think? Would you ever move back in with your folks or let your kids move back in? Given the state of the economy, we're thinking this question might soon be a very real one for a lot of people.
Reader Comments ( Page 2 of 2)
16. My son is 20 and he moved to Austin to go to school because he wanted to be closer to his girlfriend. I would ABSOLUTELY let him move back in. I'd let BOTH of them move in, I have a huge house and they could have the bottom floor. But - I'm single and I don't have any other children. It might be different if I was married or involved with someone, or if I had other kids.
I don't think my parents would be happy to have me move back in. I went through chemo this past year and my finances are devestated. In fact, I may lose my house, so there is a very real possibility that I will have to move in with SOMEONE. But I have gotten the impression from my mom that although they would let me if they had to, its not their fondest hope and dream that it goes that way...
Sydney at 5:56PM on May 10th 2008
17. I can sympathize with her in the fact that this is what has happened to me. I had a great paying job when I got pregnant and had to choose between the baby or the money. Needless to say money can't compare to a human life. I moved back in with my parents to have my daughter. But I do pay rent, buy groceries, and refuse to let my parents pay for any of the things that my daughter needs.(diapers, formula, clothes or baby food) Now she is 6 months old and I have finally found a job to support us 100%, the problem I have encountered is that my parents would rather I stay here so they can babysit then move out and pay someone to watch her.
kelinya at 8:09PM on May 10th 2008
18. If I had to chose between that ungrateful child and whether she would stay with me I would make a contract where she got a job, no sex in-house, groceries for the family, share the power gas, help with the house work, and you have another kid, there is the front door, close it after you go though it on your way out! You made your bed (as it were) and lost it so I think that at 38 you would understand the word responsibility and start doing your best to be just that, responsible. However, if you haven't learned by now, your parents have every right to approve/disapprove, offer advice a generally be your parents. You are the child here, aren't you?
Dedmanrisn at 1:44AM on May 11th 2008
19. I am a 52 year old woman, raised my children for 17 years, alone, and suffered the assault of liberalism that my children were exposed to in the public school system. I did my best to teach them right and wrong, and both are successful. But, because the laws did not favor parental discipline, my children often threatened me if I did not follow their "lead". I would never allow either one of them back into my home. I am glad to finally be the ruler of my roost!
Diane at 8:38AM on May 11th 2008
20. You go Diane!
There's a fine line between legitimate compassion, entitlement or temporary aid.
I'm of the sad opinion there's a different destructive youthful philosophy in the wind that utilizes "guilt" instead of rational decision making.
This woman noted in the article although not youthful in age seemingly has adapted to the "fly by the seat of your pants" philosophy in life until the sh*t hits the fan.
That being 'don't question my dignity or decision making' or you're not a good parent or person. Just do your part & help ME until I'm through this.
The same can be said about matters of racial inequality as all are 'racists' when questioning or commenting about factual evidence leaning toward irresponsibility in human behavior. We're generalized or made guilty for stating that factual evidence.
Entitlement comes into play as a viable option when the 'sh*t hit the fan' scenario of a person's life comes about due to their lack of proper lifestyle decisions.
The vast majority of decent people anguish with the decision to implement 'tough love' when faced with those around them constantly abusing them as that 'viable option' in life without the consideration of the 'giving' party in question & what that sacrifice means to them.
I'd personally lay down before an oncoming train in a life or death situation involving my children as I'm sure most of us would. There's a diffence in sacrifice when life's constant bad decisions are the oncoming obstacle itself.
I choose 'tough love' & my children are better adults for my choices in life that have an impact on their lives in better practical decision making for themselves & the ones around them helping in the cycle of personal responsibility transferred from one generation to the next. It is me who can now rely on their ability to stand on their own during the downturns in life & eliminates a one sided approach to who the mentor has been & what his accomplishment of proper teaching is ultimately for. Independence & intelligent thought process are the two greatest gifts a parent can give....
Bobby at 2:58PM on May 11th 2008
21. Well I'm in the same situation, except I was married and left my husband, I'm now divorced. I have three children. I lost my job and I'm a home owner. My aunt welcomed me and my children in her home. I thank God for her, without her me and my children would be homeless.
Queen at 5:06PM on May 11th 2008
22. Even when you visit, my parents are usually on their good if not best behavior. For approximately 12 hrs. Then it starts, tatoos, piercing, jobs, relationships, money or lack of it all collide into that stew we felt was toxic when we under mom & dad's roof. You are, in spite of how ever old you are, treated as a child. A child that needs some advice to get through the rest of his/her life. Parents just can't help themselves. I've given up. I usually answer, "You're right,Mother/Father," just as I did when a teenager. Within the next 12 hrs they finally get the message and settle down to acquiescence.I can hear my mother years and years ago, "I don't know what I'm going to do with you."
boredwell at 5:48PM on May 11th 2008
23. I imagine the writer of this blog watched 20/20 recently when the topic of discussion was adult children living with parents. The program was filmed in Italy where it is customary for children to remain with their parents until they marry.
There is no push by the parents to get their offspring out on ther own.
In the case of the woman who moved - with her love child - back into her parents' house, the reasons for doing so seem clear: She needs cheap (in this case, FREE) childcare. This woman has the deal of a lifetime.
To her credit, she seems acutely aware of her good fortune and of the concessions she, too, must make while living with her parents in their home.
While the parents do not seem to support their daughter's decision to bear a child out of wedlock, they have, nonetheless, accommodated her -- evidently, for the baby's sake as much as for their daughter's. This is a very excellent example of someone who got lucky (or blessed, whichever way you look at it) in having two generous, intelligent people for parents. The baby is very fortunate,too, as a result.
Gideon at 12:11AM on May 12th 2008
24. This woman talks about how her 4-month old son has a "temper tantrum" and how she plans to teach him to "channel" his emotions?
Four-month olds are infants with needs and discomforts, not toddlers throwing temper tantrums.
If her parents haven't thrown her out yet, they will after her less than flattering portrayal of them. Let's hope they keep the grandkid and let her free spirit just fly away.
ThisScaresMe at 3:06AM on May 12th 2008
25. Many Chinese-American families I know have long-standing traditions of staying in the same household for two or three generations. Generally, they tend to work hard to own their own businesses, and employ family members from grandparents to grandchildren.
Perhaps we could learn a lesson from that and our economy would be better off. Certainly, there would be far less mortgage foreclosures. Those who subscribe to Christian extremism are fond of touting: "The family that prays together, stays together". - Yet far too few of them do.
Chris Aable at 5:31AM on May 12th 2008
26. How about the 30 year olds who never moved out???
Many, many of them. They do not want kids, so they stay single. Why get own apartment or house when you can keep freeloading on your parents. Then when they get older and need help, you can ship them to a nursing home after you take their house.
How many people know of this situation?
robert okane at 7:21AM on May 12th 2008
27. This woman has a legitimate complaint. However, she must have known that her parents weren't going to miraculously change just because she needed them to be different people...
My husband and I left our NYC apartment and moved in with my dad for a while because he was ill and needed support. It was a horrible experience, and my husband and I knew it would be going in. My dad was always a bully, and illness just brought out the beast in him. But you do what has to be done for people you care for, and that's the price of living.
When it was over, I promised my husband that I would take in one of his parents if it was needful - he knows that I will make the same sacrifices for his family that he made for mine.
This woman needs to reassess who she is and how she needs to get from point A to point B, if she wants her autonomy back.
Lionruby at 10:09AM on May 12th 2008