The New York Times today has a story about father-daughter purity balls, parties at which fathers vow to protect their daughters' virginity and/or their daughters vow to stay pure until marriage. They are formal affairs, with dress clothes and dancing and ceremonies like the laying of white flowers at the foot of a cross or the forming of swords into a V. Such events have been around for at least a decade, and they continue to inspire celebration within the evangelical world as well as cries of revulsion from those outside it. Opponents mistrust the concept of a father "owning" his daughter's sexuality and they wonder why boys' virginity isn't so prized. (They are also icked out by some of the ceremonies' clunky, graphic key-and-lock metaphors.)
But a nuanced critique from within the evangelical community appeared last year in the Chicago Sun-Times. (It doesn't seem to be available on the Sun-Times site, but is available, ironically, in full on Opie and Anthony's blog.) In the measured piece, Betsy Hart writes:
Look, I'm an evangelical Christian who firmly believes that sex should be reserved for marriage. But I just can't imagine going about it this way with any of my four kids, son or daughters.
For starters, something like a ''purity ball'' essentially minimizes a young woman's very humanity. But, of course, if we value her we know that her sexuality and the choices she makes about it as an adult are hers.
Besides, I can't help but wonder if a single-minded focus on virginity is an ironic, and unintended way, of sexualizing youth in a different way.
In any event, what bothers me most is that these dads and daughters may be falling for the misperception that ''the sin is in the thing'' instead of the heart, or conversely, that some sort of righteousness is inherent in the status of virgin, or any outward appearance of propriety.
So, are the purity ballers the new Pharisees, indeed too outwardly righteous?
The statistics suggest Hart is right. As the Times reports: Recent studies have suggested that close relationships between fathers and daughters can reduce the risk of early sexual activity among girls and teenage pregnancy. But studies have also shown that most teenagers who say they will remain abstinent, like those at the ball, end up having sex before marriage, and they are far less likely to use condoms than their peers.
Reader Comments ( Page 1 of 4)
1. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Firstsai at 7:05PM on May 19th 2008
2. Does your concern with these balls stem from the stats about premarital sex, or from the fact that they are practiced by Christians? I suspect the latter.
Ang at 8:12PM on May 19th 2008
3. Don't forget the main thing: They don't work!
Alan at 8:16PM on May 19th 2008
4. Preoccupation w young womens virginity(ie:genetalia) borders on obssesive attention to the wrong body parts...as in what about the BRAIN??? Learning how to actually THINK for themselves. So sorry you Christian lasses within this mess of a programed dogma...yuk!!
lois at 8:53PM on May 19th 2008
5. I am a Christian, but I think this whole thing is ick! A girl's body does not belong to her parents, and as the parent of a 16 year-old daughter, I can't think of her virginity of something I am ready to hand over to any young man. No boy will ever be good enough for her! Now, I am trying to teach her to make the right choices, took her to church 3x/week all her life, sent her to a Christian school, set a good example (I am still married to her father, coming up on 24 years) - at some point you have to say "I've done all I can do, the rest is up to her and the Lord." Yes, the "Chasity Rings" do tend to come off before the wedding rings go on, unless you are my husband's cousin, who married off his daughter at 18 years old (he is a Baptist preacher), and they made a huge deal out of trading one ring for the other during the wedding ceremony. Yuk! Yeah, that's one way to make sure they are a virgin at the wedding, make sure they get married while still a teenager!
Sarah at 9:56PM on May 19th 2008
6. """"And so, for instance, I talk to my children about the gift of sexuality, and that one can't rightly enjoy that gift outside of marriage because anything less isn't good enough for us. It's not how we were designed."""".....Betsy Hart, February, 2007.
You should have added a few more cuts and pastes from Betsy Hart's article Ada. I mean you chopped out her final conclusion. As you can see, I took the liberty of pasting it in for you.
It was a well written article, a little dusty since it's almost 2 years old, but well written and by a very devout Christian.
Willet at 10:09PM on May 19th 2008
7. Was this Papa Joe Simpson's idea?
Bye bye, women's lib...it was fun while it lasted.
Emily at 10:29PM on May 19th 2008
8. SC wrote: (Make a note of this;these are the words on another poster, 'SC'. Not me. I hate it when people yell at me for something bad that I I quoted. Clear? OK) Here is the quote:
"Look, Ada, we get it: you are apparently anti-Christian. This isn't even your business much less anything to write an article on. This is something the daughters and the fathers want to do. Your interpretation of what it means to you, and outsider, is meaningless. Move on to something that IS your business and is newsworthy."
SC at 8:58PM on May 19th 2008
OK, it's me again. Doesn't keeping it private like you suggest make it all that much creepier, SC?
tfitz1017 at 10:35PM on May 19th 2008
9. I AM A DEVOTED CHRISTAN AND TO ME SOMETHING DOES SEEMS VERY WRONG WITH THE IDEA OF A FATHER DAUGHTER CHASITY BALL. EWWWW. ALMOST INCESTUOUS. JEEZ. KEEP MY DAD OUT OF MY SEX LIFE. I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH BETSY HART. COMPLETELY. IT IS LIKE THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM. YOU TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT, BUT THE MORE YOU TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT, THE MORE YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
TERRI at 11:22PM on May 19th 2008
10. "AndA so, for instance, I talk to my children about the gift of sexuality, and that one can't rightly enjoy that gift outside of marriage because anything less isn't good enough for us. It's not how we were designed"
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Aside from the "designed" statement (was that a dig?), humans are programmed by their hormones to have sexual desires once puberty hits. Please don't think that premarital sex began in the 70's in this country. It's been around since this country started. Young teens are usually not emotionally mature enough to make sex a part of their lives.
I agree with Ada. It is just plain creepy.
Linda at 11:28PM on May 19th 2008
11. I WANT TO ALSO SAY THAT I FEEL IT IS VERY SEXIST. WHERE ARE THE SONS? ARE THE SONS OF ADAM ALLOWED TO PLAY WHILE THE DAUGHTERS OF EVE TAKE ALL THE RESPONSIBILITY? AND THE WAY THE FOCUS IS ON HER VIRGINITY, IT MAKES ME A LITTLE SKEEVED OUT. LIKE SOME WOMEN AREN'T SCREWED UP ENOUGH WITH OUR SEXUALITY, NOW COMES DAD HAVING A PARTY BECAUSE OF OUR VIRGINITY. EWWW.
TERRI at 11:31PM on May 19th 2008
12.
Lois and Terry, I suppose you don't think that the excessive attention to a girl's sexuality out in the media, in the world, isn't so bad, eh?
I don't see the emphasis there on the brain.
Well, let's just criticize the Fathers/parents for atleast trying to set a good example for their daughters in the light of our pornographic, sexually charged society, of which, seems to have a much greater hold on these girls' attention in the first place??
It sure is easier than battling the media and the clothing, magazine, merchandising, movie industries.
But not as efficacious.
A friend of mine's a pediatrician and he sees young, young girls coming in with std's of every kind and the parents of these minors are just so shocked that THEIR little girl could even be sexually active.
Come on.
This is the result of negligent parenting that runs so rampant in our society.
How come this is okay with women above all people?
You've come along way, baby.
Steve S. at 12:02AM on May 20th 2008
13. 1. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Firstsai at 7:05PM on May 19th 2008
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I agree with this post.
Captain Negative at 1:35AM on May 20th 2008
14. 13.
Lois and Terry, I suppose you don't think that the excessive attention to a girl's sexuality out in the media, in the world, isn't so bad, eh?
I don't see the emphasis there on the brain.
Well, let's just criticize the Fathers/parents for atleast trying to set a good example for their daughters in the light of our pornographic, sexually charged society, of which, seems to have a much greater hold on these girls' attention in the first place??
It sure is easier than battling the media and the clothing, magazine, merchandising, movie industries.
But not as efficacious.
A friend of mine's a pediatrician and he sees young, young girls coming in with std's of every kind and the parents of these minors are just so shocked that THEIR little girl could even be sexually active.
Come on.
This is the result of negligent parenting that runs so rampant in our society.
How come this is okay with women above all people?
You've come along way, baby.
____________________________________________
Steve, TY! Although I don't know if it's "negligent parenting" so much as "PC parenting". Females are being taught that being sexual is empowering, and by implication, that limiting your sexuality limits your power. Untrue! Women who believe they have to show everything - at all times - are as enslaved to men as these "poor daughters." Why? Because in the end, who gets more pleasure from the sight of the exposed female form? That's right, men. In effect, our culture still serves men by being as sexualized as it is. So to make the sexist argument is to be the pot calling the kettle black. There is more power in being in control of sexuality to where it doesn't NEED to be constantly aired out and flaunted and generally available to whomever and whenever. I think the essence behind the chastity message is great -- learn to control your sexuality so that it is truly mastered by YOU....not by society, not by peer pressure or what you see in entertainment. Otherwise, you will get the conflicting message that being "out of control" is being "in control." Ask girls who have "hooked up" thinking they're being "hot," only to discover that guys don't respect them. I'll take a chastity ball over being used any day.
Ang at 1:47AM on May 20th 2008
15. I'm a Christian too, but this actually worries me. It sounds very close to heading down the road to how an "impure" woman in the middle east is treated. All children should be encouraged to stay pure for safety's sake, healthwise, if nothing else. But no parent should become an ostrich with its head in the sand. Why do you think so many pastors' kids have the wildest reputations?
Klc at 4:06AM on May 20th 2008