The New York Times today has a story about father-daughter purity balls, parties at which fathers vow to protect their daughters' virginity and/or their daughters vow to stay pure until marriage. They are formal affairs, with dress clothes and dancing and ceremonies like the laying of white flowers at the foot of a cross or the forming of swords into a V. Such events have been around for at least a decade, and they continue to inspire celebration within the evangelical world as well as cries of revulsion from those outside it. Opponents mistrust the concept of a father "owning" his daughter's sexuality and they wonder why boys' virginity isn't so prized. (They are also icked out by some of the ceremonies' clunky, graphic key-and-lock metaphors.)
But a nuanced critique from within the evangelical community appeared last year in the Chicago Sun-Times. (It doesn't seem to be available on the Sun-Times site, but is available, ironically, in full on Opie and Anthony's blog.) In the measured piece, Betsy Hart writes:
Look, I'm an evangelical Christian who firmly believes that sex should be reserved for marriage. But I just can't imagine going about it this way with any of my four kids, son or daughters.
For starters, something like a ''purity ball'' essentially minimizes a young woman's very humanity. But, of course, if we value her we know that her sexuality and the choices she makes about it as an adult are hers.
Besides, I can't help but wonder if a single-minded focus on virginity is an ironic, and unintended way, of sexualizing youth in a different way.
In any event, what bothers me most is that these dads and daughters may be falling for the misperception that ''the sin is in the thing'' instead of the heart, or conversely, that some sort of righteousness is inherent in the status of virgin, or any outward appearance of propriety.
So, are the purity ballers the new Pharisees, indeed too outwardly righteous?
The statistics suggest Hart is right. As the Times reports: Recent studies have suggested that close relationships between fathers and daughters can reduce the risk of early sexual activity among girls and teenage pregnancy. But studies have also shown that most teenagers who say they will remain abstinent, like those at the ball, end up having sex before marriage, and they are far less likely to use condoms than their peers.
Reader Comments ( Page 2 of 4)
16. Ada
I know you have this thing about being anti Christian, but this subject is kinda stupid. Purity Balls-Christian, get real. Lets try a subject with something to discuss-where a woman's rights are really being taken away, how about
Muslim Honor Killing??
if a woman messes around with a man, her being single, married, or even slated by the family to marry someone, and she by doing so such act does dishonour the Muslim Family, they KILL her. Just the thing of sex and not being married will dishonour a Muslim Family, bingo, she is killed.
Now that is something to be discussed, not "Purity Balls", how dumb. The Muslims have a few other reasons to kill a woman to protect the family's honor, but that is not the subject being discussed.
But, Obama has Muslim links, half his family, and maybe that would be considered to political. But what the hell, if we elect a person with Muslim family ties, this honor killing may come up.
robert okane at 6:28AM on May 20th 2008
17. Why don't they have the equivalent of chastity belts for boys?
Why the double standard?
Patti at 7:49AM on May 20th 2008
18. Who cares? It's their religion. They have a freedom in this country to do whatever they want. It's about as silly as calling a 13 year old jewish girl a woman or a boy a man, but I don't see any published criticisms of that.
I think if it's something that could potentially avoid teenage pregnancy, then by ALL MEANS, let them do it. If it bothers you, don't be a part of that religion. It's that simple.
Strados at 8:06AM on May 20th 2008
19. Robert- your act of turning every single blog entry regardless of topic into an Obama bashing platform is insidious and puerile. Grow up and get a hobby that actually accomplishes something in life.
Strados at 8:07AM on May 20th 2008
20. "Purity Balls", "Honor Killings", anti-Christian, anti-Muslim, anti-Semitic... ad nauseum. For nearly two thousand years (at the very minimum) humans have been willfully allowing a mob of borderline fanatical, hate, fear, and power-mongering individuals to tell them how to run their lives. And we LET them. Oh, humanity, when are we going to WAKE UP, and take back what is ours? When are we going to finally step into the future, give up our childish fears of death and Holy recrimination, and spiritually evolve into the glorious beings that the divine in all of us desires?
NAMASTE (It's a slogan we can ALL agree with.)
Hopefully,
Robert
Robert at 10:13AM on May 20th 2008
21. Advisory: The following is a 'balls' joke. Sorry.-t
********************************************
From Adas' article
"Opponents mistrust the concept of a father "owning" his daughter's sexuality and they wonder why boys' virginity isn't so prized."
It's because they already have those 'purity balls'. I'm just glad we don't have to look at the pictures from THAT little soirée!
***********************************************
Hey, somebody had to do it.
tfitz1017 at 10:29AM on May 20th 2008
22. And on a lighter note...
If it were the Mothers defending their little girls honor, there would be a carpet of 'purity balls' scattered all over the floor. LOL
Robert at 10:36AM on May 20th 2008
23. The Sexual Revolution has caused irreparable damage. Its contempt for traditional Judeo-Christian sexual morality has led to rampant STD’s, millions of abortions, divorce, broken homes, etc. There is nothing liberating about pre-martial sex and promiscuity. God created sex to be shared between a man and a woman within the sacrament of marriage. God expects men and women to abstain, until marriage and remain monogamous within marriage. Sex is not dirty or bad, nor is it a recreational activity. It is holy and sacred. Parents need to teach their sons and daughters to respect their bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit. Parents also need to foster strong self esteem in their children so that they are able to resist the bombardment of sexual immorality. Men of Integrity, www.menofintegrity.org, Men of Purity, www.menforpurity.com, Ladies against Feminism, www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com, and Women of Grace, www.womenofgrace.com are excellent organizations for resources on creating a culture of love, honor, and respect. I also recommend the books, Boy Meets Girl, Theology of the Body, 'A Return to Modesty', Passion and Purity, and Lady in Waiting: Developing Your Love Relationships.
janesophie1 at 10:56AM on May 20th 2008
24. UH-OH!!!! "Shit-stirrer" alert!
Robert at 10:58AM on May 20th 2008
25. Janesophie...I assume you're ignoring the millions of people who won't believe in a Christian god?
Strados at 11:11AM on May 20th 2008
26. Dear Darin,
So many misconceptions, so little time... I will address none of them. I will however, suggest that you spend the remainder of the day honestly evaluating EVERYTHING you said. When you're done, then you will have employed "Engage brain before putting mouth in gear." And we will likely not hear from you again. Or not. And we will.
Robert at 11:40AM on May 20th 2008
27. Strados
Yes.
janesophie1 at 11:40AM on May 20th 2008
28. Jane, from a catholic perspective are the "purity balls" a good idea?
JefFlyingV at 11:46AM on May 20th 2008
29. I beleive in teaching abstenance, to both genders.
I have jumped in the hay quickly, and also taken my time.
Taking the time to REALLY get to know someone really does make it much better when things do finally happen.
In regards to the Balls?
A Dad spending a nice evening with his daughter is wonderful.
Calling it a virginity ball seems kind of wierd.
Being a good parent means you have to teach by example, and make it a daily occurence.
Not a one time speach.
Scott Schenck at 12:22PM on May 20th 2008
30. JetFlyingV
The church would support any effort to stem the tide of sexual immorality. I would like to see the entire family involved in this effort. There should be a series of talks in which teens and parents can talk openly and honestly. The talks should focus on biblical teachings and ways to avoid sexual temptation. Parents are the biggest influence in a child's life. They should keep communication open. Parents should not be afraid of being police in the home; i.e. monitoring the TV, radio, computer and being aware of their child's friends. If need be, dropping in on social events might be warranted. Remember, you are the parents first and a friend, last.
janesophie1 at 12:53PM on May 20th 2008