The New York Times today has a story about father-daughter purity balls, parties at which fathers vow to protect their daughters' virginity and/or their daughters vow to stay pure until marriage. They are formal affairs, with dress clothes and dancing and ceremonies like the laying of white flowers at the foot of a cross or the forming of swords into a V. Such events have been around for at least a decade, and they continue to inspire celebration within the evangelical world as well as cries of revulsion from those outside it. Opponents mistrust the concept of a father "owning" his daughter's sexuality and they wonder why boys' virginity isn't so prized. (They are also icked out by some of the ceremonies' clunky, graphic key-and-lock metaphors.)
But a nuanced critique from within the evangelical community appeared last year in the Chicago Sun-Times. (It doesn't seem to be available on the Sun-Times site, but is available, ironically, in full on Opie and Anthony's blog.) In the measured piece, Betsy Hart writes:
Look, I'm an evangelical Christian who firmly believes that sex should be reserved for marriage. But I just can't imagine going about it this way with any of my four kids, son or daughters.
For starters, something like a ''purity ball'' essentially minimizes a young woman's very humanity. But, of course, if we value her we know that her sexuality and the choices she makes about it as an adult are hers.
Besides, I can't help but wonder if a single-minded focus on virginity is an ironic, and unintended way, of sexualizing youth in a different way.
In any event, what bothers me most is that these dads and daughters may be falling for the misperception that ''the sin is in the thing'' instead of the heart, or conversely, that some sort of righteousness is inherent in the status of virgin, or any outward appearance of propriety.
So, are the purity ballers the new Pharisees, indeed too outwardly righteous?
The statistics suggest Hart is right. As the Times reports: Recent studies have suggested that close relationships between fathers and daughters can reduce the risk of early sexual activity among girls and teenage pregnancy. But studies have also shown that most teenagers who say they will remain abstinent, like those at the ball, end up having sex before marriage, and they are far less likely to use condoms than their peers.
Reader Comments ( Page 3 of 4)
31. I beleive in teaching abstenance, to both genders.
I have jumped in the hay quickly, and also taken my time.
Taking the time to REALLY get to know someone really does make it much better when things do finally happen.
In regards to the Balls?
A Dad spending a nice evening with his daughter is wonderful.
Calling it a virginity ball seems kind of wierd.
Being a good parent means you have to teach by example, and make it a daily occurence.
Not a one time speach.
Scott Schenck at 12:22PM on May 20th 2008
32. JetFlyingV
The church would support any effort to stem the tide of sexual immorality. I would like to see the entire family involved in this effort. There should be a series of talks in which teens and parents can talk openly and honestly. The talks should focus on biblical teachings and ways to avoid sexual temptation. Parents are the biggest influence in a child's life. They should keep communication open. Parents should not be afraid of being police in the home; i.e. monitoring the TV, radio, computer and being aware of their child's friends. If need be, dropping in on social events might be warranted. Remember, you are the parents first and a friend, last.
janesophie1 at 12:53PM on May 20th 2008
33. Oy! Janesophie, enough already!
Robert at 12:57PM on May 20th 2008
34. this sound like something that might happen on a polygamist ranch...daddy owns your package unil he passes it off to the next guy.
it's creepy!
whoops at 1:05PM on May 20th 2008
35. As a dad who has attended this kind of event, which in our area is called the "Daddy/Daughter Dance", I can assure you that the emphasis is NOT on my daughter's sexuality nor anything remotely akin to her virginity. The prominent idea behind this affair is to show our daughters what it is like to be treated as a "Lady" on a date. Yeah, I said on a date. We do the whole tux/prom dress/corsage/limo thing, and our daughters are absolutely thrilled! When my little girl reaches full puberty and begins dating, there is no doubt in my mind as to the kind of young man who will win her (and probably mine and her Mom's) heart; the one who knows how to treat her as a Lady.
bdad at 1:13PM on May 20th 2008
36. my dad thinks i'm still a virgin, but only because it's one of those "you will be homeless on the streets if you think of having sex while you live in MY house" rules.
...i often think of this while i'm being bent over an armchair chair in high heels and i laugh quietly to myself.
hannah at 1:52PM on May 20th 2008
37. hannah, somebody of that nature deserves to be homeless, but the comedy is partially appreciated.
Strados at 2:08PM on May 20th 2008
38. ORTHO JEW FATHERS TAKE SIMILAR STEPS AND PLEDGES WITH THEIR DAUGHTER. OF COURSE THE USA ANTI-CHRISTIAN PRESS AND AOL WOULD NEVER DREAM OF SAYING A CRITICAL WORD ABOUT JEWS. RATHER THEY WILL ATTACK AND DEFAME ANY ASPECT OF CHRISTIAN FAITH AS BIZARRE AND SEXUAL. PISS ON YOU AND YOUR ZIONIST EMPLOYERS ADA CALHOUN!
taylor at 3:11PM on May 20th 2008
39. hannah
I realize that you meant the post to be amusing, but it is actually very sad. A real adult would leave their father's home, instead of disrespecting him in this manner. You behavior illustrates your immaturity. Having sex does not make one a woman or an adult!
janesophie1 at 3:16PM on May 20th 2008
40. Well taylor, it is sad to see an adult like you goosestepping and pushing your twisted cross where ever you go.
JefFlyingV at 3:19PM on May 20th 2008
41. Does Taylor know their CAPS LOCK is on?
Robert at 3:36PM on May 20th 2008
42. P.S. Hannah,
You weren't supposed to tell!
Robert at 3:38PM on May 20th 2008
43.
Hannah, at least have the decency not to use daddy's armchair.
:)
FL Chick at 3:53PM on May 20th 2008
44. Unless, of course, it's DADDY!
Robert at 4:00PM on May 20th 2008
45. The word "purity" in this context creeps me out. Does the sex act render a person impure? That is the implication.
Are these parents teaching their children that sex is filthy and disgusting?
cliothecat at 7:01PM on May 20th 2008