1. You're right, of course, Ada--if you have enough money you can buy full-time in-home child care but there is no way to puta price on the value of a parent, who loves a child and is invested in him or her, at home full-time. It's quantity vs. quality time, and kids need both from their parents. I'm not much of a housekeeper but I'm fairly sure my kids prefer my being here to my working while a housekeeper cleans the house and watches them.

Leslie at 6:41PM on Jun 9th 2008

2.
Maybe I should quit my job?

If only I could find a good Sugarmomma....

mac at 7:55PM on Jun 9th 2008

3. Wow--
I'm agreeing with you for once!
A great book (available online, out of print) is "What's a Smart Woman Like You Doing at Home? by Linda Burton, ....
I hsve a college degree, but nothing has been more important than being home with my children -- being "there" for them when they needed me, not when I was available for them.
I can't say enough about making the decision (yes, it can be done, don't need the BIG house and the COOL car and fancy vacations) to be home.
There are bad days, like working people have also, but no salary could have pulled me from my babies and home. And don't think that once they are "in school" they don't need you/want you in the morning and after school! I think the younger generatton of women know this, because mnay of THEIR mothers were trying to climb the corproate ladder and weren't there for them.

mary at 9:49PM on Jun 9th 2008

4. Just spend quality time with your kids whether you are at a paid job or work at home. Nothing can be better than quality time.

We advocate for parental choice without financial hardship. Parents are the ones who should choose what is right for their kids.

Sara Landriault at 9:54PM on Jun 9th 2008

5. Sara,
Your comments show exactly what is wrong today.
Parents choose what is "right" for their kids. Guess what? Kids want their parents! And, yes, their "Mommy," availablr to them as often as possible.
How much "quality time" does a working mother have after dealing with paid work all day and traffic home, to then deal with children, and the endless jobs associated with the "house."
By 5 p.m. I've been available 1 1/2 hours to my children after school, downloaded their day, outlined our night plans (sports, etc.) Think quantity time doesn't matter? Ask a teacher. Or your child.
A friend of mine has a nice term for kids looking for reassurance. "Pinging." Like radar pinging for nearby submarines, a child, especially a young one, will simply ping throughout the day. "Mom? Mom?"
"Yes."
"OK."
And all is well.
It's been an unfortunate lie that women can have it all. I would say have it all, but not all at the same time.

mary at 10:31PM on Jun 9th 2008

6. Interestingly enough, most working mothers are also worth more than they're paid. I'd bet that I qualify as my job + my own administrative assistant + my own accountant, as well as being my own housecleaner, chef and laundress.

Mary, I bet your kids really do appreciate your presence. My kid loves the fact that she has healthcare, a roof over her head, dinner every night and a college fund. To each her own.

Thanks for your writing, Ada.

Joanie at 10:46PM on Jun 9th 2008

7. Joanie,

By pushing the conversation way over the edge (would your child really be homeless and hungry and working on a garbage truck some day if you stayed home?), you try to shut the conversation down. It's a shame.
I need to speak the truth, and in today's politically correct environment, everyone tiptoes around "truth" for fear of "offense." On another topic -- regarding Muslim terrorists -- this will get us killed.
Bottom line -- what's best for your child, for any child? Going to daycare with strangers or being with Mommy or Daddy, their frist and best teachers.
While there are certainly cases where a mother MUST work (widowed, unavoidable divorce), most mothers who work, that I know, do it for many other reasons.
A lot of stay at home mothers I know make many decisions and sacrifies to keep themselves in the home for the benefit of their whole family. We're not rich!
Since the 80s it's been this "I'm OK, You're OK" type of mentality. "Do what feels good and rigth for you."

Well, I think our children are paying that price.

mary at 11:20PM on Jun 9th 2008

8. I totally agree with you Joanie. We have sacrificed our children to the Gottahaveit God. When you made the decision to bring a child into the world, I don't think the option of some one else raising it should be available. We are teaching our kids that the important things in Life are designer clothes and shoes that are priced well beyond thier craftsmanship. Why would someone pay to wear another persons name? Running as fast as we can dragging them behind us, and then wonder why they grow up being damaged. Kids need to cuddle and be accepted for who they are. Not warehoused at an Industrial DayCare that touts a second language. They are subjected to pecking order and expected to thrive. Well brains do not florish in that environment, Not in a good way. They learn survival!Americas youth is going down the tubes, And it will cost all of us a price that we as a nation cannot afford to pay.

Diana at 12:33AM on Jun 10th 2008

9. It seems like several of the first ladies leaving comments assume that being a stay at home mom is possible for everyone. While it may be nice to have a supporting parent at home for a child, sometimes that is just not possible. For single mothers and even just for families living on the edge of poverty, stay at home parenting is often a luxury they cannot afford.

K at 10:49AM on Jun 10th 2008

10. Oh, Sorry. Mary, Your the one I agree with. I looked at the wrong name. As far as health care and all that, Joan, does your husband not have a job. Things are differant for a single mom.

Diana at 12:41AM on Jun 10th 2008

11. Shut up, Diana. You're self-righteousness is deafening-even in print. You don't know Joanie-so why judge her or any other mother who works outside the home? Who the hell are you to decide the way mothers should raise their children? You don't strike me as very intelligent- I hope you're not home schooling those kids you're possibly smothering.

You and Mary go ahead and raise your daughters to be dependent on a husband's salary and teach them the only worthwhile job a mother should hold is wiping noses or bottoms. And teach them that if they have to work outside the home to take care of their family- they're just being materialistic and their children will be worse off for it. Stupid cow.

Lisa at 4:12AM on Jun 10th 2008

12. Chick Fight!!!!

Captain Negative at 4:35AM on Jun 10th 2008

13. Lol, whats up with Lisa?

Anyway... As a man, if it was possible to have ME home without financial hardship I would certainly do it. It's not about gender roles anymore like its been in the past.

It's about wanting better for your kids. When I was growing up, both of my parents had to work and my mom struggled to find someone to take care of me everyday.

It got to the point where one day an undependable babysitter did not pick me up from school on a rainy day, I ended up running home and contracting pneumonia.

I'd like to think I would have more childhood memories with my parents but I really dont and its something I would not wish on my future children.

Now, I turned around alright for not having a primary parent to really take care of me but I do think I would have been better off by having one parent home.

It's not about a man or a woman staying, its about one parent staying.

Vic at 6:01AM on Jun 10th 2008

14. I stayed at home with my 4 daughters until the last one was in school. At that point I thought I could resume my career and did for 7 years. Once my oldest began high school, she decided she was gay, started drinking, smoking and shoplifting. This is a child with an IQ of 160 who had never been in any kind of trouble, not even a mark in her daily planner. I promptly quit my job to be home in the afternoon to keep an eye on her. She's made a remarkable change that I attribute to my being "present" in her life again.

What I find sad about this commentary is that once again, working moms are pitted against stay at home moms. We're all just trying to find our way and could support one another instead of the insults. I've found that parenting is like the 12 step program, one day at a time, one decision at a time and you do the best you can.

Linda at 7:57AM on Jun 10th 2008

15. I would like to see a reorganization of the economy that allows all women the option of remaining home. No one should be forced to leave their child. The saddest legacy of the Feminist Movement is that it made women without a career feel inferior. Having a career does not make you a more successful human being. Many assumptions were made by leaders in the Feminist Movement regarding women's lives; not everyone woman was angry at being a mother and wife. Many of my friends have opted to remain at home. We are all children of the seventies.

janesophie1 at 10:47AM on Jun 10th 2008