It's important to speak the truth about the dead, but maybe not the whole truth, and especially not in an obituary. Strollerderby has the full text of a scathing obit that ran recently in the Napa/Sonoma Times-Herald.
An excerpt: Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing.
Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of those times too. But I truly believe at the end of the day ALL of us will really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing and learning to be a family again.
You can read the rest here. Talk about a family that should have started therapy decades ago. It's really sad that the obit's author disliked her mother so much, but it still feels gauche to air the family's dirty laundry in print like that.
What do you think of this hyper-honest obit: noble or tacky?
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Worst Obituary Ever?
Posted Aug 22nd 2008 10:05PM by Ada Calhoun
Filed under: Bizarre, Children
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Reader Comments ( Page 1 of 3)
1. Well, at least she left out the stuff about the peanut butter and the monkeys when the carnival came to town.
Clif Kuplen at 10:17PM on Aug 22nd 2008
2. i'm not sure if these comments are noble or tacky........it depends on how this dolores person really acted towards that family and if it was that bad than than maybe it was noble but also putting family business and purposely degrade someone who is not on this earth anymore is just wrong in it's and this family just need a little growing up to do
Drey at 12:15PM on Aug 24th 2008
3.
Makes you wonder what the lady was like. The obituary was not the treacle you usually see.
JefFlyingV at 10:44PM on Aug 22nd 2008
4.
If you read the comments in the referenced article, someone called "I knew Dolores" said:
"This is an obituary written by angry children who had been banished from Dolores home due to their drug use and illegal behavior. They were not allowed to come in and ruin the little lives they dropped off at Dolores door.
Tune in soon to see the truth about her life. I'm sure the truth will come out.
Shame on them."
This obituary is possibly not noble. Makes you wonder what the "truth" is.
This is weird at 12:16AM on Aug 23rd 2008
5. Dolores was a child abusing skank. She paid 25 cents to her kids if they would kiss her in public so that other people would think she was a decent person. Of course her children turned out f*cked up drug users. Who's fault was that? HERS!
Master Shake at 1:24AM on Aug 23rd 2008
6. Aside from an anonymous claim by someone on the site that they knew her and charged the kids with being druggies, I wonder if anyone real and identifiable defended her? The newspaper had to pull the obit because of overwhelming comments, I wish we knew what they said. She seems to have left a lot of descendents, did ANY of her children, grandchildren, etc. make a public statement refuting this? If not, it's probably true. If every one of the people who know you best think you're cruel, rotten, abusive and evil, you've done something to deserve it. As to printing it publicly? I don't think they should have done it, if only for their own dignity. I can understand the desire to have the last word, though.
Jude at 6:45AM on Aug 23rd 2008
7. This is sick. I think the newspaper should have refused to print it. I see from this obituary that Delores had 9 children: 7 survivors and 2 whose death preceded hers. I just wonder if with such a large family she found the need to be very strict to maintain some order in the house. Some people rebel against strict parents.
Valerie at 9:30AM on Aug 23rd 2008
8. I cannot believe the newspaper ran that. I do the obits for the paper I work for, and our policy is to always put obits in a certain format and follow a certain pattern, no matter how they arrive to us. (For example, a lot of the obits come in saying "Mr. Smith went home to be with the Lord" and we change it to "Mr. Smith died on such and such date.") Shame on the paper for printing that, moreso than shame on the idiot relatives who wrote it!
Karen at 10:21AM on Aug 23rd 2008
9.
It says more about the people who wrote it than the person it was written about. Impugning a dead person doesn't hurt the dead person. But it does show the character of the writer - screams of an abusive person.
ex-christian at 11:15AM on Aug 23rd 2008
10. My mother used to say, "If you can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything".
Bob at 12:38PM on Aug 23rd 2008
11. Do not confuse the word 'honest' with cruelty, spite, and the compulsive need to grind one's personal axes on the backs of those unable to fight back. That's happening far too often these days, for some reason.
Jennifer at 4:53PM on Aug 23rd 2008
12. Reading the obituary...
I'll bet most of her survivors are just bitter about the goofy names she gave them.
R.I.P. Dolores.
Captain Negative at 4:55PM on Aug 23rd 2008
13. Here is verification about the truth about this in Snopes if you would like to read more:
http://www.snopes.com/media/iftrue/obituary.asp
sharon at 10:07PM on Aug 23rd 2008
14.
Karen... I think it is wrong of your paper to alter the wording of obituaries in the manner you described. Despite my being agnostic, I think if a family wants to say that their loved one "went home to be with the Lord," then it isn't the paper's place to secularize the obit.
Doofus at 11:16PM on Aug 23rd 2008
15. To me the obit shows nothing less than the pitiful nature of those she left behind! They sound like a bunch of self centered brats to me!
falling at 8:51AM on Aug 24th 2008