They mop our floors, bus our tables, take care of our kids and pick our apples. Illegal aliens' lives are about working hard, and in the shadows. It's a lonely existence: far from home, putting in 15 back-breaking hours a day, before returning each night to cell-like apartments they share with other undocumented workers. Sure, once in a while they might have a cerveza with their compadres.
But rarely, if ever, do they have time to cruise for sex.
Does anyone else feel badly about this? Fanny does.
I met Fanny through my friend Ramone. Ramone manages a cake shop in Brooklyn. The shop employs a number of bakers including Pablo, an undocumented worker from Honduras. Pablo is a terrifically talented baker and a tireless worker, never a second late and always working long past closing time.
When the cake shop had its Christmas party this year, Pablo took his once-a-year break for fun. After he'd had tres or cuatro Dos Equis, Fanny and her sister Deanna waltzed in. ("Waltz" might be a little generous, since the two gorgeous sisters had already had a few of their own at another party.)
By all accounts the party was a blast. But around midnight Fanny, picking at the remains of a chocolate layer cake in back of the shop, felt a hand on her shoulder.
"It was Pablo," she said. "I don't remember what he said. But we just started making out."
This wouldn't be remarkable -- after all, they were both a little rocked -- but Fanny has a very distinctive type: tall thin and pale. (She's obsessed with basketball player Dirk Nowitzki.) Pablo is, um, not that type.
"Did you enjoy it?" I asked.
"Pablo is so sweet," she said, deflecting. "And Ramone says he works incredibly hard. And he has no family here." I could see that she felt great sympathy for him. As she described it, they made out for a while, until Pablo grabbed her hand and placed it on his crotch (over his clothes). She gently clasped his hand and withdrew it.
It was hard to tell how much Fanny enjoyed the encounter. Either way it seemed like something more than alcohol was at play: not pity, rather tribute to a good man doing a job that might otherwise go undone (even in this teetering economy) -- a man removed from his family, but sending virtually every dime back to his family. Fanny was like the canteen singer entertaining our boys overseas (with more than her voice). She was like the massage therapists who "comforted" distress emergency workers at Ground Zero in the days after 9/11.
After Fanny withdrew her hand from Pablo's crotch, Pablo quietly moved over to Deanna and put the moves on her. Deanna was less sympathetic. (Mind you, her views on immigration are somewhat to the right of Tom Tancredo's.)
"Fanny was fine with it. I was not. I don't care how hard the guy works." She rejected his advances without so much as a "no, gracias."
What do you think? Do the hard and lonely lives of undocumented workers make you more inclined to sleep with them? Or does it have no effect on you either way? Are you more like Fanny or Deanna?
Mo Rocca has appeared on a bunch of shows, including 'The Daily Show,' 'I Love the 80s,'...
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Do Illegal Aliens Deserve Extra Nookie?
Posted Jan 6th 2009 12:50AM by Mo Rocca
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Mo Rocca appears on a bunch of shows, including CBS News Sunday Morning (with the indescribably wonderful Charles Osgood), The Tonight Show on NBC, and NPR's Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! He's a sometime judge on Iron Chef and was featured on Telemundo's Amore Descarado. Last year he starred on Broadway in the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. His expose "All the President's Pets" was published by Crown in 2004.
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Reader Comments ( Page 1 of 3)
1. Oh.... I feel so sorry for these lawbreaking illegals! They have families back home in another country who they send all their money to, and will go back there as kings to their mansions that they build on the backs of American businesses. They may work hard, but, who asked them to leave their families and come here illegally? We already give them better health care than Americans,the same rights as our taxpaying citizens,allow them to destroy our school systems and hospitals to take care of them, NOW we're suppposed to take care of their sexual life too? Give me a break!
mad at 1:22PM on Jan 6th 2009
2. I just wasted 2 minutes of my attention on this dumb article.
CUSH at 1:33PM on Jan 6th 2009
3. Love ya, Mo (Really!) I have to admit - if he was cute - I'd be a Fanny. I've always had an alturistic nature. And that includes cute nerds with glasses - they deserve nookie, too!
Celiene at 1:48PM on Jan 6th 2009
4. Mo, they're getting TONS of nookie, problem being is that it's "unprotected" nookie. There are sings of all that nookie in the form of multiple "little ones" everywhere.
David at 2:24PM on Jan 6th 2009
5.
I would not want Pablo to put my hand on his crotch.
Fanny, on the other hand, could do much more than touch me ;-)
Yes, I think a good hard worker is very attractive, no matter from where she originates.
mac at 2:46PM on Jan 6th 2009
6. How to solve illegals. Everyone, male AND female should register, REGISTER for Draft at 16. Since most positions are computer related, have you noticed the blur of fingers on a girl texting??? Without that, they are NOT entitled to any form of Social Service INCLUDING school lunches. There was no immigration problem in the 60s. Why, cause there was a draft. If you don't want to fight for this country, why should you rape the benefits. Yes I did say RAPE, not reap
Bob K at 3:25PM on Jan 6th 2009
7. I think Fanny, Deanna and Ramone sound like they're TOTES fun to hang out with!
M at 4:19PM on Jan 6th 2009
8. YES THATS 2 MINUTES I'LL NEVER GET BACK
WILL at 5:23PM on Jan 6th 2009
9. I think this is what's wrong with our country .We face many challenges in the days to come ,so why can't we ignore this crap { It has no relevance to anything that's important to anyone } . Who cares if aliens are having sex !!!!!! How about who in Washington is squandering our money ? I'd rather hear more about that !!!!
Mo Rocca you are an idiot !!!!!!!!!!!
Sean at 5:30PM on Jan 6th 2009
10.
The bullshit is getting pretty deep there, Mo.
JillJG at 5:43PM on Jan 6th 2009
11. From the title of the article, I thought it was going to expose yet another democrat entitlement program for which we were being taxed.
URKiddinMee at 6:43PM on Jan 6th 2009
12.
This has to be the stupidest thing I have read. What is the point of the article? Who cares about the sex life, or lack of, some illegal alien who is breaking our laws by being here? I don't care if he works 23 hours a day with a one hour lunchbreak. He should go gay, he would have no problem getting it then.
DM at 6:33PM on Jan 6th 2009
13. Ew.
Firstly, illegals have no problem getting some azz. How do u think they send their free time? Twiddling their thumbs? Most of them get drunk as a skunk and screw anything with a hole (lierally. I've heard about Mexican guys having gang sex on a Mexican guy. and the dude did it willingly. ew). But anyways, how do u think they are the largest minority group in the United States? Hell, it aint by practicing celibacy. They screw non freakin stop.
Bu anyways, this article was gay. And I have to agree with Deanna. No gracias, senor!
Simply Real at 7:10PM on Jan 6th 2009
14. I know that I like illegal alien nookie, so I can't very well criticize them now can I?
Hey, it's a tangent, but...
Funny Video Contest!
All are invited to participate!
http://saintbrianthegodless.blogspot.com/2009/01/funniest-film-clip-contest.html
(Make me laugh, I dare you)
Saint Brian the Godless at 7:39PM on Jan 6th 2009
15. California is the welfare capital of the world, 39% of Americas welfare. 26.8% of California's welfare is ILLEGAL aliens. Feel sorry for them? You gotta be kiddin me?!?!?!?!?!
As a homeless single mom, I hate them and want them all to learn english, get a real job, or get out. Then maybe I could get some help from the 40% of my severence pay uncle sam stole to support these losers.
Ann at 7:44PM on Jan 6th 2009