They mop our floors, bus our tables, take care of our kids and pick our apples. Illegal aliens' lives are about working hard, and in the shadows. It's a lonely existence: far from home, putting in 15 back-breaking hours a day, before returning each night to cell-like apartments they share with other undocumented workers. Sure, once in a while they might have a cerveza with their compadres.
But rarely, if ever, do they have time to cruise for sex.
Does anyone else feel badly about this? Fanny does.
I met Fanny through my friend Ramone. Ramone manages a cake shop in Brooklyn. The shop employs a number of bakers including Pablo, an undocumented worker from Honduras. Pablo is a terrifically talented baker and a tireless worker, never a second late and always working long past closing time.
When the cake shop had its Christmas party this year, Pablo took his once-a-year break for fun. After he'd had tres or cuatro Dos Equis, Fanny and her sister Deanna waltzed in. ("Waltz" might be a little generous, since the two gorgeous sisters had already had a few of their own at another party.)
By all accounts the party was a blast. But around midnight Fanny, picking at the remains of a chocolate layer cake in back of the shop, felt a hand on her shoulder.
"It was Pablo," she said. "I don't remember what he said. But we just started making out."
This wouldn't be remarkable -- after all, they were both a little rocked -- but Fanny has a very distinctive type: tall thin and pale. (She's obsessed with basketball player Dirk Nowitzki.) Pablo is, um, not that type.
"Did you enjoy it?" I asked.
"Pablo is so sweet," she said, deflecting. "And Ramone says he works incredibly hard. And he has no family here." I could see that she felt great sympathy for him. As she described it, they made out for a while, until Pablo grabbed her hand and placed it on his crotch (over his clothes). She gently clasped his hand and withdrew it.
It was hard to tell how much Fanny enjoyed the encounter. Either way it seemed like something more than alcohol was at play: not pity, rather tribute to a good man doing a job that might otherwise go undone (even in this teetering economy) -- a man removed from his family, but sending virtually every dime back to his family. Fanny was like the canteen singer entertaining our boys overseas (with more than her voice). She was like the massage therapists who "comforted" distress emergency workers at Ground Zero in the days after 9/11.
After Fanny withdrew her hand from Pablo's crotch, Pablo quietly moved over to Deanna and put the moves on her. Deanna was less sympathetic. (Mind you, her views on immigration are somewhat to the right of Tom Tancredo's.)
"Fanny was fine with it. I was not. I don't care how hard the guy works." She rejected his advances without so much as a "no, gracias."
What do you think? Do the hard and lonely lives of undocumented workers make you more inclined to sleep with them? Or does it have no effect on you either way? Are you more like Fanny or Deanna?
Mo Rocca has appeared on a bunch of shows, including 'The Daily Show,' 'I Love the 80s,'...
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Do Illegal Aliens Deserve Extra Nookie?
Posted Jan 6th 2009 12:50AM by Mo Rocca
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Mo Rocca appears on a bunch of shows, including CBS News Sunday Morning (with the indescribably wonderful Charles Osgood), The Tonight Show on NBC, and NPR's Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! He's a sometime judge on Iron Chef and was featured on Telemundo's Amore Descarado. Last year he starred on Broadway in the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. His expose "All the President's Pets" was published by Crown in 2004.
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Reader Comments ( Page 2 of 3)
16. Talk about Fanny bail-out!
No habla at 7:48PM on Jan 6th 2009
17. Man, I just don't know ! They come here in their strange looking UFOs , abduct out girls against their will, have their way with them, And we are supposed to grant them more favors with our women? Let them get their own nookie back home wherever they came from and leave our women alone !
BearStar55 at 7:54PM on Jan 6th 2009
18. These people are having undocumented nookie so it's hard to track this stuff, Mo.
noodlehead at 8:01PM on Jan 6th 2009
19. MO..
How desperate for a story can you get?
You had to make this up.
Trust me on this....I will never ...
ever again, read your crap.
kitty at 8:24PM on Jan 6th 2009
20. Yeah, the guy obviously cares deeply about his family back home that he "supports" while he's making out with other women here.
Mark at 9:11PM on Jan 6th 2009
21. Mr. Rocca, and please forgive me readers, is an absolute douche bag. His credibility is clouded by his smarmy attempts at witticism and periodic flashes of regurgitated current event intelligence. I would suggest he try kids programming but I wouldn't want my kids watching him any more than what Pee Wee actually did on his off days. Someone can this clown, please.
david at 9:50PM on Jan 6th 2009
22. Mo, you indubitably have the most eccentric friends. And there is no need to worry about illegal immigrants and their libidinous desires; sexual intercourse should be performed for love, and not pity. However, in our modern decadent society, attaining that physiological satisfaction is not a matter of difficulty. I have a cousin who came to the US from Colombia some years ago, and he already has a 2-year old daughter with some random woman; I do not pose as criticism, but simply to demonstrate that the issue is simply one of responsibility.
Rebecca at 10:37PM on Jan 6th 2009
23. Welcome to the blog, new readers. I'm not surprised that this topic has provoked such passionate response. Illegal aliens and sex are both hot button topics.
Keep on weighing in!
Mo Rocca at 10:55PM on Jan 6th 2009
24. MY HEART BLEEDS FOR THE ILLEGAL NOT GETTING ANY TRIM...BUT MY HEAD HURTS FROM READING THIS B.S. FROM THIS HO MO ROCCA DUDE. WHERE IS THE TALENT??? THIS JACK-OFF SUCKS.CRAWL BACK INTO YOUR HOLE YOU AGGIT.
What T Hefuk at 11:38PM on Jan 6th 2009
25. CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED TO DINESH D'SUZA ? I MISS HIS IRRATIONAL RANTING ABOUT GOD AND RELIGION.
Daniel Mullane at 12:22AM on Jan 7th 2009
26. I feel sorry not for the undocumented people but for those who hate, and despise this hard working community. No wonder this country and the world is becoming rotten, putrid,and inauspicious because of the way the perfect citizens think of.
Dulce Hassan at 1:20AM on Jan 7th 2009
27. SO MO - - - WHERE'S D.D.?
Daniel Mullane at 1:29AM on Jan 7th 2009
28. Ann...."as a homeless, single mom" should you be spending your free time reading Mo Rocca articles and letting everyone know what a hateful, angry person you are? Shouldn't YOU be working? Oh....and homeless? Where do you keep your computer?
While I agree this was a pretty strange little article Mo, I am disturbed by the amount of fear, anger, and blatant prejudice this piece illicited.
Lorraine at 1:39AM on Jan 7th 2009
29. "No tengo mas que darte"
- That '100 Years of Solitude' Guy who I always found tedious & boring, but from whom I extrapilated (sp?) that excellent quote.
Even *I* can't save you on this 1, Mr. Rocca.
Not just because I don't know how to use the tildas & accents on my keyboard.
You seem to be phoning it in????
Sherry
S.L. at 3:28AM on Jan 7th 2009
30. Oh, but lest Me Ferget...
David... That's Mr. *MR.* Rocca, to you.
I can't have some *maverick* claiming my Mr. Rocca fire hydrant.
Hmph.
Mine apologies, Mr. Rocca.
I simply cannot abide that.
Sherry
S.L. at 3:34AM on Jan 7th 2009