You expressed such interest on the subject of gnarly feet and flip-flops that I had no choice but to hit the streets and investigate further. (This is closer to the street than I've ever come as a reporter.).





The identities of the feet's owners have been protected. Otherwise they never would have agreed to be interviewed.

Easter came early this year. This morning the Ped Egg arrived!!




I'm thinking of singing more songs to the percussive scrape and saw of my Ped Egg.

UPDATE:

I'm in Chicago to record Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me! Unfortunately I couldn't carry the Ped Egg on to the plane. Is the FAA going too far?!

Over the last few days I've been felled by a nasty, vicious, EVIL flu. Aching, throbbing and in a state of delirium I switched on the TV this morning at about 8am. What I saw was an ad that both thrilled and revolted me. To make sure I wasn't dreaming it all, I recorded it. The ad isn't available for embedding, so I've copied it off my DVR for you:



The ad for the Ped Egg had me at the start. My heart went out to the second woman (the one with the polka-dotted duvet) who looks up from her embarrassing feet and finds a camera crew in her bedroom. I would've flung more than a pillow!

But in a flash my indignation turned to enchantment. The Ped Egg is simply gorgeous. A lovely egg-shaped cheese grater that offers affordable and non-violent means towards "smooth, beautiful feet." The design of the Ped Egg is obviously inspired by Ying and Yang, a visual reminder of the unity of opposites that characterize any discussion of feet: attraction and revulsion.

Revulsion, in fact, might be too soft a word for my next reaction when, 30 seconds into the ad, one Ped Egg user (face concealed understandably) blithely dumps her foot "filings" into what looks like a saucepan. This is depraved. The woman is emptying her unwanted flesh as casually as she cleans out her pencil sharpener!

Do some people get off on this? Are there really that many necro-pedo-freaks in the world? I'm afriad I know the answer. Just take a gander at this Ped Egg Porn (a soon to be booming sub-genre) I found on YouTube:



Notice how the ladies fetishistically pour their filed flesh onto the black velvet. Obviously this stuff is worth more than zirconium, we're meant to think. I'm surprised they don't draw a line with it and snort it.

So what do you think? Do you believe that the Ped Egg can change feet so sweepingly? Or are some feet beyond helping?

Full disclosure: I'm going to call and order the Ped Egg. I just can't turn down that 2-for-1 offer. Rest assured, I'll be giving one of my Ped Eggs (the unused one) away during our next contest.

My article on gnarly feet and flip-flops elicited a flood of wide-ranging responses.

The most provocative comment came from "Tina," who wrote:

"I wonder what Jesus' toe nails looked like. But anyway, all you men out there , if you want to get laid get well groomed! Put your best foot forward, not your turkey claws. Get a pedicure!"

Here is what I wrote in response:

"Jesus' toenails is a subject fairly unexplored until now. (A quick google search on "Jesus' toenails" yielded little - mainly questions about the appropriateness of coloring the toenails of the baby Jesus in your creche.) The Jesus in the church I grew up in had unremarkable toenails, largely because he was fairly tan, the lighting was dim, and small features like toenails just blended in.

If anyone was familiar with Jesus' toenails, it was likely Mary Magdalene. She did after all wash his feet. The Gospels tell us little more than that. Did Mary Magdalene bring along a nail care set and give his feet a quick trim? Perhaps. (I'm not well versed in the Apocryphal books which could very well offer clues.)

It's perfectly plausible that Mary Magdalene would offer these services. Once she stopped hooking for a living, she needed to make a decent living somehow. Simply washing feet offered little remuneration.

By the way, am I the only one that thinks "Jesus' Toenails" sounds like Carrie Underwood's next hit song?"

I expected that to be the end of it. But then came this comment from "Kaycie":

"Okay, Mo, check your facts. Mary Magdalene was not a hooker. Bet her feet were pretty, though."

Strange, I thought. Of course Mary Magdalene was a hooker. But then came this comment from Denise:

"BTW, Mary M, was NOT a hooker! You really shouldn't bring religion into a conversation open to every religion. Its offending to me that you woudn't get the facts about a Biblical Character before you comment like that. With all of the recent studies and programs revolving around the relationship between Jesus and Mary M, I find it disheartening people still think that of her.
Thanks for reading my comment."

I'm sorry, Denise, but in my house we were taught that Mary Magdalene was a prostitute before she met Jesus and repented. But perhaps we were misinformed.

So what's the truth here?

I am thrilled by the outpouring in response to my article on gnarly feet and flip-flops. Obviously this topic has been ignored for far too long by the MSM.

Food and Flip-flops was a big issue with "Jack Faxx" and "E" and "Sandy." This from "Sandy":
"Recently, I was in a resturant enjoying my meal when a man wearing flip-flops was seated at the table next to mine. His feet looked wet and sweaty, and needless to say, I couldn't eat another bite of my dinner, I was just too grossed out."

"T. Miles" conjured a disturbing image that every parent should be alerted to:
"Yeah I just hate the toes that throw up gang signs and other offensive gestures. I live in NYC and usually the men with the toes that looked like they have been through a meat grinder, are usually the most flirtatious. Ewww!"

Toes through meat grinders is grisly enough, but exposed toes used for gang recruitment is a new front in organized crime. Neighborhood Watch programs should take notice and start looking at feet. Thanks for the heads up.

It's a topic that makes most people uncomfortable: Feet. Many will wince when the subject comes up. Others will blush. Still others will feign indifference. But all of us have strong and usually complicated thoughts on the subject. (Full disclosure: It's a subject that's arisen more than once between me and my psychotherapist.)

The grand sartorial arrival of flip-flops has liberated many of us to talk more openly about feet. It seems that just about everyone is wearing some sort of sandal these days.

But should they?

I just returned from Home Depot. (So strange that 3/8" drill bits only come separately, not part of a set.) And I saw more than a few pairs of feet that made me want to - what's the word? - vomit. (I made a vow to my readers to be candid, so there you go.)