It's been at least a couple of weeks since I've seriously thought about Jennifer Aniston's personal happiness. I've been pretty busy.
Anyway I just got off a plane in Salt Lake City where I'm taping NPR's Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me tonight. I didn't sleep much last night, but even through bleary eyes I couldn't help but notice at one of the airport terminal newsstands the headline on this week's People Magazine: Jen's New Man.
It turns out that Jennifer Aniston has for weeks been dating Paul Sculfor, a British male model (two years her junior) and friend of David and Victoria Beckham's.
In the past I've chosen to believe that Jennifer sincerely wants to find happiness. If this is the case, an intervention is in order.
Let's be blunt: How in the hell does she expect to find happiness with this guy? Jennifer needs someone will love her for who she is and empathize. But, forgive the cliche, she also needs someone to "complete" her and open her up to the world outside her depressingly shallow and cloistered (maybe even paranoid) version of the world.
My immediate thought was: She should date an engineer. An engineer from Cal Tech. Yes, "Friends" was a wildly popular TV show. But at its height it was regularly watched by 40 million people. America has 300 million people. Surely there are a lot of successful attractive people who never saw Friends and are only vaguely aware of who she is. An engineer from Cal Tech who never watched Friends (at least intentionally) could be perfect.
Naturally he'd want to catch an episode in syndication with her after they'd begun dating. He'd be interested in why she gets mobbed wherever she goes. He'd be mildly amused by the episode, maybe only because it would be a kick to see his girlfriend in a goofy sitcom. More importantly, once the episode was over, he'd suggest they go on a hike or make pizza or have sex. And he'd probably never watch another episode. This would put Jennifer's fame in perspective, something she needs. She'd be surprised, and ultimately grateful for, the casualness with which her Cal Tech engineer boyfriend would treat her career.
It was my intention to ask readers if they had any leads on single Cal Tech engineers. (If you do, please write and let us know!) But then Susan Kropf, the director of development for Salt Lake City public radio station KUER, picked me up outside the airport. (KUER is the host for this taping of Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me.)
I immediately raised the topic of Jennifer's male model misfire. Susan agreed that Jennifer and the model are destined to fail. And guess what? Their sex is and will remain lousy for the duration of their liaison. Presumably they'll have mirrors on their ceiling so they can worship themselves, Susan pointed out. (I love when public radio people get randy.)
I told Susan that I have it on good authority - and I do - that a certain former Miss America who is married to a ridiculously good looking guy has been complaining that her husband insists on inviting a third person in whenever they have sex. Apparently these two beautiful people (who may only be together because they're both beautiful) can't find satisfaction with just each other. (By the way the former Miss America is not Kate Shindle, currently starring in Legally Blonde: The Musical and a very nice person.)
Anyway Susan is married to a scientist and let's just say it sounds like her marriage is great. She thinks that Jennifer should date a scientist, specifically an ecologist. So I've expanded my alternatives for Jennifer to Science and Engineering, two closely related departments. Either way, Jennifer will discover how big the world really is. And so...
Anyway I just got off a plane in Salt Lake City where I'm taping NPR's Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me tonight. I didn't sleep much last night, but even through bleary eyes I couldn't help but notice at one of the airport terminal newsstands the headline on this week's People Magazine: Jen's New Man.
In the past I've chosen to believe that Jennifer sincerely wants to find happiness. If this is the case, an intervention is in order.
Let's be blunt: How in the hell does she expect to find happiness with this guy? Jennifer needs someone will love her for who she is and empathize. But, forgive the cliche, she also needs someone to "complete" her and open her up to the world outside her depressingly shallow and cloistered (maybe even paranoid) version of the world.
My immediate thought was: She should date an engineer. An engineer from Cal Tech. Yes, "Friends" was a wildly popular TV show. But at its height it was regularly watched by 40 million people. America has 300 million people. Surely there are a lot of successful attractive people who never saw Friends and are only vaguely aware of who she is. An engineer from Cal Tech who never watched Friends (at least intentionally) could be perfect.
Naturally he'd want to catch an episode in syndication with her after they'd begun dating. He'd be interested in why she gets mobbed wherever she goes. He'd be mildly amused by the episode, maybe only because it would be a kick to see his girlfriend in a goofy sitcom. More importantly, once the episode was over, he'd suggest they go on a hike or make pizza or have sex. And he'd probably never watch another episode. This would put Jennifer's fame in perspective, something she needs. She'd be surprised, and ultimately grateful for, the casualness with which her Cal Tech engineer boyfriend would treat her career.
It was my intention to ask readers if they had any leads on single Cal Tech engineers. (If you do, please write and let us know!) But then Susan Kropf, the director of development for Salt Lake City public radio station KUER, picked me up outside the airport. (KUER is the host for this taping of Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me.)
I immediately raised the topic of Jennifer's male model misfire. Susan agreed that Jennifer and the model are destined to fail. And guess what? Their sex is and will remain lousy for the duration of their liaison. Presumably they'll have mirrors on their ceiling so they can worship themselves, Susan pointed out. (I love when public radio people get randy.)
I told Susan that I have it on good authority - and I do - that a certain former Miss America who is married to a ridiculously good looking guy has been complaining that her husband insists on inviting a third person in whenever they have sex. Apparently these two beautiful people (who may only be together because they're both beautiful) can't find satisfaction with just each other. (By the way the former Miss America is not Kate Shindle, currently starring in Legally Blonde: The Musical and a very nice person.)
Anyway Susan is married to a scientist and let's just say it sounds like her marriage is great. She thinks that Jennifer should date a scientist, specifically an ecologist. So I've expanded my alternatives for Jennifer to Science and Engineering, two closely related departments. Either way, Jennifer will discover how big the world really is. And so...
