Okay, this is it. No more mocking beauty queens after Labor Day. I told myself, "one post about this is enough." However, on Friday Bill Maher took this joke to another level. Check it out:

The media went nuts mocking and giving their own take on Miss Teen SC, but the President of the United States isn't that articulate himself. For a complete list of Bushisms, check out this Slate.com posting.

Coincidentally, this next Bushism was performed in South Carolina.

"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"-Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

Just a quick post to present the prizes in the Miss South Carolina Word Scramble.

Kal, here once again is your Kung Fu t-shirt. The black is velvet, so you may want a black light to maximize the effect. (There must be another blog-based contest with a black light prize.)


Themkickingpoe (nee Robyn), here are two views of the Jerry Van Dyke Malt Shop tee I picked up when I interviewed him down in Arkansas for The Daily Show. (He'd converted a bathhouse into a "cafe and soda shoppe." I'm not kidding.) The front view:

The back is much better:

It's oversize, yes, and I've slept in it a few times.

Blayze - yes, of course you may have the t-shirt with the caricature of me:



I mistakenly said the kids at UT made it; it was actually the program board from Case Western in Cleveland. Great kids. They brought me to Lake View Cemetery so that I could photograph myself in front of James Garfield's grave:



Garfield was amazing: he could write Latin in one hand and Greek in the other - at the same time!! I can't believe he was gunned down.

Kal, Robyn and Blayze, send a mailing address to moroccablog@aol.com. Everyone else, thanks for taking part in a great contest.

Marsha, thanks for the compliment on my Leno piece.
Marta, congrats on starting your own blog.
Miguel, thanks for sharing your story and charitable effort in the comments section of an earlier post.

Oh, I'm going to be on CBS Sunday Morning tomorrow delivering a commentary. Okay, I'm hungry and have to go eat something...

UPDATE: WE HAVE A WINNER(S)!!!

***

Wow! Major thanks for over 750 submissions to unscramble Miss South Carolina's answer to Aimee Teegarden's stumper last weekend. (Remember: The winner gets my Kung Fu t-shirt. Worn only twice!)

The answers ranged wildly in creativity and coherence. The finalists demonstrated adeptness with both - and a future in military intelligence. (I wonder how many of the submissions came from former WWII code breakers.)

FIRST SOME HONORABLE MENTIONS:

"Kay In Cal" brought Miss SC to life with stage directions. A perfect evening of light theater:

"Have maps? That should help. [laugh knowingly]

In the future, the people out there (such as Africa, the Asian countries... everywhere) and here should help our able Americans to build up our U.S. education. For I-and we-should be the help.

Some are unable to do so personally, such as over in south Iraq or in South Africa, because they don't like our nation. And so will Iraq like that? Uh-uh. [shake head]

I believe in the U.S. and our education; and I believe that the U.S should believe. [smile. wave.]"


"Sokiemae" transported Miss SC to the Far East, in the form of a haiku:

"Our Americans
They don't believe in maps like
Asian countries and

Our able nation
Should help our education
to build the future

Should people here help
I believe the U.S. should
everywhere we are

Help the unable
South Africa and Iraq
Have education

Because there will be
some that believe the U.S.
should such as I do"


"themkickingpoe" brought a visual flair. (As the writer put it, "notice the overriding message spelled out by the first letter in each row. Coincidence? Or is there more to Miss Teen SC than meets the eye?"):

"I like our
nation, and

they should
have some
education over here.

Should I believe in so-so South Africa,
or the Asian countries such as that Iraq? In the
u.s., we believe that
the U.S. should
help the U.S.

I do believe that

americans and the South are able
to build our
education...

and unable to help,

like, uh, Africa
out
there. And,

our
future and
maps,
uh,
don't personally help

people up... such as in
iraq.
everywhere
should be for our will. Because."

[Briliant, but she used more words than Miss SC did - hence her honorable mention.]


"Homer Glumplick" had one of the first best lines:

"Help! I, I don't like Asian people or maps!"


But there could only be six finalists... (I couldn't narrow it to five.)

Great Submission to the sift by Zifnab. I've watched these Miss South Carolina clips that Mo submitted and I think this must be one of the funniest moments in beauty contest history.

I have to ask, why even bother having a Q&A segment during a beauty contests? Nobody cares what these ladies have to say and their answers don't change the outcome of the event.
Case in point: Miss South Carolina finished 3rd. (Edit: Yes it was 3rd Runner up, thanks Dustin)

Jimmy Kimmel breaks down Miss South Carolina's answer to the question, "why can't 20% of Americans locate the US on a map?"

Thanks everyone for the amazing Miss South Carolina Word Scramble submissions. I will be posting the five finalists soon, so that you can vote.

But now, late breaking: Miss South Carolina weighs in on the Larry Craig scandal.

(By the way, Larry Craig is a member of The Singing Senators, the Senate's boy band. The allegations should come as no surprise since Craig was always known as the Lance Bass of The Singing Senators.)

UPDATE: WE HAVE A WINNER(S)!!!

Miss Teen South Carolina Lauren Caitlin Upton has riveted the nation since her spectacular syntactical trainwreck last week. She may have lost the crown. (She ended up the third runner-up. You should have heard the fourth runner-up's answer!) But make no mistake, there were winners:

Aimee Teegarden, the devious questioner who deliberately threw Miss South Carolina a curve ball and came off looking like a super genius in comparison.

Mario Lopez, the host who all but licked his chops after coming face to face with the evening's easiest conquest.

ABC's Merry Miller, the "What's The Buzz" host who can finally escape the media glare after her interview of Holly Hunter. (Of course I'll be tuning in when Merry Miller interviews Miss South Carolina.)

And now you can be a winner!