Howard Bragman is a public relations expert and author of the bestseller Where's My Fifteen Minutes? He's worked with the leading lights of Hollywood, shaping - and in some cases, reshaping - images. But how radically can a celebrity reinvent him or herself?

Earlier we asked him to design a plan for O.J. Simpson to become a United National Goodwill Ambassador. Here, he lays out a blueprint for Jim Belushi to win the Nobel Peace Prize.

I am currently watching Indiana's Electoral College delegation meet in Indianapolis, as they officially cast their votes for the President of the United States. Very cool access. (How did I get such access? I simply said that the peony is my favorite flower!)

Remember, today in state capitols throughout America, the ACTUAL election for President and Veep is happening. Only 538 Americans' votes count in the end. (Makes a lot of sense, right?)

Pictures as I get them, starting with the ones below:


Here I am outside Indiana's state capitol.


My ticket to the meeting of the Electors.


The Indiana Honor Guard.


Indiana Secretary of State Todd Rokita, the man who certifies Indiana's Electors.


Indiana's 11 Electors enter

One elector and one alternate.

11 Electors and Alternates take oath to vote (for the rest of us, since our votes don't really count).
The written oath of Hope Tribble, the lovely Alternate sitting next to me.

Here I am with Hope!

This is the best: Ben Leatherbury is a 19 year old Elector. Here he is holding his diploma -- er, Elector certificate. (To think his very first vote for President will actually count.)

Elector Michelle Boxell with her certificate.

And here's Michelle's actual ballot for President!

The tally is announced. Obama wins 11-0!

Rokita's a Republican and a good sport: he applauds when Biden wins VP 11-0.

Alternate John Bonecutter signs my program!

I love the mural in the House chamber. There's one just like it in Indianapolis' Eagle!

Last week I got to sit down with comedian, actor and author Denis Leary. Denis was politically incorrect well before political incorrectness became politically correct. He's an original -- and a very nice guy.

We talked about his new book Why We Suck.

Barack Obama has placed his order for a new kind of rice: Condi's out -- and Susan's in.

Condoleezza Rice

Susan Rice

That's Susan Rice, the U.S. Ambassador-designate to the U.N. And no, she's no relation to the outgoing Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. (Place your bets now on how long reporters will point out that the two black women are not related.)

Beyond their name, ethnicity, and connections to Stanford (Susan as student, Condi as professor), there are striking parallels:

Both Rices were cultivated by Albrights -- Susan by Madeleine, Condi by Madeleine's father Josef Korbel. And as foreign policy tutors to future presidents, each Rice was an essential part of her boss' diet.

So how do the two Rices compare?

Condi Rice has always been self-possessed, sometimes rigid, with nary a movement left to chance. She's always been a Rice Pilaf. And at age 54, she's approaching Long Grain.

In October 2002 Harry Belafonte accused Condi of being a servile Uncle Ben's Rice. It was a harsh critique -- and misguided since, after all, the Mars company (which owns Uncle Ben's Rice), elevated the Uncle Ben character to Chairman of the company.

Susan Rice is younger and brasher, a former assistant Secretary of State under Clinton who stunned her former bosses by jumping ship to join the Obama campaign. Her history suggests a Wild Rice.

But because of Obama's internationalist perspective, rooted in a childhood spent in Indonesia, Susan will need to be more of a Sticky Rice, connecting with other members at the U.N. (My mother loves sticky rice with mango, but that's more Thai.)

She'll have to be tough at times, yes, but she'll also have to be sweet, not unlike this delicious rice-based dessert:


Gemblong is an Indonesian treat: deep fried sticky rice coated with caramel. Yummy!

But beware: Conservatives leery of Obama's European sympathies are concerned that Susan is more of an Orzo - pasta masquerading as rice!

It's hard to know which kind of Rice America needs right now. (The troubles in the Indian Subcontinent call for a Basmati Rice.)

NBC Chicago is reporting on the rash of Craigslist ads offering more than just money for tickets to the Obama rally in Grant Park.

Clearly Obama is arousing more than just political passion from these supporters. Is this a healthy trend for American democracy? Is a presidential candidate worth whoring oneself for? Whether or not one approves, one thing is certain: the sexualizing of Obama began early in this process.

Exhibit A: The Original Obama Girl

WARNING: THIS MATERIAL IS ADULT ... BUT SO IS VOTING FOR PRESIDENT.



And now ... the stunning conclusion...

If the latest rumor about Barack isn't enough to shake you, then check out this video of Michelle Obama:

The fallout from the banking crisis only seems to get worse. Now the U.S. Government has injected $125 billion into the 8 largest commercial banks. Are you comfortable with the government owning part of your bank? Should some banks be off-limits?

What about your Spank Bank?

Sarah Palin continues to divide the nation. But there's one thing all of us can agree on: her interview with Charlie Gibson had a definite porno vibe. And no, it's not just Palin's glasses which have been inaccurately described as "sexy librarian" specs. (I assure you, few librarians can afford $425 Kazuo Kawasaki frames. Certainly not Wasilla's actual librarian, a job more endangered than the polar bear.)

What made the encounter so porno-y was Palin's awkward scripted quality, the poor lighting (why does every piece of tape from Alaska look like a cross between a hostage video and skin flick?), and of course Palin's pouty-lipped eagerness to please. Gibson feigned irritation only added to the sexual tension.

The adult film subgenre known as Palin Porn is expected to hit the market just after Election Day. Make no mistake, fans from both parties will be stuffing this ballot box.

Which title would you like to see released first? Vote now!

(You can also suggest your own in the comments section. Warning: Let's keep this discussion respectful. Any smutty suggestions or comments will be deleted!!)

Sarah Palin

"Sarah Palin"

Tina Fey's sensational portrayal of Sarah Palin is unlike any other political impersonation ever, for one simple reason: it may very well end up defining a major political figure before that figure has defined herself.

Consider SNL's previously most celebrated impersonations. Four others leap to mind: Chevy Chase as Gerald Ford. Dana Carvey as George H.W. Bush. Will Ferrell as George W. Bush. Darrell Hammond as Al Gore.

As much as the NBC-industrial complex wants us to believe those performances affected the elections in which they appeared, I doubt it. The candidates portrayed were already firmly established in the public consciousness when they were parodied. The portrayal that stirred the most talk on the cable yakfests was Hammond's Gore. It was a revelation, highlighting Gore's condescension and his "Me, teacher! Me, teacher!" front-row ass-kissiness. Even so, there was no confusing the man and his parodist. Gore had already been Vice President for eight years.

With Tina Fey and Sarah Palin, it's different. I keep hearing people say that they're confusing Palin and Fey; that when they watched the actual debate, they kept forgetting they weren't watching Tina Fey. This isn't just a testimony to Fey's brilliant performance. It's also testimony to the McCain campaign's flawed rollout of Palin: she really was too sheltered. There's insatiable curiosity about the lady, but we're only getting dribs and drabs. TIna Fey is filling in the rest.

There are of course evident differences between the actual Sarah Palin and Tina's "Sarah Palin".

The actual Sarah Palin, while clearly unprepared for a national campaign, is consumed with ambition and may yet pull it off. She's folksy and flirtatious on the outside, steely on the inside. "Sarah Palin," on the other hand, is more daffy. She wants to rule the world, yes, but she's more of a bubblehead, easily distracted by shiny objects. She's sort of delightful.

The real Sarah Palin plows through her sentences like a Panzer through Poland, butchering innocent sentences, leaving syntactical carnage in her wake. "Sarah Palin" blithely skips from word to word with the blind faith that she'll make it to the other side of the rhetorical rapids without slipping.

The real Sarah Palin believes most of what she says. Or at least you can tell what she believes between the lines. (Her code is pretty obvious.) Meanwhile "Sarah Palin" seems more ... misguided. Somebody told her what to think and, you betcha, she's stickin' with it ... unless someone tells her to change her mind.

Perhaps the best way to understand the difference between Sarah and "Sarah" is through the lens of E!'s The Girls Next Door. The real Sarah Palin is Holly -- eyes fixed on the prize ... the prize being 82 year old Hef. (Holly, in fact, is from Alaska!) Fey's "Sarah Palin" is Bridget from The Girls Next Door. Fun is a major priority. (For those of you wondering, Kendra is a working class Democrat.)

It's been quite a ride. They've been through a lot together over the years. And now it looks like they're ready to call it quits. John McCain and the New York Times are splitting up for good.

Or are they?

The romance caught everyone by surprise when it began back in 1999. John ditched his wife Cindy and hit the road for his nationwide "Straight Talk Express" tour. It seemed like a foolhardy midlife crisis stunt: the 63 year old McCain taking on the far bigger-budgeted, more heavily-sold (if disastrously derivative) George W. Bush "Compassionate Conservative" tour. But the whole McCain enterprise had a certain Indie grit about it. (Think Credence Clearwater Revival vs. Creed.) So groupies from every major news organization climbed aboard.

What was the attraction? Well...

1. McCain was charismatic – a lot sexier than Bush.
2. Guilt abatement: the groupie-reporters felt guilty for being the children of draft dodgers, employees of draft dodgers or draft dodgers themselves.
3. In the single greatest act of journalistic passive-aggressiveness, reporters lavished praise on Republican McCain as a way of diminishing Republican Bush, thus insulating themselves from the charge of liberal bias. (In retrospect they would have done us all a favor had they come out as lefties and demolished Bush.)

Whatever the reasons, the attraction was there. And the "Straight Talk Express" became one big candidate-reporter love-in. (Outsiders understood: "Don't Come a-knockin' when the Candidate's Straight-talkin'.") Extra chlorine for this pool of reporters, stat!

But to everyone's surprise, the One he chose as his favorite – the Priscilla to his Elvis, the Lynda to his Paul, the Dale to his Roy – was the Grey Lady: the New York Times. He had known her during his days jamming with the Keating Five. Their relationship wasn't so hot then. But this time it was different.

She soon washed that grey right out of her hair, confirming what everyone suspected: they were in love. She wrote him love notes, calling him "The Maverick." He gave her "full access". All the other groupie-reporters, lacking imagination or personality or an actual budget, copied her style. But they were mere clones.

She stood by him in South Carolina, when the tour went, well, south – only weeks before John hung it up and went back to the Senate and Cindy.

The afterglow of the "Straight Talk" tour lingered, though. The two regularly met and hooked up, out of their minds on Campaign Finance Reform. (I must confess, I've tried CFR and it's just incredibly ... boring.)

But then the relationship started to get screwy. John started to make decisions that she didn't like – like supporting the Iraq War. She decided that his personality had changed, that he'd lost his cred, and she started to pull back.

Then she heard something devastating: he was seeing a lobbyist. She felt betrayed. But she wasn't going to lash out. Instead she wrote a long, long, long letter – so long, in fact, that he found out before she'd finished writing it. So he went public with his version of events first – his "He Said" trumping her "She Said."

You would've thought that would be the end of them – except that she ended up endorsing him for the GOP nomination during the primaries! A romantic rekindling? Or was this just breakup sex?

Whatever it was, it didn't last. When he ended up committing himself to the mysteriously orange-colored Sarah Palin, it was war. (Seriously, the Grey Lady may be old but that chick from Alaska is orange.) And so she ripped into Palin, apparently rendering her mute. (Has Palin lost her voice? Or is she just being ladylike refusing to respond?)

So now McCain has served her with divorce papers – a letter last week from Steve Schmidt lashing out at the Grey Lady's alleged pattern of behavior. Weird, considering they'd rendezvoused only 24 hours before for another "full access" interview.

What explains this co-dependency? Are they using each other: McCain trashing the Times to appeal to his new groupies? The Grey Lady relishing her position, as the One that can still make him nuts – the Ava Gardner to his Sinatra?

Or are they both just a little crazy?

Let's face it: this is a race between Barack Obama and Sarah Palin. Joe Biden is dead weight - a good man, perhaps, and funny at times. But he can be downright tedious - speaking in undiagrammable sentences. And McCain is ideologically rudderless - this week a maverick, last week conservative, next week a populist - all the while nervously tugging at his fingers, hoping he can hitch a ride on the Palins' DC-bound snowmobile.

If Obama wants the keys to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, he needs to take down Palin. This is a job for a woman - a woman who has already defeated Palin. Her name: Maryline Blackburn.


Obama's Last Best Hope

Blackburn was crowned Miss Alaska 1984. Sarah was 1st runner-up and Miss Congeniality. (Interesting factoid: In this year's veepstakes, Sarah took the crown and Joe Lieberman was named Miss Congeniality.)

Blackburn herself is a good omen for Obama. European-born and African-American, she describes herself on her website as an "INTERNATIONAL CITIZEN." Hardly a stereotypical "U.S.A! U.S.A!" contestant, and yet she defeated Palin in a very red state. Blackburn can provide insight into Palin's weaknesses: Does Palin blink under pressure? Is she maybe not so fit? Is she not the flutist she claims to be?

Blackburn knows better than anyone. But simply enlisting her as a supporter or adviser isn't enough at this late hour. Barack Obama should dump Biden and run with Blackburn. Why?

• Obama is good with large groups but he's not as strong in smaller town hall settings. According to her website, Blackburn can play any venue, "be it an intimate nightclub or lounge, a concert hall, an arena or a large convention."

• Obama's foreign policy bona fides were called into question after his delayed response to Russia's invasion of Georgia. This is a region Blackburn understands: her second CD "Russian Rhapsody" was a "funky, upbeat collection of pop music that Maryline co-wrote, performed and recorded in Moscow."

• For all his talk of bringing us all together, there's scant evidence of Obama working with Senate Republicans, if only because of his short time in Washington. Maryline performed for Democratic Senator Max Cleland, but also reached across the aisle to open for Republican Bob Hope.

• Obama's support from Latinos remains soft. (They went for Clinton in a big way.) Maryline has performed in Guatemala and at Barry's Place in Cancun.
  

Most importantly Maryline is a constant reminder that Sarah can be beaten. Her website says it best: "Ability. Beauty. Charisma. Energy. And a clear powerful voice that'll flat knock the earpads off your iPod." Plus she's available to campaign. (Her last gig was on June 27th at the Beluga Martini Bar in Atlanta.)

Join the movement. OBAMA-BLACKBURN!!!

(Please send all slogan suggestions. Tempus fugit. Tempus fugit. We've got posters to print!)

No, this isn't a swipe at Sarah Palin. It's my interview with Strongman Competitor Gerard Benderoth:

Yes, I'm here at the Democratic National Convention ... in Englewood, CO. Any advice? (More after the video.)


I'm headed to the Pepsi Center in a bit to get my credentials. My thoughts on Biden:

He's a serious, tenacious guy with a stirring biography. And he's charismatic. He had the funniest line in all the debates when he was forced to name his favorite thing about the opponent standing to his left - in this case, Kucinich: "Dennis, the thing I like best about you is your wife." He's good looking, too. Most people don't have HD, so they can't see his hair plugs. (Not being snarky, just realistic.)

The focus on his status as the "poorest" member of the Senate is, of course, totally misguided. The press and many Democrats still haven't figured out that most Americans want to be rich. That Biden is $300,000 in debt is hardly inspiring.

Also his Catholicism, another press obsession, is pretty irrelevant. The constant blather about working-class Catholic voters needing someone like Biden on the ticket is both condescending and just plain off-the-mark. That's because Catholicism isn't really a cultural identity like Judaism. (Filipino-Catholics have as much in common culturally with Irish-Catholics as Aleuts and Aussies.)

Most Catholics who self-identify as Catholic are practicing Catholics -- i.e., their Catholicism is defined doctrinally, not culturally. Most of these self-identified Catholics are likely to take issue with Biden's stand on abortion just as they did with Kerry. In other words, don't expect churchgoing Catholics to move in a big direction for Obama just because "one of them" is on the ticket.

***

ON THE PSYCHOANALYTIC FRONT:

Obama's startling introduction of Biden as the "next president" yesterday was more than a slip, make no mistake.



The anxiety Obama must be feeling since McCain's recent surge spilled out in that moment. Biden is meant to shore up the ticket's foreign policy cred (crucial since Russia's invasion of Georgia), yet Obama doesn't want people to think he depends on Biden in the way Bush depends on Cheney. (Biden will be a strong vice-president, yes, but not an above-the-title V.P. like Cheney.)

Likewise Biden's introduction of "Barack America" was a significant slip.



The campaign is still struggling with persistent nasty rumors that Obama isn't really American. Cementing Obama's love of country is high priority, hence the slip.

Or am I just over-therapied?

By the way, has anyone else noticed that spell check recognizes McCain but doesn't recognize Obama?

Advice from Christopher Ciccone, the man who wrote the book on dealing with a bossy older sister:



Do you have a bossy older sister? What advice do you have for a younger sibling like Chris?

Well, it's over. Last night was the last of Olympic gymnastics - and I'm feeling a major deduction in my life.

Do the Olympics really need any other sport? Weightlifting is a freak show of gruesome dislocations. Same-sex diving is certainly progressive, but it seems more like a social movement than a sport. And then there's BMX. (Can't wait for the dune buggy finals!)

But from the beginning of these games gymnastics has had it all.

First there was the saga of Alicia Sacramone, the girl who fell from the beam and cost the U.S. women's team gold. Who could forget correspondent Andrea Joyce cornering a devastated Sacramone and pushing her to the emotional brink: How did this happen? Do you feel responsible? How will you end your life? It was a chilling scene, a trembling Alicia in closeup, with Joyce's monotone pressing, pressing, pressing -- like Mrs. Danvers challenging Rebecca to jump.

And then the evil Chinese women's team.