By Jayar Jackson

Every time a big championship game is played, I wonder what it would be like to watch it with a person not involved but very personally invested in the outcome. When Lakers head coach Phil Jackson won his 9^th NBA Title as a head coach in 2002, tying legendary coach Red Auerbach's number of titles, I wondered what Auerbach was saying and thinking as the man he openly criticized as a head coach was accomplishing what he had sole possession of.

When Peyton Manning watched the Super Bowl this past season, what thoughts did he have about his conference rival Patriots going against his younger brother's Giants? Sure, he gives glowing answers to the media when they ask him about the respect he has for the guys representing Boston, but what kind of things was he saying about Tom Brady over a few beers with friends? The uninhibited trash talking fuels me; it's like the sports bet to an out-of-control gambler that makes the competition all the more exciting.

Now that former Lakers star and avid trash talker Shaquille O'Neal has voiced a few of his thoughts about Kobe Bryant's recent NBA Finals loss at the hands of the Boston Celtics, I can take one person off my "I Wonder What He Was Saying" list.

A video surfaced at the beginning of the week showing Shaq in a New York nightclub doing a freestyle rap for the fans. Let's not get into the hip hop styling of Mr. O'Neal, since it's pretty much confirmed that his lyrics,

"Once again it's time to get braggadocios, the tall human being and that's right, Shaq-a-tocios, check out my lyrical slam slam, watch me flip flam flam, I re-frack the crim-clanks, I biggity bitch the bam bam"

aren't exactly lyrically killin 'em in the streets.

As he ripped into Kobe from the very beginning, taunting him for losing the championship without him, the crowd knew they were in for an unexpected treat. It quickly became obvious that the thesis of his rap was "Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes.

"

You can disagree with the insensitive timing; only a week after Kobe suffered the devastating loss in his MVP season, disagree with the vulgar words, which everyone should just calm down and finally get used to, but you can't fight the fact that this has rebuilt the excitement NBA fans have to see these two rival teammates go up against each other again next year. The season just ended and I'm already looking forward to November just to see how this will play out on the court. We have the never ending antics of Shaq to thank for that; people love him when he's talking for their side, but hate him as soon as he's against them. Just ask Lakers fans, that's some effective trash talking.

And I'll admit it, I had Shaq's album back in '93. The truth shall set me free!

We missed out on a couple of the major drama shows of the past decade, so we may be wrong, but we strongly suspect Sesame Street is the best series in television history.

Gwynne, our Babble colleague, just came up with a mountain of evidence: fifty of the most memorable moments in the show's history. Check them out here and let us know in comments if we missed any of your favorites.

We're partial to #33:

By Jayar Jackson

Alright, I know I'm about a week behind on this one, but the back and forth online debate over Los Angeles Lakers superstar Kobe Bryant's Aston Martin jumping stunt could use some discussion for those of you that missed it. For the inconsistent YouTube surfers and sporadic NBA fans, here is what many have been talking about.

While 16 year old kids have been taping themselves attempting to jump over moving cars for years, resulting mostly in face plants and broken egos, a multi-million dollar asset to possibly the #1 team in the Western Conference of the NBA hasn't been documented doing such a pointless activity. With its explosion onto the internet, in a home video style quality, the debate over whether or not Bryant really jumped over a speeding Aston Martin was sparked. After the most careful analysis and rigorous consultation with the most reliable of sources; YouTube commentary, it's obvious to me that the fake scene was staged.

It's not that I don't believe the 6'6" sometimes super human athlete that jumps out of the gym couldn't clear a 4 foot-high vehicle that is traveling fast enough to pass under him in .5 seconds, it's that he wouldn't dare risk his career, or life with a mistimed jump as the car approached. All for what is obviously a shoe commercial without all the bells and whistles of a hyped up music track highlighting some of the athlete's most impressive aerial acrobats on the court. Here's an example of one of my favorites...

The one simple camera angle showing Bryant's profile was the first indicator. They never showed where this car was coming from, his teammate and "boy" Ronny Turiaf scattered off camera until the stunt was over, and his "concern" for Kobe's safety was oozing with most athletes' inability to act. At the height of his jump, he looked oddly suspended in air, possibly an indicator of some slight post-shoot special effects at work. Beyond all of that, it looks like the front tire of the car is turning as he "jumps" over it, showing that the car was probably to his right when it passed him, instead of directly in front of him, if there was even a car and Kobe there at the same time at all. But hey, that's just me being a skeptic, a Laker-hating skeptic? Many others swear that Kobe did it, because there's nothing he can't do.

I'll try it next weekend, all I need is for someone to donate a V12 Aston Martin Vanquish to me, and I will prove whether or not this ex-athlete can get even close! I'll take it in black, thank you.

By Jayar Jackson

Arizona Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart may have finally gotten himself in some trouble over his much publicized partying ways. Pictures have surfaced on the internet of the USC alum and Heisman Trophy winner partying at his house in Arizona with his roll dog Nick Lachey and several women. Red cups and beer bongs decorate the background...and foreground of the photos, with the two guys looking like regular frat boys having a good time with friends.

Now that the embarrassing pictures are making their rounds throughout everyone's inboxes and "check this out" pages, the Cardinals head coach, Ken Whisenhunt told reporters that although Leinart warned him of the images before they surfaced, he was still upset over them. "We obviously reinforced there's a standard we hold all our players to that we expect them to keep. I'm obviously disappointed that those pictures showed up."

It's obvious that Whisenhunt had no choice but to deliver comments that show disappointment in his 24 year-old quarterback, since so many people in this country scour the gossip pages for a new way to correct someone other than themselves. The coach has the organization that he works for to protect, he has to cater to the ultra-sensitive fans that still actually expect professional athletes to stop being human and be role models for their children.

If you look closely, you'll see that Whisenhunt said he's disappointed that the pictures showed up, NOT that Leinart was partying in the off-season with beers and women. He understands that Leinart is a party guy and that a majority of professional athletes do the same type of thing. If you still think that these grown men with ridiculous paychecks are living the life of a priest...bad example...the life of a Doug Christie or an A.C Green, you're living in a fantasy world.

Now, it's been rumored that these girls are under the legal age for drinking. If this is the case, Mr. Leinart has an entirely different problem on his hands. So far, the proof to this includes the always reputable comments left on gossip sites saying that they know the girls and their graduating year, and fool-proof myspace pages that do nothing but tell the truth. Once some real proof comes to the light, that condemnation...and criminal charges will come right along with it.

Some argue that this unproven golden boy doesn't have time to play around like this, off-season or not. His pedestrian numbers on the field, his battle back and forth with the antique Kurt Warner for the starting position, and ultimate collarbone injury last season gives much credence to this case. After staying around for a 5^th year at USC after winning a National Championship, many questioned his commitment to football over partying. He just may end up being a bust due to his apparent lack of dedication. To this I say...who cares? Are you his parents? If he wants to ruin his career before it gets started, why does it have you punching walls?

We don't even know that his partying in the off-season like so many others is his problem. Many fans can't get enough of the iconic image of Joe Namath jogging off the field with one finger in the air after winning Super Bowl III, but if his partying ways were documented back then the way Leinart's are now, the same nosey people would be in his business, calling him a sure failure. The only obsession left that makes this everyday ordeal so personal to some is that they wish they were in his shoes. I hate to point out such an ugly truth, but jealousy is not very becoming.

There are so many great things about this clip (hat tip Zifnab) I just don't know where to begin.

I watched the clip and I have never laughed so hard. What a crazy kid, what a crazy interview! Here is a second post party interview, this time on the beach getting his picture taken with bikini clad teenagers. So from what we know from this interview, this kid had an insane party. We should find out more:

• 500 people+ showed up
  
• Kid is 16 years old and facing $20,000 worth in fines
• The police showed up with Air and Dog support
• We see file footage of naked people running (telling ya, it must have been an insane party)

So after the facts settle, you understand this kid is in a heap of crap: 16 years old, having a party when his parents aren't home... all the damage... and the media attention.

You can watch the legend of Corey "Worthington" Delaney rise or die on Google news. I have already invested too much time in this story to hear a bad ending, but apparently it was inevitable. The latest news is that he's been arrested and the cops aren't too happy. It's also been reported that his story is worth thousands to those in the reality TV biz . Can Worthington turn this around and become the legend he wants to be? Will the Delaneys be smart about their sons instant celebrity and raise enough money to pay for the damages? Or has the kid ruined his life?

We can only watch.

A St. Louis town is contemplating a bill that would ban swearing, drinking contests, table dancing and other typical drunken behavior from bars. City officials claim crowds in downtown St. Charles get a little too rowdy and hard to control after a night out. So to combat the problem, cuss words and dancing might become illegal.

Burning Question Number One:

How will banning filthy language in bars help to control an overly drunk crowd of people? Besides that, isn't it an unnecessary violation of the first amendment to tell people they can't say a four letter word in an adult atmosphere? Saying bad words doesn't harm anyone. They just shouldn't be said in front of young children, or to degrade a race of people. Other than that, anyone should be allowed to say whatever word they wish to say.

Burning Question Number Two:

No table dancing? Really? Table dancing doesn't hurt anyone! In fact, I encourage table dancing! Nothing generates love and happiness in a bar more than a woman moving the beat of great music. In fact, if people want to get on top of a table to express themselves in a drunken rumba, I say kudos to them!

Here's a Thought:

If a crowd of people get too rowdy after a night of drinking, why not limit how much alcohol they can have rather than banning cuss words and dancing? I don't think there should be a three drink maximum. But bartenders should be able to say no to customers when they're getting out of hand. Banning drinking games in bars might actually be a good idea for this particular St. Louis town. Making sure bartenders don't keep giving people drinks while they're falling on the floor from over-intoxication could be another good idea.

Let's focus of real problems people! Free speech and dancing is what makes this country great. Let's not snatch it away from our fun-loving counterparts.

Dinesh D'Souza had another annoying post about how atheists celebrate Christmas the other day. It appears he thinks he's found his niche -- be the slightly ignorant guy that's easy for atheists to beat up on. He seems to think religious folks are rallying around him and that he can make a living out of this. I hate to break it to you Dinesh, but no one is rallying around you.

So, I thought it made sense to share with you what an agnostic, former Muslim like myself thinks of Christmas. I love it! I think it's one of the great American inventions of all time. But not the religious Christmas, which is both fake (Jesus wasn't born anywhere near December 25th according to the Bible) and irrelevant (no one actually cares about the religious part of Christmas anymore -- bring on the presents!).

No, I love the capitalists Christmas! The American Christmas! The one with cute polar bears drinking Coke, Santa dishing out gifts and with a reindeer whose nose was so bright he led Santa's sleigh last night. The one that makes you feel warm inside and share special moments with loved ones.

I wrote this ode to Santa last year, but it's just as appropriate this year. Here is Why I Love Santa.

Watch The Young Turks Here

Just in time for Christmas, Hollywood has released The Golden Compass, a film based on the first book of a trilogy of children's novels written by atheist Philip Pullman. Pullman is not a fan of his fellow childrens' writers J.R.R. Tolkien or C.S. Lewis. He denounced the Lord of the Rings trilogy as "infantile" and absolutely hated the Chronicles of Narnia, calling it "morally loathsome" and "one of the most ugly and poisonous things I've ever read."

This is downright weird.

You just might get your identity stolen while on a mission for cyber loving. A Russian website known as CyberLove.ru is advertising a new computer program that can simulate up to ten flirtatious chatroom conversations at the same time. While people think their romantic online encounters are with actual people, a clinical computer will be on the other end attempting to fish for personal information. The software is even programmed to engage in virtual sex, should the occasion arise. Not only does it target women, it can even be set to attract men.

The unfortunate people mistakenly conversing with the software are said to exchange photos, phone numbers, and email addresses. The internet rendezvous is obviously putting people in danger of identity theft, but the Russian site promoting the program denies that is what it was intended for.

What?

How the can anyone claim a program that fools people into giving up personal information is NOT intended for identity fraud? That has to be the most ridiculous claim I have ever heard. It could be used as a way to gain information for marketing purposes. But anyone who believes it won't be used for identity theft is naive! Plus, it's highly unethical.

On the other hand, maybe this news will convince people it's a better idea to interact with people in person, rather than resort to the internet for romantic meets. I guess I'm in favor of tangibility when it comes to intimate encounters.

Dave Koller, our Bitter Movie Critic reviews "Lions for Lambs," starring Robert Redford, Tom Cruise and Meryl Streep. See how many lemons he gives it:



More Young Turks Here

A few years ago, when Michael Jackson had a wispy beard and mustache and was also under investigation for charges of child molestation (maybe the second thing is more important, come to think of it), there was a rumor that his handlers were going to make a concerted effort to reduce the creepiness of his appearance. One of the ideas, supposedly, was to hire plastic surgeons to return him to his Thriller-era look. It would have been a triumphantly weird decision, especially if had worked.

Evidently, Jackson decided to go in another direction. He appears on the cover of the new Ebony magazine (which should now probably be called Ivory or, even better, Irony) looking as pale as the cream-colored suit he's wearing. That vitiligo is more powerful than anyone can imagine! Still, as Michael Jackson looks go, this one isn't too bad. How would you rate it, on the Michael Jackson Creepyometer? (For reference, let's say that Thriller is a 2 and this is a 10).

On yesterday's "The View," Barbara Walters candidly disclosed that Heather Mills McCartney was extremely "difficult" with ABC producers when Walters interviewed her years ago. (Video of Walters at the very end of this post.) But first...

Mills herself has always been blunt. Remember last season's Dancing with the Stars, when Heather warned ABC that her prosthetic leg could very well fly off during competition? Here's how you reacted...

I was paying bills yesterday when I came across this summary of Britney Spears' spending habits, as reported in her court papers. You know what's weird? She and I have almost the same exact budget. Here are some of the highlights:

--A monthly income of $737,000.
--Monthly entertainment and gift expenses of $102,000
--Monthly clothing expenses of $16,000
--Monthly dining expenses of $4758
--Monthly mortgage payments of $61,271
--Monthly charitable contributions of $500

This week's poll question:

Dolly Parton is in front of Quentin Tarantino. Stan Lee's there, as is David Bowie. Bill Gates is right next to Osama Bin Laden. Matt Groenig is right near the front of the line, far ahead of Harold Pinter and Stevie Wonder. Paul McCartney and Prince are there, but Bob Dylan and Ricky Gervais aren't. No, it's not David Brooks' daughter's bat mitzvah -- it's a list of the world's top 100 living geniuses, as generated by a consulting firm called Creators Synectics. In the end, the only genius at work here is the marketing genius of the firm that made the list (and even they could have used copyeditors: Niles Rodgers? Noam Chomski?). Still, it's fun for a day or so of discussion. Check out the whole list and then nominate some geniuses of your own.

Yesterday, it was announced that Microsoft had bought a 1.6% stake in Facebook for $240 million, valuing the social utility site at roughly $15 billion. The deal makes geeky twenty-three-year-old Mark Zuckerberg, at least on paper, worth $5 billion. Talk about revenge of the nerds.

Silicon Alley Insider (which we're guessing is also made up of social misfits) says he deserves all this money because of his strategic intelligence. Here's how it's played out:

Facebook began as a Harvard-specific site through which students could rate each other's hotness in Zuckerberg's dorm room (possibly with some other people who have since sued him).

After reportedly almost getting kicked out of school for creating the site, and following the advice of hero Bill Gates, Zuckerberg dropped out to pursue Facebook full-time. Brave!

Zuckerberg raised huge amounts of venture capital and got Facebook to the point where it was being valued in the multi-billions, then turned down a measly $1 billion offer from Yahoo and then sparked a bidding war between Google and Microsoft. Super brave!

And now: ludicrous wealth is his!