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A Political Thanksgiving
Nov 21st 2007 8:00PM
Filed Under:eHillary Clinton, Democrats, Republicans, Barack Obama, John Edwards, Rudy Giuliani, Fred Thompson, John McCain, Featured Stories, Mitt Romney, Mike Huckabee, Ron Paul, Bill Richardson, Dennis Kucinich, 2008 President, Humor, Ken Layne's Outrage

Let's gather together and say a prayer of gratitude for this long campaign's exciting collection of Leading Patriots running for our nation's highest office.
Fred Thompson, you have been on television, your latest wife is young and pretty, you helped Nixon during Watergate, and you also bravely provided legal and lobbying services to needy terrorists and abortionists. Thank you, Mr. Grumbles, for launching a loser campaign that ensures you'll never be president of anything, even though you pretended to be Ulysses S. Grant in a cable movie.
Barack Obama, you have done ... well, nothing that we've heard about, beyond running for president and writing a book about getting high. Thank you for proving, finally, that all it takes is good looks, an Ivy League diploma and a lot of corporate money to get somewhere in this country. Is it really so audacious to hope we might all become rich and famous? Yes, yes it is.
Rudy Giuliani, you briefly brought us together as a nation on your favorite day, 9/11, when we couldn't find the real president. America thanks you for so dramatically lowering the bar of what we'll tolerate in a GOP candidate for president. Abortionists, cousin-marriers, cross-dressers, opera fans, adulterers, the Mafia, terrible parents, gay rights activists, anti-gun forces and authoritarian First Amendment-hating warmongers have all joyfully gathered beneath your Big Weird Tent shaped like the Twin Towers.
Hillary Clinton, thanks for staying married to Bill and making the whole nation feel pretty uncomfortable, about everything. Thanks for giving America's right-wing misogynists a harmless target for their rage. Thanks for being the anti-war Democratic frontrunner even though you're a bloodthirsty nut who will probably start World Wars III, IV and V. Mostly, thanks for the not-so-convincing delusion that somehow you won't be quite as bad as Bush/Cheney.
John McCain, we are grateful for your service to the nation and sad about how you got locked up in that Viet Cong prison camp, which clearly made you crazy. Thanks for providing a moment of false hope, eight years ago, that George W. Bush wouldn't win the nomination that had already been given to him long before the first primary of 2000. And thanks for your magical Straight Talk, which simultaneously covers every possible position on every issue.
John Edwards, thanks for losing to Bush/Cheney in 2004. We are all inspired by how much you talk about being poor before you became the richest lawyer in the universe. Slick, good-looking attorneys everywhere look at you and think, "Maybe someday I can have a thousand-room mansion with its own regulation indoor basketball court, too." Truly, we have "Too Americas."
Mitt Romney, thanks for proving that even a liberal Taxachusetts Mormon guy who tortures dogs has a shot at the presidency, as long as he has $300 million dollars and is the son of a famous auto executive and governor.
Did we forget anyone? Yes. Thanks and sorry to Bill Richardson, Dennis Kucinich, Mike Huckabee and whoever else might be running. You all seem like fairly decent people, which means you can't be president. Sorry. Also, Dr. Congressman Ron Paul is truly our nation's President of the Internet, so GO RON PAUL!!!
And above all, let us be thankful that the dull misery of the 2008 campaign will finally be over when we next gather for the Thanksgiving feast a year from now ... unless it's like 2000 and we all gather to watch the recount on TV.
Recent Comments
(Page 1 of 2)Ron8:51PMNov 21st 2007
Nice comments, albeit, it seems no one is good enough as well as you could have added that Clinton is worse than Jimmy Carter.
Jim Treacher9:03PMNov 21st 2007
Congrats on the new gig, man. Happy Thanksgiving.
1-4-Romney9:20PMNov 21st 2007
WOW- I would hate to try to guess who you are voting for!
Who ever he is, I wouldn’t hold my breath on ever being a campaign writer him!
Bob Stro9:40PMNov 21st 2007
Good Stuff!!! I loved it! I am Voting for Ron Paul to end the disaster in Iraq and bring Our Kids home.
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone.
June10:06PMNov 21st 2007
I would like some one to ask Senators Obama-and Hillary- The two of the full 31 of you senators that disgraced your selfs and the Sanate- And proving you are not worthy to be our president- How could you in good conscience vote against keeping English as our Offical Language- Plus voting to allow Ilegal Immagrants drivers Licenes -( so they can vote Democrat ) no doubt-All 31 -But you two want to be president??? The entire Immigration Bil is sham-Your actions isnt About America , and what you can do - Its all about Me, Me , Me and you do nt deserve to sit oin the white House after you voted the way you- did - Your both John Kerrys -Just look different- please answer and tell us why-
P.J.Bal10:08PMNov 21st 2007
Just who is this "nut-case". Apparently someone who thinks the best way to get ahead is to come across as a hater of everyone. You mental cases constantly berate M. Romney because he is a Morman but you know quite well that he has one wife to whom he's been married for thirty eight years and five successful sons, each married to one woman. On the other hand Guiliana has three wives and and several children who hate his guts. You love him because he made NYcity a "Sanctuary City" and is striving with other idiots to turn our country into a third world nation full of hatred and strife. Obama is the son of a Muslim but that fact is never mentioned in the extremely biased press which controls the news. It would take hours to cover Hillary's previous antics. It would be nice to occcasionally see a little journalistic integrity at work but I won't hold my breath.
Timo10:10PMNov 21st 2007
Thanks Ken for being right on but let's be pragmatic about this. Putting aside the religous views, the life style views, the racial views , and the obscure and plain ditzy views; this country was founded ( believe it or not) on hope. Hope that we all could worship the way we want ( even if it's worshiping Oprah ). Hope for a better life for are children ( including the children of Guilianni and Edwards Mexican house keepers). Hope for every American regarding race, gender, sexual preference, political affilation, and religion to run for office and/or attain the best life possible for whatever they choose worthy to pursue. Hope for happiness, peace and understanding!
Mr. Clark10:21PMNov 21st 2007
Ken,
"Hillary Clinton, thanks for staying married to Bill and making the whole nation feel pretty about everything. Thanks for giving. Thanks for being the anti-war Democratic frontrunner. Mostly,...thanks!"
"Somehow, you won't be quite as bad as Bush/Cheney!"
I agree with you 100%. We are going to get along so great!
Sincerely and respectfully,
Mr. Clark
actnoid10:39PMNov 21st 2007
whew...thanks for your inspired insight and political acumen, sharpened with cheap shot glibness, witless satire and since no one here knows who you are, wasted time and half hearted effort.
Brad12:05AMNov 22nd 2007
Dear Ken,
Thank you for the funniest, and true, comments on this "force march" of a presidential campaign, I have yet seen. This was "laugh-out-loud" stuff, Ken. Keep it up! I agree with you on Congressman Paul and I like much of what I've heard from Huckabee. As for Kucenich, his complete cave-in to the pro-abortion org's and their money, conveniently becoming "pro-choice" just as the 2000 campaign was starting, leads me to disagree with you on him being "a decent guy". Thanks for the laughter!
John3:03AMNov 22nd 2007
I am now more certain then ever that Ron Paul is the only man equipped with the good sense to run this sinking ship of a country. The media knows that, just as they know that he will not bow to corparate or media pressure. Both entities fear him and for that reason they keep him at the bottom of the carefully choreographed political poles.
Ron Paul--- a sensible man for a sensible people
Cameron4:17AMNov 22nd 2007
You're right, Ron Paul is the Prez of the Internet! Soon, we'll be spamming polling places all over this country!
Ron Paul has raised $9 million this quarter so far. Wonder how much it will be on Dec. 31? 12 million? 15 million? 20 million?
GO RON PAUL!!
KATHYLEEN BELMONT8:26AMNov 22nd 2007
ALL I CAN SAY IS TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE DON' VOTE FOR HILLARY BOY,"IT" IS SCARRY, SCARRY FOR AMERICA PEOPLE TO HAVE BOTH "IT" AND BILLY BACK IN TH WHITE HOUSE, THEY BOTH CARY A LOT OF BAGGAGE WITH THEM. DID YOU EVER ASK YOUR SELF WHY "IT" KEPT BILLY IN "IT" LIFE. "THINK ABOUT" WHY DOE "IT" ALWAYS WEAR PANTS DOESN'T "IT" HAVE A DRESS AFTER ALL ALL WOMEN AREN'T IN PANTS EVERYDAY. PLUS KNOWS NOTHIN ABOUT HOW TO HANLE HEALTHCARE, SECURITY, TERRIORISM, AND FOREIGN POLICY AND IS FOR THE ILLEGALS THAT ARE DRAINING THE REAL AMERICANS TAX DOLLAR TO PAY FOR ALL THE BENEFITS THAT THEY ARE GETTING AND THE REAL AMERICANS CAN'T EVEN GET THEM "IS THE NEW AMERICAN WAY" WITH THE DAMN DEMOCRATS WHO HAD ONE YEAR OF CONTROL AND HAVE DONE A "BIG NOTHING". "IT" IS SCARRY FOR THE REAL AMERICANS AND THE ECONOMY. "GOD" BLESS AMERICA AND THE REAL AMERICANS. "GOD BLESS OUR AMERICAN SOLIDERS MAN AND WOMEN THAT ARE FIGHTING TO KEEP US SAFE FROM TERRIOIRISM COMING INTO THIS COUNTRY. "IN GOD WE TRUST." AND DON'T LET THE DAMN DEMOCRATS TAKE "GOD" OUT OF OUR LANGUAGE AND THAT WE ALWAYS SPEAK THE ENGLISH LANDUAGE THAT IS THE PART OF AMERICA AND EVERYONE THAT HAS COME HERE HAS LEARNT THE ENGLISH LANUAGE, IT GOES BACK HUNDREDS OF YEARS. BE PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN NOT THE PEOPLE THAT HAVE INTO THIS COUNTRY TO USE THE SYSTEMS THAT WE AS AMERICANS CAN'T GET. GOD BLESS AMERICA.
ed8:41AMNov 22nd 2007
are we just a nation of sheep and if so kenny which one of us is wearing the bell.be careful what you wish for ken boy.
duffyduck5:55PMNov 22nd 2007
Great article.
Go Ron Paul!!!!
diandace8:03AMNov 23rd 2007
Yeah, it's almost time for all the rich power hungry politicians to show up in Iowa and New Hampshire. This time the truth for a better America will be there too. However the media and other candidates will try to bury him and his message of liberty...Ron Paul is the man and his legion of grassroots supporters will not let message go unheard. I challenge anyone to check out his voting record compared with the other candidates...you'll find out who protects the Constitution everytime..it's not what they say...it's what they do.
prffsrx8:47AMNov 23rd 2007
Huckabee is the man for the job as president. When people hear Huckabee compared to other candidates they like him. Huckabee shows real depth on the issues and has more executive experience than any person running, democrat or republican. Huckabee simply makes since.
http://evolutionfacts.townhall.com
Adam Wiederholt9:53AMNov 23rd 2007
Ron Paul is the BEST man for the job. There is no other candidate that compares, just check out all the information about him on his website; http://www.ronpaul2008.com Ron Paul actually stands up for our Freedom, our Liberty, the U.S. Constitution, Bill of Rights. Ron Paul is Founding Father material. No other candidate has vowed to restore our republic. No other candidate has vowed to end this illegal invasion and occupation of Iraq. Also, Ron Paul I know would not nuke Iran. God Bless the America and Long Live the Republic!
bob10:54AMNov 23rd 2007
This "article" strikes me as superficial use of valuable internet space.
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Denise Williams8:09PMNov 21st 2007
Nice! Welcome Ken...