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Hated 2007? Then You'll Despise Election '08!
Dec 28th 2007 10:01AM
Filed Under:eHillary Clinton, Democrats, Republicans, Rudy Giuliani, Featured Stories, Joe Biden, Ron Paul, Primaries, 2008 President, Ken Layne's Outrage
Congratulations to the tiny fraction of Americans (mostly retirees in New Hampshire and Iowa) who have nothing better to do than pay attention to national politics. You people have already suffered through fourteen months of Campaign 2008, despite the fact that 2008 is still a few days in the future. And the actual election is still more than 10 months away.Happy terrible new year!
When this finally ends and Ron Paul takes the oath of office at the new White House on the Moon after the space aliens steal Earth's gold, historians will want to know the "high points" of the year before the year of the 2008 campaign.
Unfortunately, there were no highlights. But all of the following really dumb crap happened, anyway ....
It was way back in November of 2006 when this wretched process officially began, literally the morning after the midterm election washed away the GOP congressional majority and its staggering array of weird sex crimes. When it was over, all anybody seemed to know for sure is that Hillary Clinton would somehow claw her way back to the White House and Rudy Giuliani would say "9/11" a million times, resting only for a divorce every few weeks.
Do you remember Tom Vilsack, or Sam Brownback, or Tom Tancredo, or Duncan Hunter, or Joe Biden? Of course not! All of these losers announced their presidential bids a full two years before Election Day. Some of them may still be running for president, although it's impossible to know for sure.
This is all anybody remembers from the year that was, 2007, RIP:
Hillary Has Two
Dennis Kucinich's Hot Wife Has A Tongue Stud: Just when Elizabeth Kucinich's good looks, luxuriant red hair and sultry English accent made us briefly stop hating hippie chicks, redheads and the English, we learned she has one of those awful worn-out-porn-star "tongue stud" metal things pierced into her actual tongue. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
Mike Huckabee's Fat Psychopathic Son Validates Every Stereotype About A Baptist Preacher's Kids: If you grew up in proximity of a Baptist church when you were an impressionable teenager, you probably recall one irrefutable scientific fact: The daughters of Southern Baptist preachers are looser than Britney Spears' 16-year-old sister. What you've probably forgotten is that the sons of those preachers tend to be fat psychopaths who murder dogs and smuggle loaded handguns into airports. Thanks, David Huckabee, for reminding us of what we tried so hard to forget.
While the former senator certainly did some brave stuff during the 1970s -- fighting the draft, forcing Washington to admit the terrible truth of the Vietnam War's Pentagon Papers, etc. -- his 2007 campaign was basically an angry lecture about how much this country sucked. To bring home the gloomy message, he starred in a low-budget YouTube video in which he glared at the camera and dropped a rock in a lake. Then, he made a rap video, in which he rapped. Maybe this country does suck.
Recent Comments
(Page 1 of 1)dALE3:01PMDec 28th 2007
I FEEL SO SORRY FOR YOU TO HAVE TO LIVE IN SUCH A TERRIBLE PLACE. MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. IT'S A WONDERFUL COUNTRY.
poysfxom3:07PMDec 28th 2007
Frankly, "When this finally ends and Ron Paul takes the oath of office"- was the only part of your article worth reading! It sounds fantastic!
ruthe7:14PMDec 28th 2007
too funny....i like your sense of humor however hilybilly is a loser a liar obama is a brilliant orator but not presidential material i say john edwards is the only democratic candidate that can beat any republican vote john you go john
billipcranger18:13PMDec 28th 2007
I loved the article. Pretty much sums it up. Except of course, the part where you say Ron Paul will be on the moon. The facts are clear, Ron Paul will be the 44th President of the United States of America. And the world will be a better place.
Nosrac8:29PMDec 28th 2007
I feel Obama should change his campaign slogan to:
"It is the fear of being different,that makes being different inferior"
Mr. Clark9:21PMDec 28th 2007
Ken Layne,
My favorite was the distinct personality change of John Edwards. 2004 he was an affable completely insincere "optimist". Today, he is an embittered completely insincere "optimist". It's hard to say which one I liked better.
Oh, I did enjoy Sen. Obama's Foreign Policy statement regarding "Burma".
Ah, the fun we've had!
Sincerely and respectfully,
Mr. Clark
Dan McGee11:16PMDec 28th 2007
Good blog. My prediction is that we may see the lowest voter turn out in the history of our country when we finally make it to November of next year. The networks have been beating this dead horse through the floor boards and it's apparent who they want as the front runners. No matter what the people think. Hillary, she'll snatch defeat out of the jaws of victory, while Ron Paul doesn't have a chance and is under a strong smear campaign. Insane and woe to our country.
Liz2:31AMDec 29th 2007
Ron Paul supporters: Better to be called a "space alien" rather than a crook, thief, liar, and flip-flopper. If that's the best they can do, then we are on top of their game. The only thing really wrong with this article is it left out the misdeeds of the other slimeballs running for this most sacred office.
Liz3:27AMDec 29th 2007
Actually, the only thing this commentator(?) could say about Ron Paul was mild in comparison to what he can list on other candidates. He'll lose his job as a reporter if he doesn't say something negative about him. Hey Ron Paul supporters, it's better to be called a "space alien" rather than a "thief, crook, and flip-flopper." Our good Doctor Ron Paul is a shining star amid the darkness that surrounds him.
castleman10:36PMDec 29th 2007
Hillary Clinton has no style. She sucks at everything.
Dottie3:20AMDec 30th 2007
Ken Layne,
My, my, my. A little grumpy are we? Did you not get any last night?
First of all, Joe Biden is NOT a loser. Rumor has it he just might do pretty well in Iowa. And he is by far the most qualified of all the candidates from either party.
NO WAY will I ever vote for Hilary. I don't trust her for a second. She refuses to answer questions honestly and directly, instead sneakily changing the subject, she has a checkered past. She is also a master flip-flopper.
I WILL, however, vote for Obama if he should be the nominee. Right now, I am backing Biden, but a Biden/Obama ticket would be unbeatable.
Dottie3:24AMDec 30th 2007
Ken Layne,
P.S. You did get one thing right. I am retired on disability in Iowa, don't have anything better to do, and I have been deeply immersed in the elections of '08 since the very beginning.
CRAZYKATZ4:44AMDec 30th 2007
Forget all of the canidates. Let's BOYCOTT the Primaries!
"We the People" have to ask ourselves this question:
Why do all of these canidates spend millions upon millions to get elected to a $250,000 a year job?
MONEY,MONEY,MONEY!!!OUR MONEY
They all leave office million or billionaires.
We little people (as Hillary once called us),still have some power over the politicians.
The Gov. can arrest us for boycotting paying of income tax, they can't arrest us for failure to vote!!
Let's just boycott the very first Primary and see what happens!~
billy3:02PMDec 30th 2007
I'm tired of this election cycle. Let's begin to discuss the 2012 Prez election candidates.
vuke6911:12AMJan 2nd 2008
@billy
Well in 2012 we'll have Ron Paul up for re-election, and whatever sacrificial lambs the Democrats have to throw at him.
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Theresa2:07PMDec 28th 2007
Like I said once before, Kucinich could'nd handle Cleveland, Oh. so I sure don't want him in the White House.