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Super Tuesday Means Goodbye Forever
Feb 4th 2008 8:00AM
Filed Under:eDemocrats, Republicans, Joe Biden, Chris Dodd, Bill Richardson, 2008 President, Tom Tancredo, Ken Layne's Outrage
They've become almost like distant family over this long year-and-a-half campaign that still has another eight months to go -- the kind of family you pray won't actually show up at Christmas or Thanksgiving, but family nonetheless. Many have already left the 2008 race, and many more will be gone come Super Tuesday.For those of us who follow politics, we know at least some of them by first name: Rudy, Barack, Dennis, Hitlery. And we know one of them by two first names, because that's how much Ron Paul loved Freedom.
Others, we didn't really get to know at all. They were like the fifth cousin who calls at 3:46 a.m. from the pay phone at Lincoln County Jail. It was best to just pretend it was a wrong number and go back to sleep.
And yet, these people wanted to be president and maybe even briefly believed it was remotely possible.
Chris Dodd had his "DoddPod," Bill Richardson made some funny YouTube commercials, Tom Tancredo worried about the Mexicans, Mike Huckabee proved Jesus does not want to hear about poor peopl
e, Duncan Hunter was our only San Diego congressman to evade federal prosecution, Grandpa Mike Gravel told us to get off his lawn, millionaire lobbyist Fred Thompson was "down home" with his hot new D.C. wife and Hollywood acting career, Joe Biden said funny things about the different races, Tom Vilsack dressed up like Winnie the Pooh, spaceman Alan Keyes doesn't even know what planet he landed on, John Edwards promised everybody a free liver, Dennis Kucinich was the "old fashioned liberal" with the tall sexy wife, Rudy Giuliani kept us laughing with his crazy criminal friends and taxpayer-supported adultery, and Sam Brownback was the token "Christian Conservative."It would be inaccurate to say, "You all ran good campaigns," because none of you ran a good campaign. You're all losers.
But these aren't the only forgotten losers from the 2006-2007 portion of the 2008 campaign -- and we're not even talking about third-party or no-party candidates like comedienne Cynthia McKinney or Corvair spokesmodel Ralph Nader. A number of unlikely nominees never ever made it to the "declared" part of the race. Farewell, Chuck Hagel, Jim Gilmore and Sam Nunn! It's like you never even ran for president, because you didn't.
After the hundred-million-dollar carnage of Super Duper Tuesday, we'll most likely have only a single Republican not named Mitt Romney to kick around, while Hillary and Obama may well keep kicking each other around until summer. Al Gore and Mike Bloomberg could even jump in the race to make it fun again. But today, let's say a quiet "Good Riddance" to all the pretend presidents we'll never really have to think about ever again. Goodbye forever, failures!
Ken Layne is the editor of Wonkette.com
Recent Comments
(Page 1 of 1)Jaki Baez10:04AMFeb 4th 2008
You are right, Hugh. But, the Kennedys still think that they are the deciders of the world. And, the media still falls for it. One by one, they feel that we as voters must vote their way. I, being a progressive voter, will never change my vote. I am voting for Hillary Clinton, and if she doesn't win I will look at Romney (if he is the nominee) or someone on the indepent side. But, voting for Obama will never be my decision, and this is a black woman talking. I have said it many times, that the media is deciding this race for the american people. I hope that indepentents out there vote for Hillary just to slap this "messiah" across the face.
Mokele-Mobembe1:54PMFeb 4th 2008
I'll vote for Bloomberg if he makes his bid. Meanwhile I can't wait to have Super Tuesday over with, and my options clearer.
Kathy4:13PMFeb 5th 2008
Cheap Shot. You should learn how to spell Senator Clinton's name. It certainly is not "Hitlery". I always thought a news source should be just that--a news source. What has happened to unbiased reporting of JUST THE FACTS. Please tell us WHAT is happening. We don't need your SLANT on the news!!!
Kathy
USer7:47PMFeb 5th 2008
Nice of you to insinuate that Ron Paul will drop out after Super Tuesday. He has repeatedly stated that he'll stay in the race as long as the money keeps coming in, and it appears that ain't stopping any time soon!
K D C2:27AMFeb 11th 2008
I find it really telling that I don't seem to be able to log into the mainstream blogs on the so called top runners to voice an opinion.
Anyone out there that doesn't believe "We the People" are being lead to the slaughter by those that control this country need to wake up.You can vote for a Muslum that won't even pledge allegance to your flag(I don't care about his color!) Clinton-- so she can Bitch slap us all--McCain,so we can stay at war forever---and they all want to give everything to the Mexicans(so they get their vote & give away your SS).
"We the People" obviously don't have a single thing to say about the whole process if all the polls are to be believed. We all want some change to happen for our own good--- None of the above are in anyway interested in the Americans they are begging to vote for them. They all have their own agenda---and YOU are not on the list.
Won't it be interesting if on Xmas morning they are left standing there as RON PAUL really has the chance to make a difference in your future as well as your childrens.
I've never been very political my whole life...just realistic...but GOD I've never seen so many braindead people just follow the lemmings over the cliff!! Ron Paul has never changed his stance and believes he can make a difference....I've still got enough belief in what started this country to at least give an "honest" man the chance to give the rest of us a chance also.
I hope I'm not the only one that thinks we are being sold a "bill of goods" instead of a "Bill of Rights" This man makes more sense than anyone since JFK or Robert Kennedy....Hopefully those without their noses in the pork trough will awaken before "We the People" loose everything of the little we have left.
norman spalding10:40PMMar 24th 2008
ya know its all irrelivant anyway in away cause mrs clinton could easily loose at convention and run as some kind of for the whitehouse and citizen ticket let me remind you that it is her ability to appeal to citizen and the citizens conseptional brains, not the predictional perverted perswationest that makes a statement at the polling mark around here!!!!!! the press and advisors are the sickest basterds that have ever lived in humanity cleapatra and julios ceaser hated them along with nebuchadnezzer he hated them pharoe and i think old adolf will finally admitt they are alllllllllll conflict of interest programming scum scum program directers are scumm developers and bankers are scummy now docters have entered scummy in their role the attornys not as scummy by traditional role any moreas the docter !!!! i like mrs.clinton so so so so so so so so so much because how she smacks old stuff shirt hypocracy in the chops not even intentionally yet by passing by her effect is reffreshing thank you mrs clinton thank you mrs clinton thank you mrs clinton thank you mrs clinton thank you mrs clintin thank you mrs clinton thank you mrs clinton thank you george bush both of you take so much false accusation and false hatered from humans that wouldn't know the truth if it came upand bit them hard and it does day after day and they blame and die never knowing the truth that bit them every day!!!!!
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Hugh9:56AMFeb 4th 2008
I am just shocked to see how voters can be swayed by people who indorse a candidate. Can't they make up their own minds as to who they desire. Why does it take an endorser to change their minds? Example, many women will change their minds to side in with Oprah, why? As an independent voter I will alone decide who I feel is best suited for the postion of President of the USA.